What should I do to leave this controlling relationship?

Question

My boyfriend is making me ill. I ended the relationship due to his binge drinking and putting me in danger due to this. The problem is that he calls me 30 times per day at work, on my mobile so on. He tries blaming me for all his problems by wearing me down saying I have done wrong by not helping, supporting him enough, so on. Then it goes to he loves me and he is sorry, then he calls me to pick on my voice tone and say I am being funny with him because I do not sound happy to hear from him and I am "punishing" him enoough and I am making him ill. I left him due to him drinking at the weekends and being aggresive to me, lying about alcohol consumption and being really controlling, not allowing me male friends, to go out with my friends, wear certain clothes, so on. He says to think of the ggod times we had, which we did sometimes, and to realise im his best friend. But how do you treat your best friend like this? Anybody else out there had this problem and how did it work out for you

Answer 1

The only way you can do this is by leaving him alone. I know it's sounds like he is not leaving you alone. But by answering on the phone and talking to him, you keep him hanging on.

So explain to him the next time he calls that you think he needs time alone to sort his thoughts out, and that he shouldn't call you for a while, and that you wont answer the phone even if he calls, not because you want to hurt him but on the opposite to help him in the long run. Tell him the no matter how hard it will be he has to endure.

Right now there seems to be too much tension in him, and he obviously has problems with himself that you cannot help him with. Sometimes people need to be let fall on the ground, to make them realize that it is their own behavior and no one else's fault that made them get to the bottom.
This is the only way to make him face with his own problems on his own. Once he starts work wit himself, he will be able to contact you in a respectable way, at that time you can show him your support as a friend or as you feel for him.

Good luck!

Answer 2

You need to cut off all ties with him. He sounds dangerous. He is playing Manipulative Controlling Jerk with you. And will continue this behavior as long as you let him. DO NOT give into him. GET OUT. And if he continues to harass you by way of the phone or anything else (30 phone calls a day is way beyond excessive), you need to get a restraining order against him. You said he's put you in danger before, this abusive relationship is no good. Get out while you can. If not things could turn grim. And possibly morbid.

Answer 3

You seriously just have to let go and walk away. Tell him you do not want to speak to him anymore and that "best friends" don't treat each other like this. I have been out of an abusive relationship for about two years now and he still shows up in random places. Start avoiding now and hopefully he will move on. You will feel SO much better about yourself when you are finally free of him. You will feel even better when you get into a better/healthy relationship and realize how great it is to have someone that truly cares about you and treats you right. Good luck!! :)

Answer 4

He is trying to manipulate you. The fact is that you can leave someone for any reason you choose. You can leave them if you simply don't like the way they dress or whatever! You do not need to justify ending this relationship. He is just trying to keep you under his thumb. Don't fall for it. It is not your job to support him and you are not punishing him. You are simply through with him, a decision which you have every right to make.
I suggest you get a new phone number and don't give it to him. And don't fall for his psych games with you. Just completely evict him from your life, forget about him, and move on. Any kind of contact with him at all will just drag you down and delay your future.
Good luck to you, dear. I speak from experience on this. It may sound harsh, but really, cut it off clean and stay away from him.

Answer 5

This man is an alcoholic. And you are wise to leave. they are very selfish people and are only concerned with their comfort zone, he is using the guilt card on you, don't play into it. Actually if you stay you are only "rescuing him", tell him there are consequences for his actions and you do not feel this is a healthy realtionship for you. Encourage him to get help in A.A., for himself so that HE can have a better life, with or without you. He is co-dependent and will drain the life out of you. Do not take his calls, avoid him, and tell him until he makes a change, HE has left you no choice. Push comes to shove, get a restraining order. You have to let this man go, you will NEVER change him or win, until he is busted and disgusted with his life and seeks help from the proper resources to overcome his drinking. And do not attend any AA meetings with him if he goes...break free from him. He needs to take responsibility for his own life and you are entitled to yours. Period.

Answer 6

yes I had the same problem and i kept putting up with it. then the hitting started and I ended up staying in that for 15 yrs. get out now! do not feel for him cause he sure won't you. get an order of protection against him and leave. if he calls you or comes around put him in jail. until he seeks some help and really wants it nothing is going to change. it is only going to get worse. and when you do decide to leave him and he knows it's for good. have someone with you when you go cause he is going to get really angry cause he has last the control. and that my dear is going to set him off. he will end up being someone you never knew. good luck and stay safe.

Answer 7

Block his number so you can not receive anymore of his calls on your mobile. Get a restraining order so he can not call your work. Avoid this person at all cost. He wants to drag you down with him. Put him out of your mind. If need be move away.

Answer 8

Put a restraining order out on him, and maintain military silence. A boyfriend nor a friend wouldn't treat you the way he has. For your own safety, sanity, and health, you should avoid him at all costs.

Answer 9

thats sounded like me before my girlfriend told me i was doing that to her except for all the drinking. i didnt know i was doing that to her until she told me . i believe that if you tell him he is treating you badly he will realize that he is doing that to you and he will stop but you got to help him and keep telling him when he does it. i no longer call her alot maybe once or twice a day and im working so hard on stoping making her feel bad. If you love him work on it with him.

Answer 10

Leave...go back to your parents or something or a friends house he never been to before. Stop picking up the phone and if you have to, call the police if he shows up on your door in anger. Dont be afraid to lock his @ss up! What he is doing is BS. DONT MAKE ANYMORE CONTACT WITH HIM!