My son throws a lot of tantrums?

Question

He throws a lot a day, My husband finally realized that my job at home isn't all laid back. My son has toys and he wants them in the living room, but my daughter needs to crawl. I tell him I am putting them in his room and he freaks out and throws a tantrums, he wants a cookie I say no, he throws a tantrum, he wants to watch t.v. I say no, he throws a tantrum. All day every day. I put him in time out and have been doing so for 1 year, he just turned two. Time out is not working. He'll throw a tantrum at the mall, at the bank, everywhere and hardly listens. What should I do? It's been hard to try to potty train him. I ask him nice and he tells me no, and I make it exicting and he'll throw a tantrum. what to do? I don't show my frustration.

Answer 1

IGNORE the tantrum. DO NOT GIVE IN to the tantrum. He wants attention and he wants it NOW and KNOWS how to get what he wants or the attention he wants. He's probably jealous of the baby, because he sees you giving her alot more attention than him. You need to schedule some time for mommy & baby, mommy & son, mommy & both children, and mommy & daddy ALONE. When he's pitching a fit in public, LEAVE. This isn't because I or anyone else doesn't want to deal with your child's tantrum (even though in reality, we don't), this is because he will see when he's behaving badly that mommy isn't going to tolerate it. Teach him about embarassment and that his tantrums embarass mommy, and it's not acceptable to embarass mommy.

Adding after reading some responses. Don't spank him for a tantrum - Even NEGATIVE attention is attention. He wants any kind of attention that you will give him. You have to completely block out the tantrum and not give him any attention at all until he calms down. Tell him that any time he acts ugly, mom is going to ignore him until he can come to mommy like a person and treat mommy like a person. The only I see spanking as an option whould be when a child is doing something that is putting them in immediate danger to life and/or limb or breaking a law. Nip the behavior in the bud now to save yourself many years of embarassment.

Answer 2

I taught daycare and we had a psychologist talk to us about this very thing. They are only throwing the fit for the attention and hope that you'll give in. If you're like me, you normally probably do because that's your baby. You can't though...regardless of the extremely loud, heart - wrenching, fit. He told us to say, "I've already told you what we are going to do. I'm not changing my mind. I am the boss. Tell me when you are done acting ugly." Then you're supposed to walk away and act like you don't see /hear the fit. It works cause they realize that they are benefiting nothing with the tantrum. You just better be equipped w/ patience if you plan on trying it. They will throw several MAJOR long - lasting fits before they realize that you are for real. The first time I did it with one of my twins, she cried & screamed until she fell asleep. It was awful. But I got my point across. It's hard, but all children go through it. Just stop it now before you have a 10 yr old doing it. Good luck.

Answer 3

First of all, it's great that you're able to not show your frustration. I have a 20 month old who is just starting to get into the whole tantrum thing. My approach is to(try) not to show frustration, I say something like "That's pretty sad, maybe you'd like to do...whatever...instead.?" I try to divert his attention a lot, which sometimes works and sometimes doesn't. If we're out, store, coffe shop...and he starts having a fit, we just leave. It's important not to reinforce tantrums by giving in to his wants. My son is an only child, so far, but I've seen nephews get kind of rambonxious when they get siblings, so that may be part of it, not having all your attention anymore. I also think toddlers understand a lot more than they're given credit for and I would suggest talking to him about proper ways to behave and rewarding his good behavior, even verbally. Never underestimate the power of positive reinforcment. I know it's tough, hang in there.

Answer 4

1--Don't give in. It doesn't sound like you are, but it bears repeating. Anytime you give in it reinforces the behavior.

2--Don't punish him for tantrums. I'm not opposed to a good spanking or time out, but it sounds like he may be doing to get attention in response to the new baby. Any action--including spanking, lectures and time outs--can actually reinforce tantrums by giving him attention. Lots of kids get to the point that they seek any kind of attention, even negative attention.

3--Ignore him. Say, "Hmmm. I've never seen someone turn that shade of blue before." Then deliberately step over him and walk out of the room. You may want to limit him is some way so that he doesn't hurt himself or others. For example, you might put him in his crib (if he's still in it) or in his room. But, make sure you do it quickly and withdraw yourself. After a while, he'll look up and see that he isn't getting any attention. If you're in public, still let him through the tantrum and ignore him. Keep an eye on him without him noticing. A lot of people will understand what you're doing and be patient with you. If you can't, remove him immediately to a restroom or the car or other place and then let him carry out the tantrum.

My son would stop yelling then stand up and look around for me. When he finally found me, he would instantly start again. It cracked me up; I could tell most of this was put on if he could control himself long enough to go looking for his audience.

4--Find any excuse to praise him for good behavior. Anytime he is good in a store, really go overboard telling him what a big boy he was and how well he acted and how proud you are of him and how grown-up he was. If you have to tell him "no" on something and he takes it pretty well, say "i'm so proud of how you handled that." Especially with the new baby, I'd look for any excuse to make a big deal out of him. "Wow! You did a great job! I can't believe how big you're getting!" I've heard pediatricians say that you should try to make it a 2 to 1 ratio of good comments to bad. For every time you have to get on his tail about something, look for two more things (obviously, later in the day) to brag on him about.

5--Develop a deaf ear for a while. Some kids take longer to grow out of this stage than others, and some kids are genuinely losing their temper and take longer to get control of it than others.

I'd probably hold off on potty training until the tantrums have subsided some. Otherwise the anger of tantrum war may spill over in the potty training, and that battle is going to be hard enough without starting off on the wrong foot.

Answer 5

WOW! That sounds so familiar to my son. He used to throw fits and i would put him in time out and that never would help him. He just threw fits while he was there. I started spanking his butt and taking toys away and hiding them when he would not listen. I also would reward him when he was being good. I started giving him positive judgment and guess what? IT WORKED! He is four now and yeah he still crys or whines when he gets mad sometimes but the fits are gone. All kids are different so I hope it helps you like it helped me. I know how it feels when you wanna pull your hair out just because you asked him to pick a toy up. Good Luck!

Answer 6

Remove him from the situation and then give him a time out. A good rule of thumb: Mean what you say and say what you mean. If you threaten him with something then you HAVE TO do it no matter what. If he understands that there are repercussions for his actions then the tantrums will settle down.

Answer 7

Stick to your guns when you tell him to do something and he wont. Let him know what the consequences will be if he doesn't do them and follow through with them NO MATTER WHAT. I'd try putting him in his room when he trys to go crazy like that. And don't let him come out until he quiets down. It may take an hour or 4 hrs of screaming but he will learn within a matter of days that he gets better results when he listens to what you tell him and that you are not going to give in.

Answer 8

This is so normal but so annoying... Honestly you just have to let him cry it out. My nephew is about the same age and we put him in a room for about 5 minutes when he does this. 2 is like the worst age for a child. You will get through it. I watch the Nanny show a lot. You get really great tips from the show. Good Luck

Answer 9

He is testing to see what he can get. In the past, he has learned that making a lot of noise, raising cain, etc will get him his toy, food, tv show, etc.
Next time, no matter where you are, take him to a place where there are NO distractions and let him scream. Just be there to make sure that he doesn't hurt himself.
It will take a while for him to relearn his behavior, but he will, provided you are strong.
Good luck.

Answer 10

At two years old it is time to use the hand that God gave you. I understand that you may not like to whip your child but the old saying "Spare the rod spoil the child" is o so true. A child needs a good a$$ whipping every now and then to let them know that you will not tolerate the back talk and refusal to do what he is told also to let him know that his actions in public is embarrassing to you so if he continues to embarrass you in public then you will return the favor to him. Please take this advice so that later on in life he doesn't feel that he can run you and get away with it. If people would whip not beat their children then we wouldn't have all the youths in as much trouble as they are today, but so many people are afraid of a child abuse charge for this i blame the government. They don't want you to whip your kids but yet they want to hold you responsible when they mess up, i say then you take them and raise them and see how far they get with them. I actually had a sheriff tell me one time that if i think my kids need a a$$ whipping to call him and he would come to my house and make sure that i whip them with in the law. In most states you can whip them on the butt three times and believe me i used all three when they don't listen. I refuse to let a child dictate or run me, they need discipline as well as love to strive to live productive life.