Has there ever been a time when your grown up child (aged 22) has made you feel?

Question

He has made his bed let him lie in it? I kinda feel this at the moment but I cant help feeling really awful and upset His mistake is so stupid and yet the whole family has to be affected by his actions. If only I could just switch off and stop feeling responsible for his well being

Thanks for all your comments. I just have this terrible ache in my heart. I guess its the first time that i cant help him.

Answer 1

Kick him out of the house, and don't give him any support money. I don't know what kind of "mistake" he made, but I think that by age 22 he is clearly an adult and is responsible for his actions and decisions.

Maybe the rest of your family can have a discussion about how his decision has affected all of you. Talking about it just for a period of time will help the rest of you sort out your feelings and get it out in the open. Make it clear though that after the discussion, there will be no more discussing his decision because it's already been made, and everyone makes mistakes (I'm sure you weren't perfect either when you were 22). There's no need to dwell on it anymore. He should figure out how to fix his mistake.

Answer 2

You're a mom. Let yourself feel awful that you are not "babying" him. It is tough to let go and let him face impending failure... Heck! You did that when you allowed him to wobble on his own and fall down several times, before he learned to walk!

Just take heart in the fact that he has to learn to be responsible for his own actions and hopefully, see how he has affected your whole family. Be confident that you raised a decent guy and that he will learn from all this. What doesn't destroy him will make him stronger.

You will forever be his mom and you CANNOT switch off wanting your son to be the best and happiest he can be. What you CAN do is think that it is his time to be a man OR if you decide to do something to help, just ask yourself "Am I contributing to bringing him closer to responsible manhood?"

Good luck, Sweetie, my heart aches with yours...

Answer 3

He is your son and you will always love him and feel responsible for him but the only way to let him grow up and learn from his mistakes is if you let him go - you can't let the whole family be affected by one person is it fair on everyone else - it will be very hard but he will suffer in the long run if he cannot learn to stand on his own 2 feet.

Answer 4

one of the most important things you can do for him now is let him make his own mistakes and let him learn from them., you cant protect him forever and 22 is an age where a lot of guys do a lot of stupid things, thats why i date older guys. As long as he isnt risking his life, dont worry so much. Tell him if he wants to be an idiot then thats fine but to make sure his actions dont affect you and your family, if he wants to make decisions as a man, he should accept consequences as a man, not let you take care of the problems he creates. Otherwise if he cant learn to take care of himself, he will never make a good husband and some poor girl is going to get stuck with a man who cant take care of himself.

Answer 5

i believe as regardless of the actuality that I grew up too quick yet no longer because of my new child or relationship alternatives. My father and mom dealt with me more desirable like an human being. They anticipated a lot from me, suitable to preparation, more desirable curricular events, acquaintances, popular alternatives, etc. It became kinda annoying. They gave me a ton of household projects. i became taken more desirable to human being events (suitable only new child-free)and events than with issues with people my personal age. i became a lot more desirable mature than my college associates which made me an outcast. I felt rushed to end intense college early and get off to school and then artwork finished-time even as going to school and retaining instantly A's even as living on my own. Their expectancies were continually so intense I worked my butt off to succeed in this properly, so i ought to get some praise. They were 2 those who got here from no longer some thing and they executed remarkable issues. now complicated to augment up in that shadow even as they presented me with any such uncomplicated life through evaluation. when I discovered out i became pregnant, each and everything only felt "precise." even regardless of the actuality that my mom makes comments like you ought to be partying, you ought to be vacationing, you should have enthusiasts (heavily?), it only feels so precise, i don't sense i'm lacking some thing. i'm 25, my daughter is eighteen months

Answer 6

my youngest 'child' is 22 and is one of those very clever people but completely lacking in common sense

he can be very difficult to manage to speak to him as mostly he doesn't answer his mobile to me
he came over from Ireland on leave for a fortnight and he said we could meet -but that didn't happen and now he is keeping his head down

all his life he has either been really nice or really nasty despite it being pointed out to him repeatedly not to treat anybody badly as you are likely to need them at a later date

i still love him to pieces but as he is an adult he has to learn by his own mistakes - doesn't make it any less painful though

Answer 7

I wish I knew what you are on about. It is difficult too know how to try and help otherwise. Anyway - whatever it is he is 22 and a man so he has to take responsibilty for whatever. I know that will not stop you worrying but we all have to let go sometime.

Answer 8

As a parent you'll always worry but at 22 you shouldn't feel responsible for him unless you were a horrible parent who never tried to repair the damage.

Answer 9

You're never going to be able to switch off....I understand that feeling, believe me. Sometimes you have to just let your child fall on his face in order to learn a lesson. It's very hard to do, but sometimes it has to be done.

Answer 10

It's understandable to want to help, but at the same time.. let him go. Exactly, he made his bed, let him lie in it. You equipped him with the brains, morals and what not to make good decisions. he made his own, he has to learn to live with them.