Ok... My ex is pregnant and it could be my child. I am planning on it is. She moved 800 miles out of state and living with a new boyfriend. I just got hired permantly after being a contract worker. I was going to move to Florida with my mom and sister. But now since I might have a child, I am debating it. If I move I will be farther away from her. She is due May 25th and I am going to get a paternity test done ASAP, when the baby is born. I need help deciding what I should do??? Should I move as planned?? Should I stay here(NY)? She did sleep with someone else around the same time. She says I am the father (100%)... I even thought of fighting for custody...She is a unstable person. She doesn't have nothing and only relays on guys for help. She bounces from guy to guy to survive. She has no job, car and nothing going for her. I was told it would cost me tens of thousands to fight for custody. I am so confused!!! please help!! thanks!
2007-01-28 14:27:23 · 8 answers · asked by kdog_1981 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I am 25 and she is 21. We were planning on having a child. we were married...thanks.
2007-01-28 14:48:23 · update #1
If she is already 800 miles away, then move to Florida. It is far enough already. If the paternity test proves the baby to be yours, and she is unfit then fight for custody. Good luck though.
2007-01-28 14:32:26 · answer #1 · answered by kayle_rose 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First, find out if the child is definitely yours. If you cannot find out the results of the test before the new job starts, I might be inclined to move to Florida and start it. If the child is yours (you may want to discuss this ahead of time--if she is "so sure" that the child is yours...she might want you to take the child or be tied to you in some way), I would discuss and offer to take full custody of the child and move the child to Florida (be as friendly as possible--don't get into a heated argument, even if it doesnt go your way--make sure someone else is witnessing the discussion--your friend a relative..and public notery. If she is willing to grant you custody, you may get out of the $$ associated with custody battles. Try to make up a your argument (discussion--reasoning and proof) ahead of time, why this would benefit the child the most. You have family that is willing to help you out...you have a permanent and stable job...the area that you will be moving to has a great school system...and supportive environment for your child..etc. Tell her that you are more than willing to allow her to see the child, since she is her mother...that you understand that if she (the mother) were to raise the child..that it would be very difficult, seeing that there isn't a job, that her new boyfriend is new (don't specify that she bounces from guy to guy to survive...that will put a negetive slant on your argument and she will more than likely become defensive), that she will have an easier time getting onto her feet, etc. You may never hear from her again, after you obtain legal custody. But, take it one step at a time. This route would be the easiest, in my mind (without knowing more of the situation).
If she wants the child...my thinking is that she wants the financial support check as well. But, I don't know how old she is, whether she has family that is more than capable to help her out, whether she will be responsible (once the baby comes)..etc. You must stress that she needs to take care of herself during her pregancy. It is important for her to have regular check-ups with an OBGYN and to take prenatal vitamins with folic acid. No smoking and eating right. Be kind. Even if her gift is not yours, it is a gift to someone, nonetheless. Good luck!
2007-01-28 22:46:28 · answer #2 · answered by What, what, what?? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1st, get the test. If the child is yours then try for custody, especially if she's not very stable. The baby doesn't need that, and maybe your family will be a more positive influence. As far as moving to Florida. What's the difference between 800 miles or 2,000? Just a shorter car ride. You can get legal help. Do a web-search, or contact a lawyer who can point you in the right direction. She doesn't have the money for a long custody fight either. Good luck.
2007-02-01 15:40:55 · answer #3 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It won't cost that much to fight for custody...but then it could cost more.. the question is how important is the child to you? The welfare and well-being of the child should be your primary concern. You might be better off staying where you are until paternity can be determined. If you go do you think you can keep a close handle on where she is or when the child will be born will you be able to get back to where she is at? Difficult decisions and impossible situation...another shinning example of why you should always use birth control...no matter what.
2007-01-28 22:44:25 · answer #4 · answered by Barbiq 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You left out the most important part of this. How old are you and how old is your girlfriend???
You could have used safe sex. Why didn't you? Are you going to continue this behavior? I hope not.
I can imagine how you feel, that is why you need to post your age. No one can help you without that.
It is almost impossible to take a child away from its mother. It would cost you a fortune to attempt it. If you are the father and it is proven with testing then you get to pay child support and have visitation rights. I would take the job you were offered and think about this for awhile. You have time before the baby is born.
If this woman is so bad, why did you get involved with her? There are some items not being dealt with here.
2007-01-28 22:40:13 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are the father and choose to be a part of that little life, then you stay put for now. Or, if the job you just got is in another state, you move back when the baby is to be born and if you are the father, you stay or you work out the custody issue with her. If she lets you have full custody, you can move with her permission back to where the job is. If not, you will need to stay put. Your life now revolves around that child, if it is yours. Do what you have to do for the baby's sake. Be a great daddy! Stay close and available! Hopefully, congratulations!
2007-01-28 22:45:34 · answer #6 · answered by enjoyrselves 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hello,
Wow, you have a lot to consider. I admire you wanting to know if it is your child and then taking responsibility for that.
I don't think a move would be best at this time. Can you delay that untill you find out about your (?) baby? Do you love her still?
If she is unstable as you have stated, your baby/child will need you in it's life and deserves to have that. I would fight for that.
If it is your baby, you can have help I am sure by your family.
It won't cost you that much, IF the child is yours and IF she is determined to be so unstable....she sounds as if she is not the kind of person someone would want to be a partner in raising a child with...
1. Pray
2. Get the test
3. Support your baby
4. See if you can put your move on hold for now....
God Bless You.........I will pray all goes well.
You did not mention your age, and so that matters too in making all these decisions, let your loved ones help....Good Luck, always...
2007-01-28 22:39:54 · answer #7 · answered by brunswickpuppy 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think taking one thing at a time is best. You can always move to Fl with your mother and sister later.
For know, keep the job. It's a good thing, jobs aren't always easy to find. Just wait and see how the paternity comes out. If the baby ends up being yours, and you could get her to go to counseling, maybe the two of you could make it work.
Good Luck!
2007-01-28 22:33:48 · answer #8 · answered by Joy K 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋