I am totally in love and ready to ask, but I also really need to have a prenuptial. How much should I share before popping the question? She might have an issue which is why I am concerned and want to fully respect her.
2007-01-28 19:10:46 · 32 answers · asked by Dave S 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
If I were you i would ask her about the prenup once you start talking about the wedding. I think it would kind of be putting the cart before the horse to talk about it before then. Plus, if you start talking about prenups and other marriage stuff your going to let her know that your thinking about asking her to marry you & as a woman I feel safe saying that we like to be surprised.
As I said once you start talking about the wedding planning I would bring up the prenup in a very resectful way. Dont try and insult her intellegence by blaming the need for it on other ppl. If you a responsible for other ppls assets *family members inheritence etc* state it simply and also inform her of how it would benefit her.
My fiance and i are drawing up a prenup that protects both of us. In the event we divorce before I finish school he will have to help me financaily until I finish and we will have a set agreement on things like dividing assets, child custody etc.
We really view it as an insurance policy. You dont buy home insurance thinking your house will burn down. You buy it so that you have something other than ashes when all is said and done.
Good luck.....BTW, a nice tennis bracelet may help soften her up before you bring up the prenup! LOL
2007-02-05 18:44:58 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Before becoming engaged, bring up the idea of a prenup in conversation some how! Mention that you think it is a good idea, and maybe you will be able to see where she stands on it without getting into a major debate! You will then know where you stand on the matter. If she is against it, then you can leave it alone for a while to collect your thoughts and then come back and discuss it further!
Make sure she knows that it is an important matter to you and it in no way implies that you don't feel the mairrage will last! The thought of a prenup can make your partner upset because they may feel you want one because you don't feel the mairrage will last. If you did feel it would last, then you wouldn't bring it up! The easiest way to deal with it, is think of something that she may want mentioned in the prenup, and then you can explain it that way, like wouldn't you want to be guaranteed to get --- if we split! My husband and I agreed that one was necessarry because we both had something we weren't willing to loose if a divorce ever came our way! At first, when he brought it up, it kind of upset me, but after I realized that I wanted to protect myself as well, I wanted one more than him!
Good luck and make sure the two of you can come to an agreement before becoming engaged. Let's face it, you would hate to spend that much on a ring and then split up over the mention of a prenup!
2007-01-28 20:53:30 · answer #2 · answered by jen 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes....get it out of the way before asking her the " big question". You can feel her out by asking a general question about prenuptials, or just be direct and tell her" I love you, I want to marry you, but I will need a pre nup." If she goes off on that, it will save you the cost of a ring. So ask sooner rather than later.
2007-01-28 19:21:33 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Pre-nups are intended for individuals who bring much in the way of assets (property, investments, etc.) into a relationship -- personally, I think pre-nups are just as important for women as they are for men. A reasonable person will not want any part of the assets you earned / acquired before your formal engagement. To suggest that a pre-nup is assume eventual divorce is rubbish -- think of it as insurance. (You're going to buy home insurance, medical insurance, car insurance, life insurance -- why not an additional form?) Personally, I think marriage contracts and pre-nups should be routinely re-negotiated -- to analogize, some people take out 30 yr fixed mortgages on homes, others have shorter timelines and go for 3 or 5 yr fixed rates, letting rates adjust from there. Marriage is essentially a legal document / contract, and one can make it as romantic or pragmatic as necessary to achieve a certain comfort level.
2007-02-05 15:05:18 · answer #4 · answered by tjacobmill 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Make sure the prenuptial agreement is something you can both agree on. If you will be supporting her in the marriage, remember she will need some money to get back on her feet if you two divorce. Other than simple stuff you will need to work out together, she will likely be willing to sign one if she actually loves you.
2007-01-28 19:58:26 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A prenuptial? Sorry, I can't relate. If I trusted someone enough to marry them, why would I need that? Think you need to think this thru some more...and if I were her, I'd have an issue alright...the prenuptial at all!
2007-02-02 21:30:02 · answer #6 · answered by samantha 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you bring up the prenup, you are totally going to ruin it. You should ask her first and then bring it up, although not on the same day. If you two really know each other as well as you need to in order to get married, then she should already have some kind of idea that you are going to want a prenup.
HOWEVER, signing a prenup states that you are expecting the marriage to fail. So, if you don't see yourself being with her forever, maybe you should not marry her at all.
2007-01-28 19:14:43 · answer #7 · answered by bashnick 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Before my fiance proposed, we talked about the type of weddings we both wanted and the type of rings. We discussed many, many marriage related issues and weren't even engaged. I would highly recommend that you bring up the prenup idea. You don't have to go into the fact that you want one, but do see how she feels about prenups. And why do you HAVE to have a prenuptual agreement? I have no problem with it myself.
2007-01-28 19:52:41 · answer #8 · answered by kalea_kane 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In this day and age it is not unusual to ask for a pre-nup so ask her how she feels about it and put a time limit on it for say 5-7 years and ask her if she would sign it. Chances are if you put a number of years on the pre-nup she will not be so intimidated by it. Take care Heather
2007-02-05 12:30:24 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you are bringing considerably more in finances to the marriage than she is, then you absolutley need a prenup. If the marriage doesn't work out (many don't) you will end up supporting her while she runs off with another man. (probably with her nose in the air at you)
Think with your head, not your heart. You've worked hard for what you have and it shouldn't go to her just because a marriage doesn't work out
Gina's answer is silly, and it's typical nonsense from people who see the world through rosy colored sunglasses
If she loves you, she'll understand. Dont fall prey to a golddigger
2007-01-28 19:15:52 · answer #10 · answered by lefty 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋