I've been with their Dad for 2 yrs. Things started out ok but as time goes on, I feel like I'm getting farther away from them. I'm not mean to them in any way but I do insist they follow the rules that their Dad and I have made. He has a condition which occasionaly causes short-term memory loss so it is hard for me to NOT be a disciplinarian in the house. The boys are very greedy and don't appreciate anything. Nothing we do is ever enough. They've become completely disobedient and disrespectful. We praise them when they do good, tell them we love them and we're proud of them, play with them, and follow through on punishments. I feel like we're doing everything right but with no good outcome. It keeps getting worse. We know their Mom and her parents put us down and seem to encourage the boys to be rude to us. They aren't reasonable and won't respond to any logic. How do I get closer to the boys and stop battling? How bad is it if I speak my mind about their Mom? I haven't in 2 yrs.
2007-01-29 03:46:35 · 6 answers · asked by yadayada 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
We don't have custody. Also, their Dad and I do agree on all of our rules and we try to make it clear that I am merely enforcing the rules their Dad made. He DOES step up and discipline them but often times he CAN'T do to factors beyond his control. The kids are also aware of his medical condition.
The Mother is who I was saying is not logical or reasonable and my husband has tried talking to her, and we've tried writing letters to her explaining these things with no change.
Thanks for responding everyone...keep it coming.
2007-01-29 06:59:54 · update #1
Just continue doing what you are doing. The most important thing is to do the right thing as they get older they would realise the benefit of their discipline. As adults you cannot let children be the boss. if their mom loved them so much why didn't she take them.
2007-01-29 04:04:19 · answer #1 · answered by Ans 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
With kids this age, you as the step-parent, can not be the one to discipline them. It just never works and will only cause resentment. Their father must be the one to discipline. The two of you together must provide a united front and agree on all the rules, but he has to do the disciplining. He also needs to step up here and talk to their mother to get her talk to stop.
Kids that age aren't reasonable and logical - that part of their brain doesn't develop until into the late teens. If you want to stop the battling - your husband has to make it happen.
2007-01-29 04:02:49 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you feel the mom is the problem, then you should sit her down and discuss the issues like women. Explain to her that you love the boys and would never do anything to hurt them. Tell her you can see potential in them, and you want the best for them. you also know her love for them is a by far greater love, but all feelings aside you both have the same goal, which is making sure they will grow up to be all that they can be. so rather then teach them to hate their father and step mom you should encourage them to show some respect. if it keeps up, and nothing changes you can at least say you gave it your best shot....good luck
2007-01-29 04:31:13 · answer #3 · answered by Tabatha 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Personally, I think you should confront the mom if you know for a fact that she is talking crap. I am an almost stepmom of 1 she is 12 yrs old and it has been a battle. She complains about everything. For 12 she does have a lot going on but out one side of her mouth she says she loves me out the other she totally hates me. Maybe talk to the boys and see how they feel about the whole situation, They probably feel torn because their mom is their mom and they are close to you guys also.
2007-01-29 03:55:37 · answer #4 · answered by chiefs fan 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are fighting a losing battle.Keep on doing exactly
what you are doing now.Remember they see things through the eyes of a child.I had the same problem with my step sons.
No matter how hard we tried,nothing worked.
divorce is difficult on children and most of the time they
will act out in some way.It might help if you get them
counseling .I use to tell myself they will not live with us
forever,and that helped.
2007-01-29 04:08:37 · answer #5 · answered by jojo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do not talk bad about their mother...but, get their Dad to stand up to the little brats and make them understand that the rules that you are trying to enforce are his rules too.
2007-01-29 03:56:16 · answer #6 · answered by IGH3Rat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋