I'm not used to this after being married for 7 years to someone who never had a single female friend. He is a very confident (or should I say arrogant) man and admits that most women find him attractive and that there is often sexual tension between him and these "friends" of his. He says he can control himself when alone with them. I ask why does he ever need to be alone with them at all. I have given up several male friends for him because I knew there was flirting going on. But he refuses to do the same in kind. A few of these women are ex's and one of them is a stalker. But he still gives in to them. Do I make ultimatums or just get over it?
2007-01-28 16:17:29 · 13 answers · asked by paddington_ck 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
ooh, ultamatums. That is a tough one to monitor. That kind of control or manipulation usually sends the other person into secrecy and dishonesty.
I am not going to tell you what to do. You get to choose.
You gave up your male friends and want him to give up his female friends. Do you really trust him with them? If you don't, know that you cannot control him and will be conflicted, or possibly controlling which are not healthy for a relationship. Neither is jealousy. Ex's and stalkers, that sounds really unhealthy. He's not very good at boundaries. Sounds like a troubling relationship.
You have a dilemma. Accept the situation as is, or try to control him. Control won't work and the relationship will eventually end. Accepting his unhealthy behavior goes against your desires, you can stay with him and end up an obsessive ex, or you can find someone else that fits the character you prefer in a boyfriend.
Good luck.
2007-01-28 16:30:12 · answer #1 · answered by teach_empathy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I usually have only girl - friends.
I had once given them all up at the ex's request and didn't care because she was my world ... only to have my ex still hang around guys that openly wanted her and she did end up cheating on me.
Now, if you trust him, that is what matters. And being alone with a friend that is a girl is not the problem.
You should never give up a true friend for a person you are dating, nor ask the person you are dating to relinquish true friends.
My best friend is a girl, no one could stop me from talking to her, or hanging out with her. It is purely plutonic (sp?). I could be around her (and have done so) 24 hrs/ day 7 days/wk and not ever think sexually about her ... it is not that she isn't attractive, it is that I think of her like the sister I never had. She would never want me either (she is into girls).
With that being said, I would give up just about anyone else in my life but my best friend for a girl I love, even after being scarred before, mostly because of who I am and how I set my priorities. You two have different values and if they become too conflicting, you have to learn to do what is best for yourself.
I would be skeptical in your position because 1) I don't trust most guys, they generally lie and cheat 2) his attitude is not trustworthy, he openly admits there is sexual tension and continues to put you through the stress of dealing with the possibilities ... be careful and trust your instincts, most of the time they are leading you in the correct direction.
2007-01-29 00:47:49 · answer #2 · answered by just another guy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think some guys can have truly platonic friendships with women, but I understand why you're uncomfortable about this guy. If one of the women is even a "stalker" and he won't stand up to her, something tells me he will have trouble standing up to her when she wants to have sex, you know? You could try giving him an ultimatum but I don't think it will work. He doesn't sound like a good guy for you.
2007-01-29 00:24:03 · answer #3 · answered by mj_indigo 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well your married so I don't think its as easy as just dumping his ****, but anyway. I would sit down w/him and have a serious eye to eye conversation. Put the bull aside and just explain how this seriously bothers you. You have let go of some male friends because of him, well he needs to do the same and quite with the double standards right away.
2007-01-29 00:26:40 · answer #4 · answered by SphinxEyez999 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He "admits" most women find him attractive? Wow, what an ego this guy has.
He's obviously insecure enough that you have to give up your male friends for him, but he can't give up his female friends for you... okayyyy...
"Sexual tension?" More like he's fooling around with them.
If you don't trust him that should be a clue. Say, "Adios" to this guy and move on.
2007-01-30 07:40:37 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow i was in the same predictament months ago... my fiance' had several girls as friends when i met him and some were his ex's. and one was a convience and would NOT let go ...... girls always calling his cell phone and i pretty much told him how much it hurt me. so he had his number changed and he never calls them and i know this cause i get the cell phone bill...... but the reason he stopped is because he loves me and he dont want to hurt me ...simply talk to him and if he get upset then he has no consideration for you... and his feelings aren't true! you cant let this go because it is how you feel........ and if you cant express to someone you care about ...then know right now .there is no point in being with him.... good luck
2007-01-29 00:38:00 · answer #6 · answered by sassy4you 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He needs to break it off with them, but the last thing you should do is to issue ultimatums. That will simply alienate him. Explain to him that it's bothering you and why and see if that doesn't move him...
If it doesn't, ask him what he's getting out of it.
2007-01-29 00:21:21 · answer #7 · answered by tony1athome 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This guy sounds like a player. Do yourself a favor and move on.
2007-01-29 00:32:38 · answer #8 · answered by Del C 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
UMMMMM>>>>>hell yah
2007-01-29 00:20:13 · answer #9 · answered by hazel2nuts 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Um, dump his ***. He's not worth your time and obviously has no respect for you.
2007-01-29 00:22:47 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋