After being widowed almost two years ago, I have been dating and have enjoyed being intimate with a couple of well chosen friends but I'm starting to feel like crawling back into the shell I occupied while mourning.
I have no desire to fall in love, let alone have any kind of committed relationship.
For some reason I feel I should return to spending my time alone and am considering taking a serious vow of celebacy for a specified period in order to rethink things.
Have you ever been intentionally celebate? What were your reasons and could you tell me what, if anything you learned or gained?
Understand I am talking about people who have been sexual and then withdrawn from it for a time, not those who have vowed to remain virgins til marriage.
Any thoughts welcome.
2007-01-29 03:16:07 · 8 answers · asked by Ande 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
answerers are talking about grieving and down time etc...from my point of view "grieving" and "mourning" the completion of a relationship does not happen over time - it happens in a moment ....
what most people call grieving and mourning over long period of time ...wearing black ...being celibate...being depressed...sad....reflecting.... is actually "avoiding" the pain of separation ...change..etc..- which humans have a capacity to do for decades and decades for a lifetime! That is not grieving!
what do you want to create for yourself in your life in the area of full self expression? ...completion from the past? maybe a vibrant sexual self expressed life? what would it look like?
you do not seem like the type who would be lit up and thriving in a self imposed shell!
Myself I adhere to the 'Zen' approach to sex :
I have sex when I have sex and I don't have sex when I don't have sex.
Our culture has love and sex all fokin jumbled together..i am struggling with distinguishing the two myself and failing fokin miserably - i just do not have any answers for this one ...i think it is a new paradigm and any ground you take in uncollapsing the two would be welcomed by allot of us!!
2007-01-30 03:38:32 · answer #1 · answered by lowroad 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I am currently in the same position as you-----I was divorced now two years ago and i had a couple of non committed sexual expereinces and felt like this is not what i want. So I decided to stop and do some rethinking and find myself first. So I decided to not have sex until that right time and that would be for me the right man cause i do want true love......Its been a little hard.....but once i continue on focusing on what the goal is it will get better.
So Good luck and God Bless
2007-01-29 03:27:24 · answer #2 · answered by msann 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I tried this for 1 year after i was hurt in my last relationship i need to reevaluate myself what si it that i wanted.. infact i took an extreme rout and went to zambi to an aids refuge and worked as volunteer there...
what did i learn well i leanerd denying urself simple pleasure with the right person is nto healthy i learned to be happier... in who i am and MUCH more confident... and had a different outlook on life..
That said spending time in the wilderness... with nothing but hippo sounds moving through the vegetation at night was absolutely amazing....
To be honest u sound like a great women.. an dperhaphs u need to enjoy the right kind fo experience i am not being sleazy.. but contact me if u like
2007-01-29 03:40:38 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're probably still grieving. Depending on your age, give yourself some time - you'll probably change your mind. Otherwise, there's nothing wrong with celibacy.
I was intentionally celibate after being active for over 3.5 years before marriage - for personal/spiritual growth. So what, you're celibate. It's actually no big deal if you don't make it a big deal.
2007-01-29 03:22:32 · answer #4 · answered by downinmn 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think you should do whatever feels comfortable for you, if that means remaining celebate for a period of time then go for it.
2007-01-29 03:46:59 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it would be a good way to clear out the confusion that comes with multiple partners while you sort out what is in your head and heart.
2007-01-29 03:24:27 · answer #6 · answered by penhead72 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I've tried for 2 years, never again.
2007-01-29 03:22:24 · answer #7 · answered by Kev's Girl 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No - you don't have to be in na committed relationship to enjoy sex
2007-01-29 04:20:23 · answer #8 · answered by bad_bob_69 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋