should my son find his father?

Question

My son now 23yrs old move away from home with a friend and now lives In the Lone star state.He tell me his movtive was to make away from home and possibly look for his father who also lives in the Lone star state.We tried many times to contact him throught out the years and even found him on myspace,but refused to contact us back..The last time my son ever saw his father was in 1992 when he was just 9. His family will not even give me nor my son his where abouts he might be to find him.How can I tell my son he doesn't want to know anything.Should I stay out of this...HELP

Answer 1

You have to let your son do this. All you can do is be supportive of him, whatever the outcome of it is. There is something that he needs to resolve, whether it just be to find him and tell him that even though he wasn't part of his life, he still made it as a man. Or if for some reason he really wants to try to have this relationship. If anything just talk to him about the possible outcomes and assure him that as always, you will be there for him. Don't try to talk him out of it though, there may be some resentment if you do. He may feel like you just don't want him to know his father.

Answer 2

As an adult with a similar situation, I think your son should look for his father. He is just looking for closure. He needs to see what his dad is doing now. I looked for my dad about this age also. I found him, and guess what he is a bum just like my mom said. He married a woman who takes care of him and has 3 children who are bums too. I have 5 kids and he never even makes an effort to call or see his grandkids. I am glad he was never in my life.

Answer 3

My opinion as a step parent who has been the only "dad" in my stepsons life is, it is something he as an adult feels he needs to do for closure, I'm sure he will find out what he has known all along, and to some degree he probably knows this as well. Don't have fears as children (even ones who are now adults) know the truth, meaning who has been there for them and who has not.

I know this sounds stupid, but watch the movie Joe Dirt. Obsessed with finding his parents and in the end realizing he knew all along they were dirt bags.

Answer 4

What a tough situation!
I would say maybe stay out of it. Your son is grown now and it is something that he wants to do. It might hurt him in the long run but he is old enough to find out for himself. It will probably help him grow!
Good Luck!

Answer 5

Tell your son the truth, I've been in the same situation. I found out the hard way direct from the MIA parent.....very devastating. My mother tried to tell me not to pursue it but I did anyway.... "Dad" married with kids ... wanting nothing to do with me nor did he want his family to know about me. Its so hard as a child to accept that some parents are only donors.....but if you already know for 100% that his father will not be responsive PLEASE TELL HIM.

Answer 6

i think it's a thing that he wants to know his father and i congraulate you on being surportive of that decision but sometimes these no good dead beat dads really need not to be looked for or just don't (sadly to say ) want to be found cuz of there cowardliness. you just stick by him in what ever he do cuz what he might find is hurt for him self. so continue to surporting him and let him find out for him self or sit him down and tell him hey he doesn't want to be found and if he still wants to find him let him but remind him of what would and could happen if he continues thats what mother do stick by him is all you really can do never disencourage him. good luck in your findings.

Answer 7

This is something your son is going to have to deal with on his own, just support him. I was in the same situation with my father and it turned out he was a huge loser! I am glad I was able to find out on my own. My mom kept telling me that he was not good but it's something the child...when grown, needs to discover for their own.

Answer 8

if finding his father is a big part of his life let him look and will satisfy him even if he doesnt get the answer hes looking for him it must have been hard for him to grow up without a father i know it is for me but just let him do his own thing

Answer 9

He's 23 so he's old enough to know the truth. However, I suggest that you give your son the family members numbers and let him hear it for himself.

Answer 10

Yes let him find his dad i'm only 14 years old and i'm trying to find my dad young adults or adults especially males need a father figure in their life.