I hate my mother. What should I do?

Question

I mean... She's a total control-freak. Just because I started smoking for a while at 15 she began controling EVERY aspect of my life. I don't have any privacy and I'm 17 now. I mean, she doesn't let me have any friends, she is constantly nagging me about school and I get very good grades, she never agrees to what I like(music, books, films,TV Shows etc.). She hates the way I dress and every time I try to talk to her, she blames everything on me. She always says that I'm the one that's changed and that I'm unaproachable and stuff like that, but after 2 years, shutting her out is the only sollution I could come up with. And now I can't even see her without my blood boiling and becoming somewhat snippy. When I tell her what's wrong she only shruggs it off and blames it all on my non-existent friends. I mean... What am I supposed to do? I just made it to the point where I hate her and I hate myself for what I feel. I'm just miserable. Help me a little please... I'm desperate.

Answer 1

First off, try to put yourself in her shoes. You call it nagging, but maybe she was fussing about your friends for a reason, I don't know. As a mother, I cringe at the thought that anyone could hate their mother. Assuming that she has been a good mother and provided for you all your life, I'd say that all parents are controlling at your age. We worry and want better for our children than we had. We also deprive them of things in an effort to save them from the world. 17 is a rough age cuz your so close to being an adult that it offends you to be restricted by parents. It does get better soon and yu'll both be able to see eye to eye. She brought you into the world and went through alot to get you where you are, try to remember that before you hastily say or think that you hate her. What would you honestly do without her?

Answer 2

Of course you've changed - you're a teenager. A healthy mature mother EXPECTS a child to change during the teenage years. It sounds like your mother wanted you to stay a child and is angry that you've grown up. This is not healthy for either of you.

On the bright side - the longest this can possibly go on is one more year because at 18 you can move out. Still, it would be nice to have a good last year together so...

You need a mature adult to have a talk with your mother since your opinions are being completely discounted by her. Ideally it should be someone who's opinion she respects. The best bet for that would be a relative such as your father or an aunt she likes. If there's no relative who can be asked then go for your clergy or school counselor.

Try to take the long view - just one more year to go! Also try to remember that parents ALWAYS hate the next generation's clothes, music, etc. Teenagers go through a phase of needing to define themselves as NOT like their parents so they deliberately pick styles as far away from what their parents like as possible. This guarantees some friction between the generations which is completely normal. Keep that in mind when you have your children - you're going to hate their stuff too.

Answer 3

My friend had this problem for years. When she was about 14 through to around 17, her mum and dad would moan at her ALL the time. And I mean all the time. She was made to do everything round the house and her little brother never had to do anything, it even made me angry. My friend would get so upset that her parents were so mean to her. I used to think it was horrible and I remember one time her dad went absolutely mad and through me out the house because my friends had forgotten to do something and she was cheeky back.

My friend also had a mouth on her, lol she still does. But now she's nearly 19, she worked hard through school and is in a long term relationship with her boyfriend, and her parents have calmed down so much. Her mum always tells her she loves n stuff.

We came to the conclusion it must've been because when her mum was 15, she became pregnant with my friends eldest brother and she didnt want that for her daughter. Once she saw my friend was one of the good ones and down the right road, she backed off loads.

So bascially what I'm saying is, hopefully this should pass. Try and make your mum see you're now working hard and going down the right route. I think it just would've given her a shock when she found out you were smoking and since that day, it just paranoid you're going to go down a bad route.

I hope this helped and you sort things out with your mum

Answer 4

Hate is a huge word, especially when you are talking about your mother. One of these days she won't be there and you will wish you had a mother to talk to. Why don't you try to get some family counseling or talk to your mom. If she won't talk then write it all down and leave it somewhere for her to read. Teen years are tough. I am a single mom now and I have a 16 year old and a 9 year old. I understnad so many things that my mother did when I was growing up that really pissed me off. Now that I am a mom I understand her side of it now. Watching your kids grow up and start their own life is heart breakingf because they don't need you as much as they used to. Well they need you but they do alot for themselves as well. She just cares about you and is trying to keep you safe while she can. Your mom loves you and you should show her that you love her. Hate is an ugly, ugly word. Right now you may not like her so well but you love your mom.

Answer 5

Try growing up sooner than later... Your mom is trying to get you to do the right things, something she believes you've alreday proven to be unable to do. You'll have to prove yourself, and yes 2 years is a bit long, but by shutting her out you've only built suspicion, not trust. You're going to have to find a way to live with her for another year or until you go to college. And remember, that may be a huge contributing factor for the way she is acting. It's possible that she's already sarting to miss you and misses you being her baby. As for the way you dress and what you do, teenagers dothe weirdest crap, and parents do tend to forget what it was like. Some have even missed their teenager oddities because they had kids too young and had to grow up. It's quite possible she doesn't want you to make the same mistakes she did. Prove your not making the same choices by talking to her, telling her what you do. If she cuts you off, ask her to let you finish. Don't cut her off.. let her voice her oppinions, and tell her (and do) that you respect that she feels that way, but your oppinion is still yours. And put more clothes on.. even I don't get what is with the need to bare all. Whatever happened to the mistery of a woman?? And yet we wonder why people continue to see us as sex objects..

Answer 6

That is the way parents are. I am a mom and I know that I am that way with all 4 of my kids. Just give it time. Soon you will be 18 and can move out. You might actually miss the "nagging".

Answer 7

Relax. I think maybe you are taking this a bit too personally. Your mom maybe controlling, hell she may even be crazy, but it takes towo people to fight and get to this point. Easiest way to diffuse the problem is figure out what your part is and stop doing it.

Answer 8

hi,
you know what i read most of the answers, the only thing i want to remember no matter and believe i raised 3 teens. she is and will always be your mom,you can not change that.

read this very carefully and remember you have 1 more to go to be legal,

GOD GRANT THE SERENITY TO EXCEPT THE THING I CAN,
AND TO CHANGE THE THINGS I CAN AND THE WISDOM TO KNOW THE Difference.
GOOD LUCK

Answer 9

this concern is terrible, i'm so sorry for you concern it must be so complicated. What are you able to do, your ideas genuinely look very restricted. ought to you bypass and stay along with your grandmother? you go with to locate some thanks to get out of there asap, that is an unbearable and unsafe concern for you, your adverse pets and your "mum".

Answer 10

Mums just want the best for their kids. They do not have a "manual" to help them raise their kids... they have to figure it out all by themselves... You know what... try changing your attitude... it works... BELIEVE ME... I was there once... Good luck and remember, she is your mum after all... :)