How do I get her to listen?

Question

I am having a very very differcult time getting my 41/2 yr old granddaughter to listen to me. She is out6 of control, she goes to cath. pre school a smart kid she knows right from wrong, but wont listen or be good.... Shes been through a rough time and we are trying to help give her a good life, and she making it impossible. She recently stole from a store and frrom my purse. I raised 3 boys and never had these problems. I am afraid that she will (get into) the wrong thing oneday and hurt herself. I try to explain that the mints in my purse could be medicine that would hurt her, she cant read yet.....I keep my meds. in my purse thinking that would be safe, but no...she will take things and hide with them so she knows its wrong what shes doing...she will sneak while looking you right in the face....Help I need imput... about to loose my mind........

Answer 1

punish her....put her in time out when she acts up....take away her toys if she doesn't listen....reward her when she is good

Answer 2

I'm no expert but I think your granddaughter might have trust issues and I don't think you should accuse her of stealing mints from your purse. More than likely she just wanted candy!

It's good that you explained that it could have been meds which are dangerous but try not to over-react and make a big deal out of little things. Just put dangerous things like meds up high.

A 4.5 yr old is still a very small child and although she might be smarter than others her age, still a child no less.
Play with her more, pay more attention (loving) to her, read and take her to the park, mall, etc.
When kids appear sneaky they're not willfully being deceptive. They just have to know that you trust them and believe in them and will be there for them. It might be annoying when you can clearly see her sneaking about doing things she's not supposed to be doing or even things that she's allowed to do but is still acting sneaky.
Just persevere and keep showing her you love her no matter what. And really, who can resist love; from a grandmother no less!!

Answer 3

Did you take her back to the store and have her return the stolen items to the manager and apologize? Then she should have been punished by taking away something she enjoys/prizes (like no movies or tv for three days, no going to the park or playdates for three days). Make sure she understands that you will not tolerate stealing. Put your purse up high on a shelf so that she can not get to it. She should apologize to you for stealing from your purse also. The best advice is to be strong and consistent. Take away the things she likes to do when she misbehaves and don't give in. Make up a chart where she gets a sticker for each day she has behaved. When she gets five stickers she can have a treat (candy or ice cream or favorite movie). When she gets 20 stickers in one month tell her you'll take her and a friend to the zoo or playplace (Chuck E Cheese) to celebrate. This way you're not only disciplining bad behavior you're giving her incentive to behave. Also, remember to give her lots of hugs and kisses. Good Luck!

Answer 4

I am a firm believer in spanking. And I noticed that a few people suggested that as a solution for your problem, but from what you have said, this child is not going to be helped by spanking and may actually be made worse.

It sounds as if she is doing this for attention. Perhaps in the living situation she was in before, the only attention she got was when she was bad? So you have to train her to seek good attention for good behavior. When she does good things, give her tangible rewards-books, movies, etc. When she does bad, take away a tangible item-a favorite toy, doll, or tv privileges. If that doesn't work, seek professional help. It is obvious that you care for this child & love her. It is my feeling, from what you have said, that this kid is crying out for help, love, and attention the only way she knows how.

Good luck to you!

Answer 5

It sounds like it would be a good idea to take your grandaughter to family counseling with you. I'm sure she is not bad, her behavior is simply a way that she is handling what she's been through. It's difficult at her age to deal with things that are so much greater than they can understand. I'm sure a family therapist will be able to address her specific problems, and offer ways to avoid/handle her recent behavior for your specific situation. Have a heart to heart with her, and even if it doesn't work initially, try again. When she opens up to you, maybe she will be able to express her feelings, rather than trying to get your attention in a negative way. I'm sure she's a wonderful little girl, and you sound like a very loving grandmother. Good luck!

Answer 6

My daughter is 3 and 1/2 and she has had a listening problem do to my inconcistancy...(not saying that you are inconsistant) I have been working with her and working on myself to make sure that no matter what my "yes" is yes and my "no" is no. When she dosen't listen I squat down to look at her at my level and ask her to look at me, I tell her what was wrong and that she needs to go stand in the corner with her nose toutching the wall, hands at her side and she needs to be quiet. I sit there behind her and wait for her to stop crying, then ask her to turn around and look at me when I talk to her, if she dosen't look at me then I have her turn back around...At first this was an on going circle of time outs and a lot of tears, but she is getting SOOOO much better and is listening better now....I have never liked to spank her and I only reserve that for when she is extreemly bad, and I have never spanked her in anger. I am calm when I talk to her (even when it is REALLY hard to be calm) and I make sure and tell her that mommy loves her and wants her to be a good girl and I give her hugs and thank her for being a big girl and standing in the corner.

Answer 7

well you said she has been through a rough time, what she's doing is typical for kids who have had "issues" growing up. she's rebelling and acting out because she doesn't understand what is going on and she's scared. i hate to say it but you have to stay firm. put your meds on top of the fridge or up high where she can't get them. put locks on your door that are out of her reach and put her into counseling. she needs to learn how to channel these feelings that she is having. when she doesn't listen ground her, take something she likes away and explain that it was taken away because she was being naughty and when she can be a good girl she will get it back. also reassure her that it is not her fault and that she is loved tremendously. your lucky she's 4 1/2 and not 14.

when i had " issues" growing up the only way i knew how to deal was sto rebel. i blamed myself and i went through many foster homes until finally they put me into counseling. it took me awhile but i opened up and the therapist helped me understand alot about what had happened and made me feel alot better. especially when i opened up to him.

and to help with the reading, make it a nightly ritual to read a book of her choice. read it with her and help her pronounce each word. when she does good give her alot of appraisal and good luck. i know this is pretty hard on you but you obviously have a big heart and will make it through this hard time.

Answer 8

What we did years ago, a little (board of education would use) is not in today because of dfys, so what u have to do is take things away from her that she likes the most, or a time out chair. As far as meds I always put in high places so they dont touch them. good luck

Answer 9

Every action must have a reaction. If she gets the same positive response from every action then there's no need for her to change. But if you reward her for the good things with a positive response, she'll want to do what she can to not get that negative response for the bad she does!

Answer 10

if you have tried talking and punishment and that does not work it may be time to fight fire with fire. take something of hers out of her room and hide it. when she starts looking for it help her and say that its no fun trying to find some thing that you lost. tell her thats how you feel when she takes things from you and hides them. the next time that she steals from the store take her to the police station and tell her that is she steals again she will have to stay there. good luck.

Answer 11

Where are her parents? You didn't mention anything about them. And Grandpa? You said you raised 3 boys and never had these problems, what did you do to them when they did something wrong? How about her doctor did you ask him/her for any suggestions?