My sister-in-law is borderline personality and?

Question

has disassociative identity disorder. My boyfriend is bipolar and hypomanic or manic about 10 months out of the year. I have a daughter I need to take care of along with my boyfriend. Here is my problem. My sister-in-law has attached herself to me and she is very high maintenance because of the personality disorders. I have tried to get her to detach from me somewhat nicely. It didn't work. My plate is already full because of the boyfriend and our daughter. I cannot handle her also on a daily basis. I think my head is ready to explode from all of the stress. My family says I have to be nice to her and just keep doing what she wants or my brother will get mad. I tried to talk to my brother but he gets mad and says I am trying to hurt her etc.. This sister-in-law also does vengeful things when I tell her no. She tells family members nasty lies about me and I keep getting in trouble for things I never said or did. So, what do I do? Am I being mean?

Answer 1

well your sister in law can not have both, either she is borderline or she is mpd, now the mpd, could be bring out the teens, and pre teens in her, and that may be the ones that are always trying to keep you in trouble. And whatever she has there is help for both of those disorders, the DID can be curled, and i believe the borderline can be too. She should be in threpary learning how to control the people within her, and to have a set of rules that they need to go by. no they do not always go by them, but most of them will. If she has some that are dangerous they need to be locked up within her system, til a therapist that knows what they are doing can help them. There are rules, and she needs to be seeing a therapist for that, so that they can get those rules laid out, and in place, and all of this getting you into trouble all the time should stop. Now your brother, should know what it is like to be married to many people within, so he should have some idea the problems they could cause if they want too. I will tell you this they need to be respected, casue when she could not deal with what was happening to her, they were created, and then they took what she could not. But they do over time get so they have gotten their role in her life confused and sometimes may think they are helping her by keepin you in trouble instead of her. You know to be DID you must split between the ages of birth and 6 years old. You can not become a did after that, you have to slipt between those ages, but if you did slipt between those ages, then you can still create more alters if you need them. No matter what she should be in treatment for that, and learn how to deal with the people within. Now it does not always work, once in a while someone wants to come out, and show that they can take over, or someone don't even know that they are part of the body. So they are not going to listen to you or anyone, they have to be convince. Now i don't see how this is your problem to try to deal with that, and deal with your bf, and daughter. Your brother, or her parents should be trying to get her help, and some good one too. If she is not DID from cult causes then she can be intergrated within a few as 5 years, maybe even less, but if she is cult related then it will take a lot longer. Now for your boyfriend he should not have the high highs or low lows, unless he is not takeing his medication daily as he was told to. If he takes it has he is surpose to then he can live a normal life like anyone else without haveing the manic attacks. Now 10 months out of a years sounds pretty fishy to me, so i would have to say he needs to go and see his doctor, and get the med adjusted, or he is not taking them as he is suppose to be taking them. You really need to find that out too. I hope your daughter does not have any of this, that you are talking about just trying to raise her up as good as you can do with these two people around you all the time. You are not being mean, ok, they need to do and take care of themselfes, and take their meds, and go and get therapy for their disorders. DID really does not have any med's to keep it under control, they need to learn that from therapy. So the next time your brother tries to tell you you are being mean, just give him the facts. And ask why he is not taking care of his wifes needs as he should be doing . You see i have DID and i don't even cause that kind of trouble, so i would really like to know who said she had that, and who said she had borderline . And what they saw to back it up. I live along, i have raised my childeren without them knowing , and have my grandchildern around. Yes i went for treatment, but i could not stay long enough to get intergrated or even partly intergrated. But we have our rules, and they go by them, unless there is someone that wants to proof they can take over. Then we end up in lock up til someone that is not acting bad comes out, and then come home. So you see, she does not have to be high maintenace, and she can live on her own too. So please take care of yourself, and do what you have to for you and your daughter. And have the other two get help, cause he should be taking his med's and he would not be manic 10 months out of the year, and you let him know that too, Talk to a doctor they will tell you the same thing. I hope things get better for you, cause right now you are overwhemled when you need not to be, and others should not be blaming you for the needs that the other people need to have. They have people that should be taking care of their needs, actually i went and got the treatment on my own, cause i wanted to. So God bless you and your loved ones and i hope things get a lot better for you really soon. take care of yourself please.

Answer 2

I can empathize with you totally . I am 99% sure that my sister has personality disorder but she or her husband will not address the situation. Being that she is brilliant her actions and her motive have a sense of rational to it so most people don't pick up on the lies and destructive behavior she does. After many years and almost complete deterioration to my own mental health (I was very suicidal because of her actions) I had to cut her out of my life. This also meant that I had to cut my mother out of my life too - because my sister would tell lies about me (like I was trying to have an affair with my mother's new husband) and my mother would believe her and of course the ugliness would esclate. to save my own marriage and to be able to take care of my children I have not talked with my mother or sister in over 2 1/2 years. I can say that finally i have been able to be a real mother to my kids and to focus on my own marriage which has been great.
I let the kids visit my mother but they always come back distressed because my sister is feeding her distortions and my mother talks with the kids about it. So the kids too don't won't to go.
Your sister in law is is not your first priorty - It is very painful not to help your brother but at some point to you have to accept that it is the responibility of your brother to take care of his wife.
save yourself and your daughter sanity.

Answer 3

I agree with Sara. Get free of this before it turns into something much worse. There is also the matter of your own sanity! You need to do what is right for you and you are being drained by all of this. She will never get enough from you, but you are a giving caretaker and she knows that. She will suck you dry if you let her. If your brother is too dense to see what is going on then that is his problem. Put the care of his wife back on his plate.

Answer 4

Sounds like you should pick and move with your daughter and don't tell these maniacs where your new address is. And if you see them in public just don't give info to them. If you let your family know where you live make sure you tell your brother that if he brings that crazy woman to your house or she shows up, you will call the police.

Ask your daughter what she feels about the situations of her father and Aunt.

Answer 5

Look out for you and your family. You are done playing nice because you have a life of your own.
Tell your family very frankly that she does not treat you nice and you are done worrying about whether your brother is going to get mad.
Cut them off until they are ready to treat you respectfully. If they are there for family holidays, then make your own traditions with your own family.
Life is too short to spend with people who treat you bad. If your family believes her lies, that gives you even more reason to enjoy time with your own family.

BTW, their disorders are no excuse to treat people like trash. I am bipolar and have DID and I take full responsibility for my actions. They can too.

Answer 6

this is a dangeous situation for you most borderline personalitys are also scytophrenic. i know i spelled that wrong but my dad has that problem. eventual anything you do will not be enough for this type of person.she needs to be in the care of a doctor and also on medication. if the family is not willing to help you out on this situation i am sorry to say but for your safety and sanity then you should not have to much to do with them. i am not sure how old she is but in her 30's she can change drasticly due to hormones please see if you have any other option to tending to her every need its not healthy for you!