My boyfriend and i have the PERFECT relationship. I would never suspect him for cheating. He is thoughful, and kind, and it is just very very obvious that he loves me. But he has this thing for online chatting, and pics, and stuff, that i don't understand, and frankly am very bothered by. I don't know how to react to it, or to even approach it in a convestaion, because i don't thinkof it as a negative, but it makes me feel like somehow i failed to fulfill something he's finding there.. Advice?
2007-01-29 05:01:44 · 13 answers · asked by Tina_Me 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
He is one of those late bloomers, lost his virginity very late and i guess before he did, the net was the way to go. I uderstand how he must have gotten used to it, but i figure...u're in a real life relationship now..it's time to move one.
Ohh, and it's not that he's looking for something new. My sexual appetite is a lot stronger than his, i am a lot more experienced than he is..there are a lot of things to experience "around the house" before needing to go out. so to speak.
2007-01-29 05:22:44 · update #1
I am constantly amazed that girls are still brought up to believe that they can fulfill every one of their man's desires. You make an incorrect assumption that love somehow eliminates any other desires that don't pertain to you.
Sorry, that's not how men work.
He loves you because you fulfill his most important desires, not all of them.
True love will keep those other desires in the unimportant category.
2007-01-29 05:18:31 · answer #1 · answered by lunatic 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The question is not whether "someting is missing from what you can give him and therefore is he online" but these:
Do you enjoy to be with him?
Does it make you feel good to give him what you want to give?
If yes, just don't bother to worry. Enjoy your life and anticipate good things to happen. Then they will come. What you believe is what you create, so if you worry that something could be wrong then it will be wrong - you set it up to be wrong - but if you think it's all right then it's all right and you both will enjoy to be together. If you wanna talk about the stuff with him, go on and talk with pleasure. Enjoy to talk about anything - and he will be open to tell you how it REALLY is as he'll feel your sincere curiosity.
One of the guys here wrote that guys think and feel totally other way than girls about the stuff online.
That's true. I mean, on average. Sure enough there are guys, too, who don't care about erotic chat or pics or movies or they are socially programmed to resent it even if they feel they would enjoy it. And a lot of people do have problems which cause them to be addicted to the online stuff or to not being able to enjoy it with a free spirit.
We are all on other level of enlightment in all areas of life ;)
Anyway it is, if you love him and you wanna know him better, be free to talk with him about this too.
Don't take it seriously :) Enjoy your life, take it as a next possibility to learn something.
Care less about the outcome (how it does change your relationship or your life). Look at the process of "getting yourself to the next level of understanding". Learn about yourself and him. That will bring much better outcome for you anyway!
Even if you would break up with him as an end result - you will do it to get yourself into a better life. Be always ready for great changes - and I mean not just big but Great. It can be your relationship on a completely other, higher level, or a free life without a boyfriend, or with another boyfriend, how you ever decide to have it. Be yourself!
2007-01-29 06:52:51 · answer #2 · answered by mundonuevo 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What kind of things is he looking at online? Does he enter dating chat rooms? And is he exchanging pictures/info with people he chats to? Is so, I'd say thats definitely something you should bring up as a problem.
Don't think that you are not fulfilling something either. Your boyfriend might just feel the need to flirt.
2007-01-29 05:08:08 · answer #3 · answered by Nameless 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
usually when a spouce, boy friend etc... is online and lusting after other people weather it be porno chatting or what ever it means there is something lacking in your own relationship. something he is looking for online that you are uncomfortable with do not hesitate to ask him. it is better to find out exactly what it is he sees online that he is lacking with you. i am married i chat online with people bbut it is only to a woman. i do not chat with men because if i need to talk to a man i have one. if you are comfortable with him chatting to other women then that is on you but i would be careful. sometimes people just chat with others online because they are board. if he sees you every day maybe he feels he is running out of things to talk about. my husband works all day long when he comes home he goes online. reads the paper checks his sports stats and gets off to spend quality time with his daughter and i. a good recomendation for you is to divert his attention away from that. you are obviously feeling bothered by it. go to a movie, go shopping together. have a picnic if weather permits it, get into a sport the two of you like and watch it on tv. take up fishing most men like doing that. you might get some enjoyment out of that. let him know that to maintain a serious relationship you need to focus on together time. do let your self go around feeling guilty. if he is worth you he will listen to your concerns and be straight and honest with you so you to can work together to correct the problem. if he continues to do behavior that makes you feel uncomfortable then you have two choices. put up and shut up or move on. good luck
2007-01-29 05:12:39 · answer #4 · answered by wedjb 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The male human has a need to see, touch, feel, and think about sex. Sex for us is not a connection thing. It is not an intimate end all. As a man we need to know that we are giving pleasure to our love interest. We spend a lot of energy seeking ways to turn on our lover, girlfriend, wife. Although most women feel that our activities is due to their failure, we know that it is only because we desire to please them that we engage is these activities.
Now that you know where most males are coming from, relax and enjoy the relationship of your man. Men do not enjoy sex with the intensity that women do. For a man a large part of the enjoyment is gotten from the sharing of the orgasm of the female. Any woman that hides her orgasm deserves a man that seeks a woman that openly expresses her orgasm. Share yourself with your man and you will find that he will make and seek to make you happier and happier.
2007-01-29 05:15:30 · answer #5 · answered by whatevit 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am a guy, and I am not interested in that. Some are, and some are not...for some it is harmless fun, others...well...you know.
Speak up NOW! Do not let something like this fester, as you will get hurt...if he can not give something like that up for you, then he is not worth your love. This is not something that he would have to do...such as working late, helping friends out...This is a perversion of his, and if he is not ready to give that up, perhaps he is not ready to devote his loyalty to you.
I have seen too many relationships break up over this, and girls that suffer for not speaking up.
2007-01-29 05:10:20 · answer #6 · answered by Aaron S 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He doesn't look at his habits as a way of hurting your feelings or for a lack of love for you. Plain and simple men love to look. We are not comparing you to them or wishing we had them in place of you by any means. Men are just aroused by visual and mental stimulation. Most women don't understand this because they connect their emotions and physical stimulations to such arousal. Even if he can control these impulses and reduce the occurrences to your liking, he will not completely stop looking. Just remember, I has nothing to do with anything you are lacking! He still loves you completely and does enjoy spending romantic time with you sexually and lovingly!
2007-01-29 05:10:16 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The whole online thing is pretty normal. It does not meen that you are lacking in something, it could be that he is looking for ideas. Think about this, when he is with you does he devot his time to you or does he talk about someone he met onlie? Guys think about sex all the time and sometimes get online to talk about it or look at pictures and so on. It is normal.
2007-01-29 05:05:59 · answer #8 · answered by UT FAN 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Relax, he is just playing online, and that is harmless, sort of an interactive playboy. Unless of course he is making plans to meet with someone. My wife and I both flirt with people online. We even chat with some of the same people. Kept in perspective, it is harmless fun.
2007-01-29 05:09:15 · answer #9 · answered by totalmaniac 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He just has an active fantasy life - it is no reflection on you. As long as he doesn't act on these fantasies by having sex with any of these women, it's not a problem.
2007-01-29 05:07:37 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋