OK. You didn't GET IT. NO CONCUBINES AT THE WEDDING?

Question

All of you are not reading the question. I said that was an example of what I have found in agreements that I didn't consider. Boy, AMericans really ARE quite judgmental, aren't they? Anyway, I will repeat the question and PLEASE READ. Thanks. I am asking for other examples, not comments on the examples that I found.

What are some things that you wish you had included in your divorce agreement but didn't?
I have looked at EXAMPLES and so far the only thing that I have found that I had left out of my notes was that the husband cannot bring girlfriends, concubines or the new wife (or males filling those roles, if that is the case) to any events for the children, i.e., weddings, graduation, school plays, sporting events, recitals, demonstrations, plays, etc. There will be no birthday celebrations except those held at either his home or hers (e.g., no Chucky Cheese's) unless both parties consent and neither party will take the children out of town on their birthdays.

Wow jon. Talk about anger and control issues!! LOL!

Answer 1

I actually have a coworker who put the "no spouses or significant other at the weddings" language in her divorce decree. She said that it has really come in handy given that they have four kids. Her new husband can't attend either.
A lot of these people are REALLY angry. They apparently have had control issues with the former spouses which they are projecting on to you. They are having a BAD day.
Good luck, D.

Answer 2

I can kind of understand the g/f &concubines...but not the new wife....why leave her out of that part of her new husbands life? Sounds controlling to me...anyways...back to your question...I have been divorced since 2003...our divorce started in 2001...its now 2007 and we have JUST now been able to agree on things...it took us 6yrs to "tweak" our divorce.... so in all honesty unless you agree on every single little itty bitty piece of your divorce.... there will always be something you forget. Once you both agree on it you can update the divorce papers...especially when it comes to custody and visitation

You have to look at it this way.... if you were with a new mate or spouse.... wouldn’t you want them to be apart of your life that involves your child(ren)? The birthdays, graduations, plays, etc... especially if you both know you are going to be together for a while and it’s not just some fling. As for the no parties unless at one another's home...who thought up that idea? In Texas the standard is that the parent not in "possession" (I hate that word) for the birthday, will have the child on his/her birthday for a few hours...are you two so disagreeable towards each other you can't have parties in a public place?

Whether I answered you question or not....everything you have stated EXAMPLES OR NOT....is just plain controlling and insecure! No one will ever take the place of you...get over the fact that he/she will replace you as their mate/spouse and find someone new....but not even the new one will take the place of you in your child(ren)s eyes...

Answer 3

Sounds like someone is a little controlling. Yes I read the question and still I have to comment. Why would it matter if your x brought his new wife to a kids event? Who really cares, your first priority is to your kids. Get on with life and stop being controlling.

Here is an example you left out though, Quit bossing each other around and move on with life.

Answer 4

I would suggest talking to a lawyer. I do know that in Canada, it doesn;t matter what you sign in the divorce - you can not prevent an ex from having his new wife/partner around the children unless you can prove that they are dangerous and get a restraining order. Anyway - as I said - get a lawyer who can give you advice that is pertinent to your actually legal system.

Answer 5

I think I understand your question... you didn't say this was something that you yourself did but something someone else had on THEIR divorce agreement that you didn't have on yours, right?

Well, I'm not divorced but I know my friend said she didn't put one thing on her divorce agreement and should have... something stating that one parent can't give permission to the child to do/get something without consulting the other or "main" parent first to see if they'd been approached already... my friend got divorced and her daughter went out and got a piercing with her dad's permission and went on a school trip when her mom had said no, she went and asked the dad and he signed the permission slip...

Answer 6

Honestly, I wish I had put in that he had to prove he was drug free, he had to remain financially responsible to see them, And that he had to commit to so many hours of one on one time with them. The no girlfriends thing, I didn't even know I could have outlined that... I think you can actually put in it that you want them attending certain types of schools... like a school witha certain rating. And somekind of protocol should the unforseeable happen and someone got hurt. And spending limit on birthdays... the last thing you want is the non custodial non child support paying parent to show up in time for a holiday and lavish them with promises and gifts you couldn't afford, just to disappear on them again. Really, just make sure you outline the level of comfort you want them to have, and both parents should maintain it. And you should outline rules such as no spanking, they may not wear make up til they are this age... being of divorced parents, I can say the worst part was the conflict of what was appropriate and acceptable in the tow households. What was ok with my mom, wasn't ok in my dad's house... You should define basic rules for them, and stick to them.
Good luck!!

Answer 7

Here is a suggestion that you should forward to your soon to be ex-husband: Former wife is no longer allowed to try to control my life. Any efforts to try to dictate how I live my life or how I interact with my own children will lead to her confinement in an institution that can help her cope with her anger and control issues.