My friend has a 15-year-old son who has been getting out of control lately. He has always been a decent, respectful young man but lately he has 1) taken bullets to school for no reason, 2) cursed freely at schoolmates in front of adults, and 3) cursed directly at one of his teachers. So...aside from typical punishments (grounding, taking away TV, etc.) what else would you recommend to get him to understand the error of his ways? (For example, one person we know suggested writing all the bad things he has done on a poster and making him stand on a frequently traveled street holding it. I don't know how effective that will be, but what do you think?) Any decent ideas/responses are welcomed.
2007-01-29 06:02:21 · 17 answers · asked by MissDiva1228 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Well, I was kind of a sh*thead teen boy myself - went in the Army, squared myself away, completed college, now a parent.
15 yo's are hard to discipline because what they will respond to differs so greatly. Here is my opinion, and what would have worked for me.
1. Instead of taking things away, take everything away. Make him earn what he wants - kinda like points. For instance, does all his chores this week, gets him 5 points, no problems at school this week gets him 10 points, good grades this week, 10 points, been respectful to adults this week, 5 points. Then have a points "price" for things he wants to do like so much TV for 2 points, XBox for a weekend day - 5 points, trip to the mall to buy something (or whatever) 5 poings. I liked this because it gave me real goals to work for for real things I wanted to do, plus it taught me several other things like some economics, personal responsibility, opportunity cost (I could save up points week to week for bigger things - skateboard, playstation, go to motorcycle races). My sister had some probs with one of her kids and she used this...it worked pretty well with her boy also - but you gotta stick to your guns on this one, its just as hard for the parent as it is for the kid.
2. Yes, like someone else posted, take him to the local correctional facility...not just a prison, but maybe a half-way house also.
3. Talk to the boy OPEN MINDED. Ask him what the issues are. Let him talk, don't interupt him, don't offer suggestions. Granted, they will be irrational to you/her, but at least you/she might be able to make a game plan.
4. Try to stay away from counselors on this, as there is a stigma attached to going to therapy or a shrink, and this may aggravate the situation further. Humilation is not going to work.
5. Be involved with him. I know he will resist...but do you wish you had spent more time with your parents or your parents had done more things with you in retrospect?
6. Possibly develop a hobby with him that HE wants to do...build model cars, fly remote control airplanes, dirtbikes, heck stamp collection if it is what HE wants to do...but you/she has to do it with him.
7. Realize he might just be exploring his "billy-bad-***" side.
I still curse at teachers and I am well over 30. lol. I don't know if any of this will work for him, some of it did for me, some of it did not.
Plus, I remember parents would 'ground' some of my friends, but then allow people to come over, hang out, they just would not allow their kid to leave - not really much of a punishment. Taking away TV, not really much of a punishment either, simply because there is sooo much crap in his room, radio, phone, handleld video games etc. Who cares about loosing only 1 of them.
Just some thoughts...I have a 3 year old son now, I would be curious to know how these work for you/her.
2007-02-05 06:16:57 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
If a decent respectful boy suddenly starts acting differently, SOMETHING has caused this. You do not take bullets to school for no reason...you just wouldn't. The cause could be new "friends" or influences, or something going on in his family or life that is causing him to either act out or just look for attention. I don't know.
The important thing is to get to the bottom of it and this can only be done if he is approached in a way and environment where he will not feel threatened or condemned. I am a big believer in discipline. In this case, however, finding the cause is more important.
Most people try to "discipline" their children in order to change behavior and this is not a bad thing. However, if you change the behavior without changing the attitude or reason why, it isnt as effective. I wish you well.
2007-01-29 06:15:43 · answer #2 · answered by KB 3 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Personally, I would look behind the behavior. Is he getting hassled at school? Is he unhappy with something else? Is it possible he is depressed and not sure of how to act or feel because he is confused? I ask this because it seems this happened over a short period of time. I personally would take him into the DR. and get him checked out to make sure he is not suffering from depression or somthing else.
Then once having the all clear, punishments could include, no music, no video games, no going out.
Volunteering at a soup kitchen or childrens shelter..something to drive home the sense that there is a lot more going on than what he is angry about.
And people are way worse off than he is.
Also doing laundry, folding it putting it away etc.
My brother had to clean out hog barns for punishment when everything else quit working for him...believe me thats the worst you can get..LMAO.
He appreciates now..it gave him a lot of time to think about his choices..
2007-01-29 06:22:09 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Maybe the mom should try talking to the kid. Is there a dad involved in this relationship? Kids will be kids and do dumb things, but usually they do it for a purpose. She should sit him down and let him know how it effects everyone around him and ask him what he needs. Maybe he needs more attention, maybe he needs something else. I always feel its best to go right to the source of the problem. Don't go to counseling until you at the least talk with him and try and bring out the real issue. Could be he's just being a 15 year old.
2007-01-29 06:16:01 · answer #4 · answered by backdoc 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to take the boy to counseling where he can freely talk and get to the root of his anger so he can find more positive ways of being noticed. He seems to be acting out in anger for some reason and it may be because of something at home. Find a good youth counselor for him to unload this energy in a healthy way and you will all be grateful in the future.
2007-02-05 07:38:33 · answer #5 · answered by froggsfriend 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You think embarassing this kid is going to work? It will just make him angrier and more likely to act out. The best thing to do is find out why he is acting this way. This kind of sudden change could be due to drug use or something in his personal life. A trip to a counselor could be helpful. He clearly isn't dumb, he wants attention. Find out why and you will have better answers. Finally, get him involved in some after school activities. Drama club, sports, volunteering, the Boys' and Girls' club, even a job are all good ways to give a kid structure and responsibility.
2007-01-29 06:17:31 · answer #6 · answered by Medical Disaster 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You being the mother this is a lot of stress for you.Do you work are lucky enough to stay home and be the homemaker maybe? Hope he isn,t getting drugs from someone.This sure is happening so fast. Do you see any sign of mental problems beginning? The kind of behavior is dangerous.Does he watch tv a lot? He could get some pointers from this and relates to how tv affects us all,Get him to counselor.Where is the male role the dad?Working parents is hard onj teens.Hope you find a way.
2007-02-05 17:28:16 · answer #7 · answered by becca 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
We also have a 15 year old son. We ground him for the day anytime we get a call, e-mail or note from school. For a repetitive problem, we have made a contract with him. If he continues said action, we get to pick his haircut. If that doesn't work, I would suggest to all of his clothes out of his closet and make him wear dress pants and dress shirts to school.
We got great results with the haircut that the second phase wasn't needed.
2007-01-29 06:13:26 · answer #8 · answered by Lanie A 1 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Those answers seemed a bit too harsh considering that your kids aren't always bad. When they do something extremely bad, say for instance if they get suspended from school. Make them wake up every day that they missed from school, and if its hot outside make them sit outside all day only to let them inside for bathroom. If they talk back to you, make them eat garlic and not take a shower for like two days, they will wreak of Garlic. If they get a bad grade, (most parents don't punish for this. If you do) You can make them give up their favorite item, I.g. Cell-phone, For a week. If they get caught doing something bad, for example: Smoking.. Make them, rip the cigarettes up and pick up the tobacco and put it all back together, and then rip it up again and do the same thing until you feel suited.
2016-03-29 08:16:19 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most teens will do the complete opposite to what their parents what them to. Sometimes advice and direction comes alot better from a older male friend or uncle, someone they can look up to. This really worked for some friends of mine
2007-02-04 10:36:39 · answer #10 · answered by tangerine 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋