I have a daughter aged 16 months, i have not been with her father since i was 3 months pregnant as he was violent and i didnt want to bring my daughter into a violent relationship.
Throughout my pregnancy i got nothing but violence and grief from him, even him threatening to kill my baby because he didnt think it was his (i was 8 months). (and she is his 100%)
However i have allowed him to have contact with my daughter for her sake, at first he had to see her with me there, but as she is older he now takes her out for the day.
Hes now wanting her over night but i have told him no as she is not sleeping through the night i dont want to disrupt her routine, and make it worse, he is calling me a bad mother as she does not sleep through, is what he says true or is he just being a bully again to get his own way?
2007-01-29 02:03:50 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
You are not a bad mother and dont ever think that you doing whats best for you child. my friends child never slept through the night til he was about 4 years old. so your not a bad mother because your child doesnt sleep through the night and i admire you for letting you child see her father after what happened to you. you are very brave person and your doing the best you can dont let him make you feel that your a bad mother
2007-01-29 07:40:46 · answer #1 · answered by sweetness_1984uk 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he was that way while you were pregnant, who's to say he's changed that much in so little time. I would never let my child spend the night with someone who has a history of violence...father or not. What happens if he loses his temper? Even non-violent people get a little frustrated with their children and sometimes have to walk away for a few seconds. What do you think he'll do in that situation? Be calm? Also, routine is extremely important for a baby, especially at this age. My son is 18-months-old and we are all about routine. This is their period of learning. I agree with you. He can have his time with her during the day, but overnight...I wouldn't do it. Good luck!
2007-01-29 10:12:37 · answer #2 · answered by Mommy of Isaiah & Kenzie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't like to poke my nose in things like this but to be honest with you hon I would not let this man have my child overnight until she can sleep through the night. And I only say this because he has threatened to kill her before and who's to say that if she should start crying in the middle of the night and he can't get her to stop that he won't follow through with his threats?
It's one thing for him to have her all day but a completely different story to have her all night. So what if he thinks he can bully you into giving him the baby overnight? if you were a bad mother like he claims this baby would not have reached 16 months and beside you're not the one who wanted to kill her.
Keep things the way they are now until she's 2 or can at least sleep through the night and if he doesn't like it that's just too darn bad. It's better to have a bully pick on you than it is to give into him and have him hurt or even kill your child.
2007-01-29 12:23:49 · answer #3 · answered by angel h 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I really feel for you and your situation. It sounds like he is definitely trying to bully you and please don't give in. The best thing you could have done was remove you and your daughter from that situation - don't go back now. I recently left my abusive husband and it was a great decision - hard, but the best thing for me and my kids. Don't make excuses for him, he is an abuser and has not changed at all. (of course he will deny this) Obviously he knows nothing about parenting because whether your child is sleeping through the night or not is no indication of how good a mom you are. It sounds to me like you are a greta mom because you left an abusive situation to have a better life. Please just try and move away from him - physically and emotionally - and do not let him be alone with her until you feel 100% confident he can parent her like you can.
You can always call your local Health Unit for support or even a woman's shelter for support.
2007-01-29 10:16:39 · answer #4 · answered by catcrazy 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
don't listen to him, he's just wanting to make you feel bad. if you were a "bad mother", you wouldn't have taken your daughter out of the middle of a bad relationship. all babies are different in their development, and though it is unusual for a 16 month old to not yet be sleeping through the night, that doesn't mean you're a bad mother. a GOOD mother keeps her baby on a routine.
if you haven't already, you should get a lawyer and file some legal movements to protect your daughter, and get him to pay court ordered child support as well. from the sound of it, he's not above trying to take her away from you, and if he can make threats of killing her in utero, god knows what he's capable of whenever you're not around to protect her. if he's really wanting to be an active part in her life, then he needs to prove himself worthy. he needs to have an anger management class to do something about his violent behavior.
2007-01-29 10:42:36 · answer #5 · answered by LoriBeth 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry you had to go through that! but at the same time I admire you for leaving that abusive relationship.That alone shows me what a good mother you are!.Sleeping patterns in babies and children varies from one child to another.I have 2 girls and they both slept through the night for the first time at age 4.
It was hell for me! but I know that I did everything by the book and with lots of love.All those years my kids where in close contact with their pediatrician and he told me that some sleep disorders in children come from 2 sources, among others. First, people are different and need different amount of rest time (my husband sleeps very little and he is very active and alert!) and second, it is probably a matter of brain maturity that goes away with age.
It turned out to be true...when they where ready...they slept all night long. It has nothing to do with you being a bad mother. NOTHING!.You are protecting your child as any mother does!Don't let him intimidate you! and send your child to sleep the night over her dad's house when she is mature enough to understand what is proper behavior and what is not. I am sure you have a great relationship with her and as she will grow up she will tell you everything that goes on.You hang strong in there! Mother knows best! good luck!
2007-01-29 10:20:49 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Oh my, I am sorry you are going through this. Especially at a time when things are/were supposed to be special and peaceful for you.
Your daughters father will probably always find some way, some thing, some how to always, always give you a hard time, put you down and insult you. Please do not listen to him. Be strong and stay strong. A bad mother, you don't sound like it to me, you have this man in your life for the sake of your daughter, this is a very selfless act. More so because he is reaming abusive to you.
It is unbelievable, even at this point that he is still maintaining his meanness and hurtfulness toward you. You need to hold your head high and move forward knowing you are doing the best you can. I am angry reading what he is doing to you, anger is not the answer. Looks like your going to have to stick up for yourself and everything you want to see happen here. He Will probably always treat you like this so at some point your will just put your foot down to his treatment, or you'll have to find a way to escape his abuse once and for all.
Good luck to you and your sweet girl and as a very special older lady friend says to me, "You watch yourself."
2007-01-29 10:26:21 · answer #7 · answered by katy k 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I feel nervous for you. He is definatly bulling you and trying to make you fell like a bad mother but you sound very nice and logical. Kids have a hard time sleeping through the night for many reasons. It's not your fault.
If I were you, I might consider only letting your ex see his daughter with supervision cause you never know!!! It makes me nervous to hear that he is violent and see's her alone. I hope you make the right decisions about him!!! You know him better then me, just tell him NO you are her mother and her primary gardian what you say's goes!!!! and don't feel dad for it. She's YOUR daughter first!!!
BEST OF LUCK TO YOU!!!
2007-01-29 10:41:31 · answer #8 · answered by Mrs B 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's being a bully - kids start sleeping through the night at their own pace. My 4 year old still has trouble with it sometimes! Don't allow him the power of making you question your parenting, YOU know if your parenting is okay - follow your gut. I hope you have the courts involved in the visitations, it sounds like your ex could be a little unpredictable. Good luck.
2007-01-29 10:55:00 · answer #9 · answered by eurovac 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like somebody needs to have a sit down/get up/whoop a** session with this guy. I can tell you 2 things - 1) That baby needs to have a routine (sleeping, eating, and bonding with you) - 2) If he is still drinking and having a child hasn't made him change his ways - He won't.
Baby girl you need to think of you and yours. Tell him that he needs to get in a program and then you will start being more lenient with the baby.
A father does need to see his kids, don't get me wrong, but Fathers need to realize that it's NOT about them it's about whats best for the baby.
2007-01-29 10:23:02 · answer #10 · answered by Roy P 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋