Is it right for parents or mentors to shade the truth or lie about their past when disciplining?

Question

Is it right for parents or mentors to shade the truth or lie about their past when disciplining
or instructing children about the dangers of drugs & sex?

Answer 1

Yes, it is. I don't advocate lying, but my children do not have the right to know certain things about my past. While I didn't do drugs, my children do not have the right to know about all my past relationships, especially as children who are too young to appreciate the information they would receive. We are not friends, this is not Dr. Phil or a round-robin support group. It isn't about fair; it is about imparting to them the information they need. They don't need to know about stepmommy and her first failed relationship at this age.

Answer 2

I think it depends on the age of the child and on the childs' personality and maturity. Honesty is good, it lets kids know that you are human and that you can relate to their life a little bit, but too much can be harmful. I think it is safe to say "I tried drugs when I was younger, but didn't like them", (followed by the risks and dangers, and maybe a negative story) but I don't think I would say "I did drugs for 3 years in college, it was a blast!" Same with sex..."I lost my virginity when I was 16, but wish I had waited" would be okay...but not "I lost my virginity at 16 and slept with the football team", might be a little dangerous.

Answer 3

Yes and No. My mom did coke and all sorts of drugs back then in her 20's in Spain. My dad never did anything except pam I think. She told me this and I was frightened, I didn't want to do drugs, because she told me about the horrible things she went through. I tried to be more like my Dad. My Grandmother died of Lung cancer from smoking. I will never smoke. When someone makes a mistake, we hope to learn from that mistake. About the yes part, let's minor some of the details. I was in D.A.R.E from elementary school to high school, and they scared me straight! I was afraid to drink at my wedding. So be reasonable about the information you give. Take care- Katrina

Answer 4

It depends on the age of the child. A six year old doesn't need to know the gory details. A sixteen year old might benefit from hearing how you knocked yourself senseless and spent six hours in the ER getting a hundred stitches to fix the cuts you got by walking into a glass door when you were stoned.

Answer 5

well, there is a positive and negative side to everything. one one hand, you could hide your own past and tell them the dangers, hoping that they take your word for it. one the other hand, you can explain to them that you know first hand the danger of these things and hope they take the attitude that since you tried it and it was bad that maybe they shouldn't.

Answer 6

No its better to tell the truth especially if the child might find out you lied. Better to use your past to teach why you do so understand when they tell you things.

Answer 7

well it can be right or wrong see if a parent told the kid that they did do it then the child would think they were hypricates if they got on to them for doing it but if they say they never did it i can drive the kids farther away cas kids like to be able for there parents to be able to relate to them with expiriance

Answer 8

No. I was no angel when I was young and I make sure that my daughter knows that. I show her how I have had to struggle in the past to improve our situation in life and explain to her that she needs to learn from my mistakes.

Answer 9

Yes! Back then, many of us were just stupid or did not know any better. With age usually comes wisdom.