3 or 4 years ago, when I was a jr in High School, I started to get feelings for a friend... He was dorky, and not what I normally go for, but after becoming good friends, I started to realize that I liked him. Well eventually he asked me out and we were officially a couple. He was my first love at the age of 16. He took me out on dates and we shared so much together, talked on the phone all night even. There were days when we'd be on the phone from 7pm at night until school the next day, and we'd go to school tired as hell. We loved eachother, we both felt it.
We were together from Nov 28 2003 to Mar 6 2003.in January, things started going kinda sour, his best friend (that happened to be a girl) didnt like me, and basically wanted us 2 breakup. After so much drama, my bf broke up with me, and it was the hardest thing ever, I remember everything. Since then, I dated a guy for almost 2 years(we brokeup 4 mo ago)but it seems like I cant get over the 1st guy? Whats wrong with me? HELP!
2007-01-29 05:30:38 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
He doesnt talk to me anymore, when I was with my current ex, I'd call him and try to get him to be with me again... which caused turmoil between my bf and him (my bf was a lot bigger and basically threatened to kick his ***) so he stopped talking to him. I know its my fault he doesnt want to talk to me, but I just love him so much... and I wish he was mine again.
2007-01-29 05:32:37 · update #1
Some of the advice you're getting is right. You will never forget your first love. You experienced feelings you never had before. For the first time you and another person opened up yourselves to each other. You made yourself vulnerable for the first time. For the first time someone (the first person who didn't HAVE to love you because you're family) loved you and that felt really good. You took a risk, it was wonderful and when it ended it hurt because your heart was wide open and unshielded. And wide open and unshielded is the way your heart HAS to be to feel the way you felt when you were with him, the way it has to be to be close to someone, to love someone. The upside, is while it lasts it's wonderful. The downside is sometimes it doesn't last. Now that you've experienced all of those feelings, you have to take all of those feelings into the rest of your relationships and decide whether the guy is worth the risk. A lot of guys won't be. A few guys will. You might get hurt again, you might not. You'll probably hurt guys too, whether you mean to or not. In some ways it's not a mistake to compare your future boyfriends to your first boyfriend. There were things you liked about him. A lot. Those are qualities that you desire in a guy. A lot of other guys will have those qualities. A lot of other guys will have qualities you don't even know you like yet. Some people are telling you you'll get over him. You won't. No one really does. You could run into him when you're 40 and happily married and not be able to speak, the feelings come flooding back to you again so fast. That's just part of it. He's a part of you. But he's THAT part of you. The memory part of you. Not necessarily the one you are supposed to be with forever. Give other guys a chance. Try other kinds of guys. You didn't think he was your type at first. Maybe you should widen your horizons again. Relax, have fun with these years, and if you're open to it, you'll fall in love again.
2007-01-29 05:56:59 · answer #1 · answered by roentgenologist08 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-05-05 21:50:53 · answer #2 · answered by Charlene 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a tough trial that everyone has to go through. My first still pops into my head from time to time, and it's been over 5 years. We dated for about 3 years. Your first relationship is extremely special because you've never experienced anything like it before. You won't ever forget it, and it is nearly impossible to get those same feelings in another relationship.
This is a part of growing up that everyone must endure. In your mind it helps set the benchmark for what you want in a relationship, but more importantly it helps you understand what love is so you can find it when the time is right. You will not ever be able to obtain these feelings if you don't let go of the past. I'm not saying forget your past relationships. Past relationships help us develop in many ways, but you need to take your experiences and move forward. Staying in the past is only going to make your future relationships collapse.
It's time to change how you are seeing this past relationship. Part of being human is a never ending searching for what truly makes you happy. Change, whether it be big or small, is essential to keeping yourself happy
Instead of thinking of what you had and lost think of what you want, and what you want out of your next relationship. Take your time and never stop seeking those feelings. When you find someone that can sweep you off your feet, ride that wave for as long as you can, but always keep in mind that you must accept change in any form it may come, but it is all apart of growing as an individual.
It probably doesn't help a lot, but think about this. When you had that relationship you were very young, and the boy you once knew is probably a very different man now. You will never have that relationship back, but that doesn't mean you can't find something even better.
I'm sorry if my message is a little loopy I have a bit of medicine head. Stupid colds... feel free to email me.
2007-01-29 05:57:23 · answer #3 · answered by N 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems like you have some unfinished business with the first guy - in the sense that the breakup came so sudden and you werent able to officially end it on your side. Breakups are always heard and it takes time to get over love gone wrong - especially when the reason for the love going wrong is because of another person. You need to talk to the first guy about what your feeling and whats going on... You need to get whatever you need to get out so you can move on. Maybe you have some questions that havent been answered.. but you need to communicate with the first guy so that you can have some closure on the relationship that has effected you for so long..
2007-01-29 05:35:59 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps the first guy was so much better than the second, so you are using the first guy as a benchmark as to what is a good boyfriend. Can you get the first guy interested in you again? If not, try dating a couple of different people, and not stick with the same person. That way, you may find someone who is better than BF #1.
2007-01-29 05:34:44 · answer #5 · answered by Bird Breath 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't let it worry me too much...things have a way of working themselves out for the best. You obviously changed types you liked to date as the next guy seemed a little insecure and overbearing. To be honest with you, you'd probably be sorry if you ever went back to that first guy, because he was in such a hurry to let you go in the first place, I'm not sure you'd look at him quite the way you did back then. At least know that you can never share those intimate moments before he allowed another person to come between you ever again. Enjoy the memory, because the reality is never so sweet...
2007-01-29 06:20:29 · answer #6 · answered by wetdreamdiver 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sorry about your broken heart. Most of us out here have all gone through with the same and it hurts like crazy. Sometimes it takes months and years to get over your pain, especially when we are talking about "first love". Just know it will get better but you must help yourself along the way and make it easier for yourself to get over this breakup and heal quickly. You do not want to waste your life mourning, you need to heal and meet new people, people that will help you heal and will bring back the joy of living for you.
If you need some sort of closure with this guy call him. Do not waste time do so and you will know if there is any chance for you two again, but if he is rude and does not want to remain even friends, then let go, move on.. Life is precious and by holding on you could be preventing yourself from meeting the one who is really intended for you.
Good Luck.
2007-01-29 05:47:14 · answer #7 · answered by Mari-Mari 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nothing is wrong with you. That was the time of your life, first love marks you for life, it's very hard to forget. That's what I want you to not forget that relation. It was good, awesome, love , understanding with each other, good friends ... but it was, now it's gone and things will never be the same again. You have to go forward and change if you want to survive. If you won't do this, then you'll live in the shadows of a sweet dream.
Wake up, smell the coffee and make one step forward !
2007-01-29 05:40:34 · answer #8 · answered by LynX 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl -- You're young and he was your first true love. you have to give it time. If you were meant to be together, that's the way things will end up. If not then that only means that you have something better for you. I know that getting over the hump is hard, but with time you will get over it. In the mean time, enjoy what you have with who you're having it with. Don't sell him short and don't sell yourself short of meeting someone new. But remember, take care of yourself no matter what you're doing with whom ever you are doing it with.
2007-01-29 05:40:44 · answer #9 · answered by Vivian 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
honeslty you can keep trying and throwing yourself at him but it probably won't help.
It's been a while and you are young I would venture to say that you both had fun with the relationship and you know you liked the way you interacted
just look for those qualities you like in a new guy and try again
just hold him dear to your heart and use him to judge your future relationships.
2007-01-29 05:38:38 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋