How can I make the pain go away?

Question

I've just split up with my boyfriend after a 7 month relationship. He swept me off my feet to begin with, bought me an engagement ring, planned a future with me forever. He did, during our time together, blow hot and cold with me, one week he'd be loving and attentive, the next cold and distant. The last few weeks of him being cold I found too much to cope with (being very sensitive) and I have now ended our relationship. I think part of me hoped that by ending things he would come to his senses and return to the loving man he was. But I've heard nothing and I'm hearbroken. We're not kids (I'm 35 & he's 44) & even his closest friends have told me it's HIM and not me. I'm sure now he'll never come back to me but I love him so much I have a pain in my chest. I want it to go. How can I feel better?

Answer 1

I think the only way to feel better is to work through your feelings,,,especially since you really didn't have closure,,,and what I mean by that is you really didn't have a reason for his actions,,,you were confused and didn't understand him,,,and to me that is not real love,,,,,real love is an un-explainable understanding of two people,,,and he would never do anything to hurt you,,or make you sad or confused,,,and vice-versa,,,I think alot of times in life we tend to want something so very much that we tend to settle for what is in our faces then to continue the search,,,we jump into something that we know from the start is not quite what we hoped for but hope in time that things will change,,or they will come back,,,and really ,,,,AND SADLY WE NEVER REALLY HAD THEM,,,,they were never really ours,,,and ,,,we were just a stepping stone for them to find a way to deal with their insecurities and problems as a person,,,and after we are attatched and think we can't live without them,,,they let us go like we never even existed,,,sound familiar???? That is because they were never really their 100% to begin with,,,and the funny thing is that the other person in all reality,,was feeling the same exact thing but didn't have the heart to do what you did,,,and you did the right thing,,,,it was not meant to be,,,it is meant to be for you to have something better,,,and to have REAL LOVE,,,NOT,,,, ALMOST LOVE,,,and let me ask you this,,,,Would you rather spend 10-20 years of your life in a relationship that you don't trust and feel secure in,,,,then all of a sudden he leave you,,,or realize early on into the relationship,,,which you did,,,and you saw the signs,,,but hung on to the hope that he would change,,,and he did not,,,,but realize early on and walk away with your self pride, and dignity????


I personally think you did the right thing,,,and you will wake up one day and realize that ,,, hey,,, the wind is still blowing,,,and the sun is still shining,,,,I can walk,,,and see,,, and I am healthy,,,and I can begin to start my journey to finding that real love and soul mate,,,that someone on yahoo answers told me about,,,,,I am 35 years old and I have been in your shoes before,,,and I promise you that it will get easier,,,and look at it this way,,,,you were holding onto someone that wasn't quite sure what it was they wanted,,,and their is and was nothing you could have done to change that,,,,he will be un-happy until he finds what he is looking for,,,and ,,,deals with what it is that keeps him from being himself and letting someone in to love him,,,,don't blame yourself,,,and just know that someone up above has something better in store for you,,,


I wish you the best of luck and hope you find your self again,,,and true happiness,,,inside and out,,,,,



DAPHNE

Answer 2

I know it is hard and that pain is really horrible but you have to let him go, the relationship is still so young its been only seven month and although you have been swept off your feet and obviously really like this guy maybe he is not the right one for you, you seem to be much more sensitive than he is and in the long run you will continue to be hurt by him as he blows hot and cold with you, the right guy is out there for you but sadly we have to endure a lot of ups and downs before that special person comes along try and enjoy yourself and find other things to think about if he is the one for you he will be back and you will both have what you want until then go out and enjoy yourself.

Answer 3

I separated from my boyfriend of three years last week. I'm more numb than anything. like i've lost all sense of feeling. I have to admit i've done the same thing, left him when i thought it'd make him want me more (in the very very beginning) when all it really did was hurt us both. I don't doubt he thinks about you all the time, and while you can make all the scenarios up in your head, you'll never actually know how he feels. it sounds like he may be scared of a reationship full stop, i mean like you say you are not kids., so maybe he's been hurt deeply in the past and just when he feels like its all good, he bottles it, frightened you'll hurt him. Did you try and talk, try and ask why? At the end of the day you are not a mind reader and whilst he was covering up all these emotions he's obviously having, he was hurting you deeply. in all honesty he won't contact you, probably because maybe he's afraid, or living the self-fullfiling prophecy act he's been pulling on you.? Who knows? until you can try and understand all you can do is take each day as it comes. It gets easier, everyday is a new day.

Lots of hugs

Answer 4

Allow time to heal your wounds. It will take time to get over someone that you have been close with for some time. The heart ache is real and there is such a thing as a broken heart.
Know that what you feel is real but in time it will lessen .
You will heal and someone will find you and you will be happier in a non dysfunctional relationship. If he is mean now he will get worse as time goes on.
Perhaps there was an instinctual issue that transferred over to and you realized that it was not the best place for you to be
Happy that you were strong enough to say NO MORE.
You have a positive day and be thankful that you saved yourself from deeper heartache.
Be good to yourself and treat yourself to something special
You deserve it ... You have gone through too much already

Answer 5

AAWH Shame , i feel so sorry for you. I went through the same thing and it felt like my heart was breaking into pieces. Spend a few nights by yourself, cry as much as you like and on the say third day pick yourself up and do something like going shopping etc even if you do not feel like it. Just to get out. Contact one of your friends who is a good listener and talk to her, tell her all your fears and about your pain. Go home have another cry and let that be the last time. Try and pull yourself together and carry one with life even if it is bad. I wish you well from someone who has been there as well. I know it hurts but you will get over it, it just takes time.:))))))

Answer 6

Get over him?! Seems like you ended the relationship for good reason! I think that deep down you may still want to be together, but you have to realize that you found it in yourself to break it off ( as well you should have if he's being distant) which means you understand that you two are not meant to be togther! Relationships take work and you chose to abandon ship so to speak.. It will be really easy then to just move on. Go on dates, hang with friends, catch up on cleaning... just keep yourself busy! It's a distraction, but eventually you will miss him enough to try again, or you'll truly feel that you, in fact, can live without him!

Answer 7

An old cliche but time is a great healer.

I was in an awful marriage for ten years, only stayed for the kids, but when I finally left my wife I had this horrible feeling of failure, loneliness and pain. It does get better.

In the cold light of day you'll realise that life is too short and that this really is the best thing all around. To finish with someone in the hope that they'll mend their ways is perhaps wishful thinking, we are what we are, nothing will change that.

Spend some time with your real friends and you'll meet someone else in time, someone better who really wants you for who you are and someone who doesn't put on an act.

Honestly, its probably for the best and this time next year it will seem like a distant memory.

Good luck!

Answer 8

OWHHHH I hope u are o.k well if u wanna forget it just carry on with what you are doing and try and enjoy life cause life is short so make the best of it....And I am sure u are a wonderfull person.Yes 7 months is really long but don't worry u can find someone else.Get a nice massage or go for a swim..Or u can also ask him and tel him your problems and tell him how much u care for him maybe that will help??but watch tv that rocks!!!U can slowly forget it.But try and get back to him if he is a nice guy.But remember God Bless and u are still very young so don't worry toooo much God is there for you.Well God Bless

Answer 9

you should thank your stars. ralizing the truth before you made the vows. Any way everyone has a past and in that past there is somehting to hide. I bet you also have a secret that no one knows. That is beside the point though. You have to find this guy and talk, a serious and open talk this time. Then you can decide whether you can swallow your pride and love him or he needs to get the walk on. After all you are still young and you will definately fidn another guy. Just remember soul mates son't come so often.

Answer 10

It's going to take time to get over the hurt. Keep your self occupied. Go hang out with friends & family. Also, keep a diary ( worked for me). It lets you spill out all your feelings & enables you to cry and let the hurt out. I also found that exercise helps in the healing process. It energised me while making me feel good about my self at a time when it's hard to be self confident. Break ups are times for testing out new things. New hobbies that you can continue even after the heartache has passed.
I'm sorry i can't be of more help. All this worked for me & i hope i've been some help to you too.
good luck