My eight year old daughter cries at bedtime. Help!!! Please!!!?

Question

My daughter, who is almost 8, cries every night at bedtime. She says it is because she is afraid. I have tried everything. She has two night lights, and I leave on the hall light. I even moved my bed into the room right next to hers, and leave both our doors open.

The only way she doesn't cry is if she sleeps with me, or knows that I am in my room all night.

Some background: We moved into this new apt. back in July. She always slept with me before. But, now my fiancee' lives with us...so that would be very crowded. She really has gone through several changes this past year.

IHowever, I am at my wits end. I do believe that she really is afraid. But, what else can I do? I don't want to go to bed every night at nine when she does!!!

How can I keep this kid in bed and quiet?

Answer 1

Firstly, pick a time that is NOT bedtime to talk to your daughter, a time when both of you are relaxed and perhaps your fiance is not there.
Tell her you are concerned about the fact that she is so afraid at night and what does she think is causing this. Tell her that you love her so much and you want to help her to be a big girl and go to her bed on time and not be afraid to sleep alone.

Eight year old girls can be pretty cryptic in their answers, so be ready to pick up what she might be trying to tell you. She is at the age where many girls develop fears, unexplained external fears that eventually go away as mysteriously as they came.

The main thing you need to let your daughter know is even though there have been many changes made lately, you and she are still Mom and Daughter, and still have that special bond.

Perhaps you should pick a day each week to do something special just you and her together, some activity like cooking, gardening, shopping whatever, just the two of you.

It will take awhile for your fiance to really fit in, but if you continue to give your daughter the right kind of attention, you should start having less problems at bedtime.

Answer 2

Do you have much time to spend with her every day? Children need quality one on one.

Also, is there fighting in her life? Maybe she needs more peace.

Is school a safe place for her?

Does the fiancee treat her right?

What about soothing instrumental music playing for her at bedtime.

I wonder if she feels left out. When did she start crying every night? When the fiancee moved in or when you moved to the new apartment?

Is she hungry or thirsty? Does she have any physical problem?

Where do you go after she goes to sleep? Do you stay in the apartment? If she has any cause to think you will leave her then she will probably keep crying. She needs comfort and security. My children used to cry alot when I was under lots of stress and my husband and I were not at peace with our life's direction. They did not really start to sleep well until my husband and I were at peace and happy with our lives. Good luck and may you find Help for your need.

Put the big rocks in first. Like. God. You and your daughter's relationship. Whether you should be living together without being married. And whatever is REALLY important to God. Then maybe emotions can start to level out.

Answer 3

I am a big advocate of reading to the kids at bedtime. I don't know if you have started this with your daughter when she was a few years younger, but I believe such an activity will strengthen the bond between child and parent.

But there is something else here...the fact that your fiance has moved in. How has she adjusted to this? Is this bedlam going on at bedtime a play for your attention? Perhaps it was not the best thing for the move-in to take place until after you and the groom-to-be get married. She'll have a hard enough time adjusting after this event as it is; the fact that you have a man living with you that is not her father further complicates things.

At this point in time, you need to put her first! Don't punish her for being placed in a position where she has to share you with this man in your life. It wasn't her choice. The best thing is just to be patient and allow her enough time to adjust. What's done is done at this point and you'll simply have to make the best of this situation.

Answer 4

You need the super nanny!!!!

well my idea is...

This may waste electricity but it works for my brother.

If she has a tv in her room leave it on a channel or tv show she isnt interested in. So she doesnt end up watching it. A radio, CD or DVD or Video etc... could work also. Well as long as they are in her room. She should be able to get to sleep easier because the tv sounds are blocking off any other noises she may hear outside. Just turn it off when you KNOW she is asleep. I really hope it works for you like it did and still does work for my brother.
She will grow out of using a tv or radio etc... when she is older.

Another way is to have a talk with her and just understand her problems. Work it out with her and dont get angry or raise your voice or she will not want to talk. Be patient
Just say she is scared of how her room feels. You and your daughter could change the room around. Like move her bed to the other wall or buy a new doona cover. It will make her feel protected and safe. Or if she is scared of being on her own then go shopping with her and let her pick out a toy or doll she can sleep with. She will have something to hold onto if she gets scared and she has a new toy!!



Hope all goes well.
If none of my information I have told you works then I hope the other answers do.

roxy_angel101

Answer 5

children this young have VERY difficult times adjusting to change. especially being scooted out of the bed so that your fiancee can take her spot. moves are also hard on kids. if you thought she was just doing this to get out of going to sleep then you would just have to be stern and not allow her out of her room and ignore her (kinda like a young baby...ignoring some cries to teach her to be independent) but since you believe she's really scared you need to talk to her during the day and ask her what she's scared of, find out why she's scared of it too. if it's monsters or the boogyman try not to add to her fear by saying that you got rid of them somehow...that only assures her that there was actually something there to begin with. just tell her there is no such thing. try giving her something like a security blanket or teddy bear...something she feels will keep her safe. and tell her she needs to trust that it will be ok. start with small steps. tell her that she needs to fall asleep in her bed and if she wakes up and is scared that she can come to your bed. try that for a couple nights. then move onto trying to keep her in her bed one or two night a week and slowy move on to more nights a week. the only thing you can do is be understanding and not shame her for being scared. she's just a little girl. just let her know that mom won't let anything happen to her and you're just down the hall. well i hope something works as i know how hard it is with a kid in the bed and how a mother doesn't like to feel helpless. good luck

Answer 6

Hmm... Part of the reason is probably that she's so used to having you right there that she's afraid to be on her own. Maybe spend some time with her right before bed, just the two of you, reading, watching a movie, ect...untill she's ready to sleep, then take her up to bed and tuck her in. Gradually wean her off her dependence on you, rather than having her stop immediately. Maybe even set up a "Sleepover" Night with her once in a while untill she's adjusted.

Not sure if that will help, as I'm only a teen and never babysat in my life, but my little brother had somewhat similar issues, so he got read to and tucked in untill he was at least 10.

Hope that helps!

Answer 7

I watched a tv show one time about a little one sleeping with the parents and they moved and made the lil one start sleeping in their own room and the crying and stuff started. The parents finally weened the child by (1) sleeping in the floor beside you for a week (2) then next to the parents bedroom door (week) (3) in the hall way (week) and then to their bedroom floor (week) and then eventually into their own bed with the same bedding as used on the floor. It seemed to work for them. Good Luck

Answer 8

She could really be afraid of something in or around that apartment, or she could be using "afraid" as her reason for crying when really she could be crying out of sadness.

I think if my child were crying every night I would set up an appointment with a counselor to see if the changes that have occurred in her life have caused her problems and get some ideas on how to help her.

Answer 9

You should focus on working through her fears.

Create a bedtime routine. Eliminate ANYTHING which might add to her fears. Assure her that you will be a few feet away, but that you have things to do before you can go to bed. Tell her that you will check on her before you go to sleep.

Another thing that might work. Try the baby monitor thing again. Listen to her breathing after she has gone to sleep. Is it irregular? Does she stop breathing periodically? snore? anything that sounds abnormal? This might have something to do with it.

You can also add calming rituals to bedtime, such as warm milk, bubble-bath time, reading a soothing story, or a 'special' stuffed animal or other token which has been sent to her especially from the good fairy who watches over little children when they sleep. Try not to mention anything about monsters or anyhting scarey.

Good Luck!

Answer 10

Check out the books at the library to find some stories on big girls sleeping in their own bed at night. Let her have a sleep over with a couple friends in her own bedroom. Try to come up with some creative things to make her love her room. But never let her sleep with you again even if she is still crying at 12 yr old.