I am a girl with good career.i am having average look and from a lower middle class family.I got engaged before 8 months.He told me at the first meet that you are physically not perfect match for me and i need to improve my self.After 4 months he told me that he is feeling his decision was wrong as i could not change my personality as per his dream person. I had tried and I am trying to be his dream person because i love him. But now i think his patience have been finished. And his behaviour have become bit rude toward me. he is a kind of tensed person and dont want to make our parents and me hurted by breaking the relationship. So he is ready to marry me just because others even though he dont love me.Due to this tension,i am loosing my career and my happieness. he is very good human in nature. i dont want to hurt him also. But i cant see him in tenstion always. how can i trust him that i will change and how can i make our lifes happier?Should i marry him?i want to do justice 2 both.
2007-01-29 02:43:56 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
No. You should NOT marry him. You should never try to change who you are inside for someone else. You can try to change for yourself only. You cannot change your personality. That is who you are! You said yourself you are not happy. You are losing yourself. You are losing your identity when you change for someone else. Never change for someone. Never let someone try to change you. That is a big warning flag to run the other way when someone tries to change you in any way. If they don't accept you, they are not for you.
There will be someone out there who will love you for who you are, physically and emotionally, no matter what. Do not marry someone you do not love. That would be a lifetime of unhappiness. Honestly, there is someone out there for you that you never dreamed of. Sometimes, we have to go through ones like these to appreciate the one that is truly the one sent to us from heaven above.
Don't hang on to this guy because you think there may not be someone else. There is. You have to let go of this guy in order to let the next guy come into the picture. You will be happy again. Have faith. Hugs to you. Prayers are for your strength and your courage during this time.
2007-01-29 02:53:28 · answer #1 · answered by Stephanie F 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound very unhappy and that is no way to start a marriage. Marriage is a life long commitment between 2 people who love and accept each other just as they are. If he has made you feel that you are not good enough for him, please don't get married. Your family will understand and I don't think they would want you to be in an unhappy relationship. All you talked about was how you are trying to change to please him....what is he doing for you? I would really hope that you think enough of yourself to realize that you deserve happiness too. I wish you the best. Think about this and don't set yourself up for failure by marrying someone who doesn't make you happy or treat you right.
2007-01-29 02:55:30 · answer #2 · answered by vanhammer 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to be happy before the marriage. Getting married is not going to change your relationship from bad to good. Obviously he is having issues about this also. If he does not love you, the marriage will never be happy.
This sounds like an arranged marriage, hopefully everything will turn out for the best. Concentrate on your happiness. I have one friend who is from Pakistan. She was married two years ago, in an arranged marriage set up by her parents. Needless to say, she was never happy with the situation and the marriage failed. I do not think they got divorced, but they do not live together anymore. The marriage got him into America, which was all he wanted. They will probably not file for divorce until one of them gets married again.
2007-01-29 02:50:43 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Run for your life! Are you KIDDING???!!! Read over your question, pretend someone is asking it of you, and don't even think about marrying this guy unless you really want to be miserable the rest of your life. If you do any changing, do it for you and be happy. Go find a man that isn't a creep. I know the families may be disappointed, but you are the one living your life, so don't let that be too big of a factor in your decision. Do what is best for you and walk away from this engagement as fast as you can. Best of luck.
2007-01-29 02:49:19 · answer #4 · answered by whereRyou? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you want to have a happy marriage then you need honesty and to able to feel comfortable around each other when you are at your worst. If he does not think anything about you is "good enough" then you are building yourself up for a bigger heartache, and possible divorce if you do ahead with marriage. You are the person you are, if is not fair on you to have to try and change yourself. Please be yourself, and see how you deserve more happiness than this. I think in your case you would be better off putting your focus back onto your work, and letting him find his "perfect woman".
All the best.
2007-01-29 02:54:26 · answer #5 · answered by iccleanne 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it doesn't end now, it's going to end later. He shouldn't love you for who he wants to make you be, he should love you for who you are. The things you have said that he has said to you should be a major indication that this isn't going to be a good marriage for you to be in both from an emotional standpoint and a physical standpoint.
I'm sure you don't want to spend the rest of your life trying to become something you will never be. This man has an idea in his head that no one will ever measure up to.
It is unfair for anyone to ask this of you, especially a man you are supposed to marry.
This should be about you and don't worry about your parents or him, because even if you two were to marry, a man like this, when things don't happen the way they want them to, will go looking for the thing he wants when what he has just isn't cutting it anymore.
Do yourself a favor and don't marry this guy. Please!
2007-01-29 02:51:42 · answer #6 · answered by babybunny729 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why do you feel that you aren't good enough to be with a man who loves, respects and cherishes you. Every human being deserves to be loved for who they are, to be seen for the beauty that is within them, it's not always external you know. He sounds like he wants to make you feel bad about yourself and you shouldn't buy into his insecurity. Do you think that someone who loves you would treat you like this.
You need to love and respect yourself before anyone else can, if you marry this clown you will be miserable for the rest of your life and so will he. He sounds very mean and insecure. If he doesn't love you then move on so you can find someone who does and believe me, he's out there while you are wasting your time with this idiot. He isn't a good natured human, someone who is good would not make someone, especially their future wife feel bad about herself. You deserve to be happy, I don't know what you look life but that doesn't matter. A man should marry you for who you are, the perfect within the imperfect, the diamond in the rough.
Your soul, your humanity is beautiful, you can't change who you are and shouldn't. Let him go, get some counseling so you can start to love yourself and feel good about who you are. You deserve a happy life and someone who will love you unconditionally. Don't put up with this one minute longer. Move on, it's going to be hard but anyone who truly loves you will understand and want what is best and he isn't it.
2007-01-29 03:06:38 · answer #7 · answered by marianlaughs 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe he isn't the one for you, there maybe someone else out there. look at the way he has treated you, all other signs, telling you to change to be his "dream girl" your better off being you, then trying to be someone your not (someone he wants you to be). There are more fish in the sea. An engagement isn't permanent and neither is a marrige.
But i think that if either of you broke it off, you 2 should be better off, even tho you two will always care for eachother cuz you both once had something.
p.s. there shouldn't be only love that exists in a marrige. There is more to it than that. You have to learn to love and respect and be eachothers compainions through life.
im not being mean im giving the honest truth, and answer.
2007-01-29 02:50:52 · answer #8 · answered by ♥mcmanda♥ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would/ could not marry a man I was not 100% happy and in love with! Marriage is a wonderful commitment 2 people make together with the knowledge and hopefulness of forever! If you don't have it then NO! You would be undermining your own happiness along with the man you are speaking of, REMEMBER,
you only have one chance at life, at every single day that goes by, you cannot get that back...LIVE it happily and LIVE it proudly!!
Good luck to you and this man!
2007-01-29 02:53:40 · answer #9 · answered by krisreichwein 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, please, please leave him. If he wants you to become his dream person, that is a very wrong thing to expect another person to do and you shouldn't be trying to become some one you're not. You deserve much better than this.
Walk away now and people will understand and you will be able to build a happy life for yourself. If you marry it will only break down and you and many others will be miserable.
Please put yourself first and do what's right for you. You are not second best, there is someone out there who loves you just for being you.
2007-01-29 02:48:53 · answer #10 · answered by Velouria 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋