My partner and I plan to get married next year . The thing is his mum has a taken a completely irrational dislike to me!..well more of a hatred! When she calls here to speak to him she doesn't acknowledge me or even ask him how I am when getting an update on what he's up to etc. She didn't congratulate him on gettting engaged and blanked me at the party!
I know its a while off yet, but do we have to invite her to our wedding? I feel the whole day will be spolied for me by her hostility, but shes his mum!
2007-01-29 06:55:40 · 34 answers · asked by serephina 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
He's spoken to her about her dislike of me.. its completly irrational! Also since we first got serious and moved in together i've gone out of my way to be nice to her and make her feel involved! she's just impossible. She won't even visit us, he has to go to her and alone although he doesnt drive as she does and its a fairly long train journey.
2007-01-29 08:03:06 · update #1
To 'Nanny' - why should the fact we moved in together cause her attitude towards me? thats very unreasonable.
2007-01-29 08:35:01 · update #2
Sounds like a tough situation but you are right, she is his mom and you have to invite her. Just be really nice and bubbly each time she calls or you see her and if that doesn't help but ignore her at the wedding and have a great day. After all, it is about you and your soon-to-be, not her.
2007-01-29 07:02:20 · answer #1 · answered by sunflower 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Oh dear ! How awful for you all !
This woman must think she has a reason for not liking you, but if I could talk to her I would have to give her a kick up the backside to make her realise exactly what she's doing !
She may appear not to care about your feelings, but what about her sons feelings? Is she enjoying tearing her son apart ? I'm a mum to two boys, and I have often thought about what I would do if I didn't like their choice in women..and I think I would do NOTHING ! After all,if my son was happy, well, that's that, he's the one who will be living with her, not me !
This woman needs to wake up before it's too late. She's forcing him to choose, and she will probably end up losing her son out of sheer stupidity .
As to what you should do about the wedding, well..I would give her an ultimatum, change her attitude towards your relationship, or NO invitation to the wedding .Get your fiance to tell her straight ( as she won't talk to you ) that way she will know that it's his decision too, not just yours .
I wouldn't want some sour faced spiteful woman to ruin my big day . It's not as though you haven't tried to be nice, or get her involved is it ? Don't feel bad, mother or not..she doesn't deserve to be there , it'll be her loss not yours !
2007-02-01 17:53:38 · answer #2 · answered by Paris69 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Invite her.
If you don't she will spend the rest of your married life reminding you (probably in shrill tones when least appropriate) that you didn't.
She won't ruin your wedding day for you, trust me. Your new husband and you are going to be so busy smiling incessantly and having your photos taken and flitting from guest to guest like the proverbial social butterflies that you'll hardly see her at all-especially if you don't want to.
And if she doesn't want to come. So? She can never say she didn't have the opportunity.
You'll be married a long time, with luck, and while it's important your wedding day will pass in a blur. Don't give her the satisfaction.
2007-02-01 02:11:50 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
OMG this is exactly what I went through and still do!! We have been married for 6 months and his mom still doesn't even believe I exist!! You should definitely invite her to the wedding and give her special seating and the whole nine yards give her everything you give your mom. why you ask.. because eventually your soon to be husband will see who is the bigger person and he will have so much more respect for you and will even start to stand up for you with his mother. I know is sounds crazy but it is true. Not to mention that if you put a stick between a boy and his mom I don't want to tell you who will be left out !! and don't worry about her ruining your day you won't even notice she is there!! I only saw my mother in law once our whole day and that was while she was trying to take credit for the decorations ( she had nothing to do with)!! So believe me I have been in your shoes and if you invite her you will come out the winner and her own son will see her for what she is !! ( P.S. my mother in law tried to talk him out of marrying me on our wedding day so I know what you mean when you say she hates you)
2007-01-29 07:26:16 · answer #4 · answered by Alexandra S 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Really it is HER attitude problem that is causing all this stress, not yours, so show her bad behaviour up just be sweet and loving towards her, always be pleasant and then no one can point the finger at you and say that she is right to be like that. If you are always seen to be the mature and kind person, everyone will come to realise that it is her that has the problem. Sometimes no one is good enough for their "little soldier" so don't take it personally, invite her and don't get embroiled in any petty arguments on the day. If she is nasty then just smile sweetly and say to her "Thank you for your opinion" and then walk away from her.
2007-01-29 21:32:59 · answer #5 · answered by sparkleythings_4you 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She's his mom and yes you should invite her. Maybe find out why she doesn't like you and acts this way toward you. It could be all a misunderstanding, it could be something simple as you saying something that she heard that was misunderstood. Just know when you marry a guy whether you like it or not you get his family, if he's got a good relationship with his mom you don't want him to choose, I say for him the two of you need to work it out.
2007-01-29 07:05:33 · answer #6 · answered by Kitikat 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Invite her and be as nice as you can be to her - your partner will have no reason then to be upset with you, and if he doesn't put a stop to this by having a talk with his Mum, then he is not too sensitive to your feelings. He is the only one who can stop this sh*t before it happens. Talk to him, and if you are convinced that he is the one for you, invite her, be as nice as possible, and then put the whole thing behind you (two wrongs don't make it right). Good luck in this difficult situation.
2007-01-29 07:06:49 · answer #7 · answered by Doug R 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Invite her be the bigger person. Don't fight back if you do you risk ruining the relationship you have with your partner. Although its not nice for you she is still unfortunately his mother. One of three things will happen:
1. She will not change and hey if you don't have to go to her house be thankfull, at least you don't have to put on a brave face.
2. He will see her for the cow she is being.
3. She will get over herself and act as if none of this ever happened.
Do not put him in a position of its her or me, you WILL risk loosing him.
2007-02-02 05:06:57 · answer #8 · answered by sheansman 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, has your fiance sat down and talked to her about her dislike of you? He needs to make it absolutely clear to her that he won't tolerate her rudeness. Sounds to me like she doesn't want to share her little boy with you and he needs to have the backbone to set her straight. Then, invite her to the wedding and be so nice to her and say nothing but nice things about her such that, if she's a harridan, she's the one who'll look bad. In the meantime, you just ignore any of her bad behavior as the grown-up form of a tantrum.
2007-01-29 07:36:42 · answer #9 · answered by Yo' Mama 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
what exactly did she tell him about her dislike of you? all you say is "completely irrational"...
you need to sit down and have a heart to heart talk with her about her attitude. bring it up to her but make sure you don't start out and put her on the defensive. say "when you snubbed me at the party I felt hurt" or something else. this NEEDS to get out in the open, especially if your groom is close to his mom.
if he isn't that close to his mom, then I'd say don't invite her. but she IS his mom, perhaps have your groom talk to her as well, a little more than he did.
2007-01-29 10:10:05 · answer #10 · answered by Terri 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋