Question about sleeping with my girlfriend?

Question

My girlfriend of one year has a one bedroom apartment, and she shares her bedroom with her four year old daughter. There are two beds in the bedroom: her daughter sleeps in one bed and she sleeps in the other. Now, lately, I have been spending the night a lot at my girlfriends house lately. I sleep either in my girlfriend's bed, or on the floor. My girlfriend only has a twin bed, so sometimes, it's hard to share a bed with her. Let me just say that there is no hanky panky going on when her daughter is present. My girlfriend and I just sleep together CLOTHED. If the father finds out about me sleeping in the same room as his daughter, can I or my girlfriend get into trouble. I would never want to jeopardize the custody she has with her child. I have met the father a couple of times and he is an okay guy. He knows that I slept over one time when my girlfriend was extremely sick, and he didn't mind. I also don't want to confuse the 4 year old.

The kid, my girlfriend, and I all have a close relationship. The daughter often times ask me to spend the night because I've created such a close bond with both my girlfriend and her. She is like a daughter to me, but I don't want to jeopardize her well being.

hey, kingskid1961, I must say that you don't know me at all. We do not mess around, have sex, etc, around her daughter. That is sick. And, my girlfriend is a great mother. She can't afford a two bedroom apartment because the father is a loser who is on SSI. He won't get a job, and the courts say that he doesn't make enough money to pay support. Her daughter is very well adjusted. She is not clingy to her mom. As a matter of fact, her daughter is very helpful because her mom has a disability. Her daughter is an angel. We have talked about moving in together, but my gf just moved into the apartment complexes 5 months ago. She doesn't want to keep changing the living situation for her daughter. I was only curious. I am also going to talk to my gf about my concerns. So, to anyone who wants to judge me, go ahead. You don't know me. You don't know how much I love both my gf and her daughter. You don't know how many times I've taken care of both of them.

Answer 1

Why don't you guys invest in a sofa bed. i think it's great that you are concerned about the child's well being but I don't think that it is a good idea to sleep in the same room with her even with your clothes on. If you can't afford a sofa bed, maybe a futon will do the trick. They are relatively inexpensive..

Answer 2

I guess my biggest questions are what are your personal living arrangements and was she married? If she was married it may say something in the divorce papers to shed some light on this matter. I would do a little research in your state and find out. Because if her daughter gets taken away she will never forgive you. Honestly, If I were in your shoes I'd rethink the situation maybe sleep on a pull out couch but why start trouble!!! Because if the father has her for weekend visits it's bound to come up in conversation kids are innocent and they say things when u least expect them too. I guess the easiest way to solve this problem is propose on Valentine's day,elope, buy a home ( unless u already have one) and problems for the most part are solved???
Good Luck my thoughts are since u asked the question you must have some opinions, do what you know is right.

Answer 3

this should be no problem. i understand that money is tight and it is tough sometimes to manage to keep ahead if not impossible. do not worry about the people who degrade you. you sound like a great person and it sounds like your girlfriend is really doing the best she can. i am glad to hear that you have developed a close relationship with the both of tem and really care about them. you wouldn't believe how many guys and women out there are just looking for a piece and don't care about anything else. your girlfriend is right about not wanting to uproot her child from where they are. it is important for her child or any child for that matter to have some consistency. if a child is constantly moved around they have trouble developing good relationships with friends becuase they barely have time to make any. you or your girlfriend should not get into any trouble that would jeopardize custody as long as you can prove as stable home is being provided for the child and she is being taking care of. the father may eventually havea different view but i don't see any danger of being in trouble or jeopardizing the custody of her child. now i will give you a heads up. as the child gets older childrens services will look down on the fact that the child does not have their own room. this may be a possible point for the father to bring up if he trys to get custody of her and does have a spare bedroom for her. i'm just letting you know he may try this and they would agree with him on this point because after a certain age a child is too old to sleep in the same room as parents but this shouldn't give him the right to get her from mom just a hassle by childrens services until you get a two bedroom apt or house. i know it is tough but you two are doing the right thing. continue to do so. you two show more responsibility than most people in this situation. i really hope this helps. good luck.

Answer 4

If they are divorced and you are not doing anything wrong (sex in the same bedroom) then its no different than living with your girlfriend full time. If she feels that its a problem then maybe you should get a sleeper couch so that you all are in different rooms. However I have never heard of a parental unit losing custody of a child due to people sleeping in the same room clothed. You can always call a custody attorney and just see what they have to say. Or check out the laws for your state. I live in Mo an I can't speak for other states :) Good Luck sounds to me like there would not be a problem if your not doing anything wrong!

Answer 5

#1. If the father has any shred of dignity or pride, he'd do whatever he could to make sure his daughter had her OWN room, IF he isn't then as far as I'm concerned it's none of his damn business if/where you sleep with his ex. And from how you describe the situation, I don't see anything wrong. Sleeping with your girlfriend is perfectly normal/natural and as you describe, shouldn't be confusing to any 4 year old.

If you're not being completely truthful and there is/may be some 'hanky panky', skimpy clothing/none, etc, you then you wouldn't just have to be worried about the father kicking ***, he'd have to wait till I was done with you. Sleeping in the same ROOM, clothed...there is nothing even remotely miscontrueable about that.

Plus you could get a small room divider, ONLY for the added impression of privacy.

Answer 6

I agree with wwefanatic...except about the father possibly trying to get custody. If he isn't contributing with any type of child support to improve the living situation for his daughter then there is no chance that he can take care of this little girl as a primary parent. It is best that the little girl have her own room but if that isn't possible then maybe you can find a way to divide the room or purchase a sofa bed for the living room. It will bring peace of mind to you and your girlfriend. You sound like a great guy that wants to do the right thing.

Answer 7

Just be real careful. You sound like you are a real great guy and very thoughtful too. Maybe your gf should get a pull out bed for the living room. Be careful of what you do around her daughter, sometimes they see and say things that should stay within the house

Answer 8

Well what your doing is wrong, if your girlfriends ex-husband finds out and decides to go to the courts about this or worse case senario goes to CPS your girlfriend could lose that child because of those arrangments. If she is low income I would suggest applying for section 8 to allow her to provide proper sleeping arrangements for her child. At age 4 a child should be sleeping in her own room, not in the room with her mother. I would also say that I find it hard to believe that a couple sleeps in the same bed and does nothing. That don't wash with this old minister.

Answer 9

You may not have a legal situation if we are behaving appripriately when the child is around and if you are staying over occassionally with a clear justifiable need to stay over.

It may be ok now as the child is 4 yrs old. But, this is in appropriate as the child grows up

Answer 10

I say no there is nothing wrong as long as u two are just sleeping as you say. The child is young and doesn't really understand what is going on. It seems u love her and her daughter. I feel like it is disrespectful to the farther. He shouldn't know about it personally. If i was the farther i would be upset. But if u and ur girlfriend have a understanding then do as u please, but as long as ur doing right.