Are parents getting more competitive with their kids' parties?

Question

There's been a lot of publicity recently in the UK about how parents are spending more and more on their children's parties, and are having to keep up with the Joneses by laying on more extravagant events and supplying more expensive goody bags. Do you think this is true, and if so what's the cause of it, do kids really want lavish parties or is this just the parents trying to outdo each other, how much do parties cost you, how does it affect you and the parties you organise, and is there any way (or wish) to return to good old-fashioned parties that don't cost too much?

Answer 1

Actually they shouldn't have the damn parties. take them out and do something as a family. If they don't want that fine. but being competitive about it is ridiculous, vulgar, and capitalist.

Answer 2

It seems so. I was amazed. For my kids when they where in pre-K there were a handful of kids invited to the parties. When the oldest went to Kindergarten... EVERYONE in the class was invited. That's like 20 kids! Watching the kids open presents was funny... half the guests gave up due to boredom and went to play in the bounce house. It only took the birthday child 30-45 minutes to open all the gifts.

My kids have opted the last year or so to go to an indoor waterpark for the day... just the family. My almost 5 year old says she wants to do that again this year. She knows she won't have a party with a bunch of friends if we do that, just a small one with family.

The thing that bugs me the most, is when my kids are invited to a party by a supposed pillar of the community (rich, everyone but me seems to be impressed by this family) and there isn't even a thank you card sent. I so badly want to mention that her thank you note must have gotten lost in the mail, because I KNOW that she would NEVER neglect to send thank you cards.

Answer 3

Yes, it is pretty bad. When I grew up, we only had a party every few years. The other years, it was just the immediate family, those living under the same roof. Not today. As someone else said, my 3 year-old has been to more birthday parties than I have my entirel life. SHE'S ONLY THREE!!

Someone also mentioned getting to kindergarten and inviting the entire class. A friend of mine told me her son's school REQUIRES you to invite EACH classmate if you have a party and plan to invite anyone from the school; it's all or nothing. They won't allow any kids to be left out. It's terrible. (I've wondered what they would do if they found out you had a party and only invided one or two from the class...)

I really think the main cause is insecure parents. In my experience, the most extravagant kid's birthday parties we have attended in the past 10 years, have involved the most insecure mom in our cirlce. She has two kids, so we get hit twice a year with her parties. She is the most concerned about what people think of her out of all the people I know.

When my daughter was about to turn 1, my boss mentioned an old custom that made perfect sense and has stuck with me. The number of kids to invite should be the same number as the age the child is turning. It's perfect, especially at the younger ages like my daughter. A one year-old doesn't even comprehend there is a party going on.

As for getting back to the old-fashioned parties, just make the choice and dare to be different. When people ask, simply say, "We are just going to keep it low-key this year with just our household." This WILL work on family, too. (My husband comes from a large family-oriented culture where even distant cousins EXPECT there will be a party, and they are invited. Very different from the culture I grew up in.) Just put your foot down and stand firm to your decision. Don't let people bully you around. We are forced to do this because we simply can't afford to do the large parties.

For my daughter's 1st birthday, we had only local family at the house for cake (from the grocery store), and burgers on the grill. The 2nd birthday, we had the same family and invited one friend from our birthing class. Burgers on the grill again with cake from the grocery store. For the 3rd birthday, we invited two friends of hers with their families to meet out for pizza, stating that we would cover dessert. (We didn't even have the local family at this one!) It was perfect. I called the pizza place ahead of time and told them we were coming for a 3rd birthday, and they sat us in a back corner. Brilliant in this case. The three girls ran circles around the table having a blast, and we didn't disturb a soul back in the corner. The restaurant was kind enough to even hold the cake we brought in (again, from the grocery store) until after we ate our pizza.

Answer 4

If a 6 year olds birthday party involves more than cake, balloons, and pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey... the party is ALL about the parents. Kids don't care what you put in front of them... most are happier with the boxes and paper than with the actual gifts.

I think parents today have forgotten that they are supposed to be parents. They are too busy trying to be their kids friends and outdoing all the other parents.

Answer 5

It is out of control here in NYC too. People are spending big $$ on crazy parties beginning as young as two. I have just started hearing about groups of moms banding together by agreeing never to begin the cycle among friends to help control the madness!

Answer 6

man, when i went to parties, it was pin the tail in the donkey, a pinata and some cake and ice cream. an hour or so! what has happened!!!!!!!!!

Answer 7

Yes, it's ludicrous. It makes you wonder who is more juvenile, the children or the parents.

Answer 8

It seems that way. My niece has been to more parties and had more parties in one year.(13yo). Then I had my entire life. (56yo).