Memorable quote from George Carlin?

Question

I love his comedic style... it's really "Balls to the wall". I have all of his books, and want to see him live. Do you have a favorite quote of his that you'd like to share?

Answer 1

Love George! LOVE HIM
There are too many quotes to write, but the first that came to mind was the opening line of the No Farting Allowed album:

"WHY why...Why is it that most of the people who are against abortion are people you wouldn't want to f*ck in the first place?"

Answer 2

Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.

When someone asks you, A penny for your thoughts, and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?

Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.

Answer 3

Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?

Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong

I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose... it'll be much harder to detect

Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.

I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.

The very existence of flamethrowers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, "You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done."

Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it

"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?

You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans

Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that ...”

Here's a group of musical vermin whose mothers we wished had a health plan involving abortion: Singers with one name. Bono, Sting, Jewel, Tiffany. They're too important to have a last name. What a crock of ****! Get a last ******* name. Here's a two word name for you; Pretentious **********! Huh, how do you like that? It's bad enough the music sucks, BONO! Besides, without a last name you can't find out where they live to throw a ******* bomb through their window.

Here's another pack of jackoffs who ought to be strangled in front of their children. People who pay for inexpensive items with a credit card. You know? Folks, take my word for this, Raisinetts is NOT a major purchase. Get some ******* cash together. No one should be paying the bank eighteen percent interest on Tic-Tacs. And you're holding up the ******* line, too. Some dorky looking prick with a fanny pack waiting to be approved for a bag of Cheese Doodles. I need this like I need an infected scrotum. Get some ******* money. Next guy in front of me that pays for Newsweek with a credit card is getting stabbed in the eyes!

I don't have pet peeves; I have major psychotic ******* hatreds, okay. And it makes the world a lot easier to sort out

Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man, living in the sky who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a special list of 10 things he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these 10 things, he has a special place full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever till the end of time... But he *loves you*.

Angels, ****. What about goblins? Doesn't anybody believe in goblins? We never hear from them, except on halloween, and it's always negative **** too, you know. And zombies! Where the **** are all the zombies? That's the trouble with zombies, they're unreliable. I think if you're going to buy the angels ****, you might go for the zombie package as well.

The longer you listen to this abortion debate, the more you hear the phrase "sanctity of life," "sanctity of life." You believe in it? Personally, I think it's a bunch of ****. I mean, life is sacred? Who said so? God? Hey, if you read history, you realize that God is one of the leading causes of death

Sorry about that, I know its alot, but I love him and I had a lot more LOL

Answer 4

I like the part when he talk about going on vacation and taking your stuff and the seven dirty words and the cheer, which I cannot repeat on here...lol very funny man, first comedian I ever saw and is still my favorite next ti Eddie Izzards first standup special, Dressed to Kill.

Answer 5

Why do they call New Jersey the garden state, what are they growing, smoke stacks?

Kiss her where it stinks, take her to New Jersey.

He has gotten a bit over the top cynical of late.

Answer 6

It's a toss up. "NIMBY"-not in my back yard or "The 7 Dirty Words You Can Never Say On Television" (obviously a long time ago)!
I agree,he's awesome.

Answer 7

Let's see - so many to choose from. here is one "Why do they call Wednesday Hump Day when most people get it on the weekends?"

Answer 8

George Carlin is HILARIOUS!!!! One of my favorites is "Why is it that some else's stuff is sh*t, but your sh*t is stuff?" or something like that...

Jacksonville NC News/Events: http://www.hotelsbycity.net/blog/usa/north-carolina/jacksonville/

Answer 9

I've never had sex with a 10,but I had sex with five 2's

Answer 10

"The reason the mainstream is thought of as a stream is because it's so shallow".