sister, who is 28 and doesn't really like me - we think-or she's slightly upset that we're getting married as she's not married or in a relationship yet, to be our bridesmaid? If not a bridesmaid, something to do with co-ordinating but as her job during the week and at church is all to do with co-ordinating & organising, I think she'd probably feel more comfortable relaxing and not doing the same thing at her brothers wedding as she does at work!
It's really hard as she's always been slightly iffy with me/us and I just want a great relationship with my new sister-in-law! It's really hurtful for my boyfriend and I think it would mean a lot to him if she agreed. But how do I put it without her being offended?? It's either the co-ordinating thing or the bridesmaid thing... the other thing is that she'd probably have to pay for her own bridesmaid dress as I can't afford to pay for it as paying for my two little sisters (16 & 13) dresses...
Anyone been in this situation?!
2007-01-28 23:03:42 · 19 answers · asked by Bridezilla 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
well think of it this way.she is probably feeling left out of the whole thing.think of it this way.when you ask her to be your brides maid she might actually feel welcomed into the group and she will probably realize that you too want to be a part of her family.there is nothing wrong in asking her and if she in return is going to feel bad about it then she probably is suffering from severe inferiority complex.so just don't worry about the reaction as long as you have asked the rest is up to her to decide and if she really loves her brother she will say yes at least for his sake.
2007-01-28 23:39:21 · answer #1 · answered by sweet is my code name 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
families and weddings, it is always tricky trying to please everyone, does your boyfriend have any ideas why she is being like this with you? has he asked her?
your explanation above seems really honest, why not both have a meal or coffee with her, this may clear the air, and give you an opportunity to chat, give her the choice perhaps, tell her what you have said above (without the 'you seem abit off with me' part!)
hopefully she would appreciate that you value her work skills but don't want to assume she would do this, but give her the option of bridesmaid as well, for the reason you mentioned above.
She may even want to do both! and co ordinating the wedding with you may even help build a few bridges,
I hope you get things sorted out and have a lovely wedding, and remember, although you need to take other peoples feelings and requests into account, it is your day, sometimes you can not please everyone, its YOUR wedding, encourage her to be involved one way or another, but if she has a real problem with you then just before the wedding is probably not the time to explore it!
2007-01-29 07:47:00 · answer #2 · answered by ladylucy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You and your boyfriend (?) assume a bit too much
1,you assume she "doesn't really like me"
2,you assume because as she is a "co-ordinating & organising," at work she would rather as you say "she'd probably feel more comfortable relaxing and not doing the same thing at her brothers wedding as she does at work!"
3, you assume that she would be upset if she had to pay for her own dress...........
like you and your boyfrind have allready cut her out of all your planns and organisied all this with out asking her advise about any thing NO WONDER SHE IS BEHAVING AS SHE IS try asking her advise and oppions,,,, and tell her how much you bouth love and recept her and would value her advice....I hope you have a realy nice day and everything gose well ,,,keep in touch and let us know how you get on.. love
2007-01-29 07:35:41 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree with the essence of what others have said. I am pretty sure she will not be offended, and prolly honoured. Maybe she thinks you don't care much for her.
I would ask her this way: Together you and your man let her know you want her to be a part of your lives, and would value any help she might want to offer in your wedding, mentioning bride's maid, etc.
Ultimately, I would also reserve at least some money to help her pay for the bride's maid's dress. You might explain that you can't afford to pay for it all, but have (say twenty or thirty, or whatever) to put toward it.
I wish you well, in your lives together, and in your relationship with your soon to be sister in law!
--That Cheeky Lad
2007-01-29 10:50:18 · answer #4 · answered by Charles-CeeJay_UK_ USA/CheekyLad 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Make a fuss of her when you ask her. Tell her that it would mean a lot to you. Explain that you haven't asked her to organise things because of her day job but that you would apprecoiate her input if she wanted to give it. Offer her the choice and leave the bit about paying for the dress out of the initial conversation.
Have a great wedding and married life.
2007-01-29 07:15:55 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Firstly, personally I think its outrageous to ask people to pay for bridesmaid dresses. If you can't afford the dress don't ask. If you do, you just put her in a position where she may feel obliged to accept (and be secretly resentful at having to buy a useless bridesmaid dress). With regards to co-ordinating, why the hell should she. Its your wedding - organise it yourself - especially as you think she may be wishing it were her getting married.
I think the best thing to do is invite your sister-in-law to the wedding as a guest and leave it at that.
2007-01-29 08:25:32 · answer #6 · answered by LillyB 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Is she older or younger than you though? She could think you are patronising or something? My boyfriends sisters don't like me much, but there is a fifteen year difference and they probably think I'm too young for their little brother (there isn't a fifteen year old difference between me and him, that would be wrong, it's between me and his oldest sister!) but I'm only eighteen so I can see their point...
Anyway I went off the point then, ask your fiance to talk to her on his own and see what she'd like to do. She'd like to organise stuff because it'd be more personal then work? Ask her, find it out. But if your guy has any more siblings then you'd have to ask them too don't forget!
2007-01-29 19:48:15 · answer #7 · answered by floppity 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would probably ask my boyfriend to talk to her first and sort of get her ready for you to ask her. He could approach her by talking openly with her about her doubts or feelings about your relationship and try to make her more at ease. Then tell her that you both want her to be a special part of your special day and give her the option of bridesmaid, coordinating or whatever she thinks might be the best role for her. Then you could approach her with a more clear cut idea of how to handle her and what to expect.
2007-01-29 07:14:13 · answer #8 · answered by tbaybucsgirl 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't. Either she hates you or she's jealous of you for getting married. In either case, she's going to create more drama than you want for your wedding. I would ask her advice about some part of planning the wedding and see if she's receptive to that first. If she offers her services, then you can decide. Otherwise, leave well enough alone.
2007-01-29 11:31:16 · answer #9 · answered by snorkweezl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would just tell her you and your fiance were wondering if she was interested in being a bridesmaid or if she would rather coordinate the wedding and stuff. Most of the time people buy their own dress if theyre bridesmaids. good luck and congrats
2007-01-29 10:02:18 · answer #10 · answered by Dez 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋