Ethnic identity for a mixed-race daughter?

Question

My daughter is 8 months old, and she comes from a mixed family. I am caucasian and native american. Her biological father is Asian Indian. My fiancee (who has been with me since I was pregnant, and is basically her father) is a Zulu from South Africa.

To me, she's just my little Peanut ... she's light enough that she seems "white" with me, but dark enough that she seems "mixed" with my fiancee.

I could care a less how she's classified, but every time I fill out a form, they ask for her "race." Also, as she gets older, I know people will try to place her in their own categories.

How do I instill a sense of pride and self-identity in her, and at the same time maker her comfortable in a world that insists on placing people in categories?

Sorry, Windwalker. Religious upbringing is an entirely different question. I'm spiritual, but not Christian.

Answer 1

Who in America is not "mixed?" It's the most beautiful thing about our country. She'll eventually know her heritage through what you and her dad teach her.

You're her mom, why not go with Native American? Choose one to fill out the forms with. It's not like they're going to come back to you and tell you that you filled it out incorrectly!

My grandfather always said that the best looking kids are the ones who are mixed and I think he's right! Your child will have the wonderful benefit of having lots of different traditions and a unique heritage. No need to explain and explain to people who don't care (like you said, a world intent on categorizing) because it's none of their business anyway.

Good luck with your sweet baby!

Answer 2

Those little "race" boxes that you sometimes see are optional. You dont have to check anything. When your baby is old enough to start asking questions about her race then explain to her that she comes from 2 people who love her very much. Explain that the color of your skin has nothing to do with the person she chooses to be. That she can do anything that she wants despite the color of her skin or her ethic orgin. Explain to her what race you are and what race her father is. Give her the benifits of learning both backgrounds. Let her know the good and the bad of both races. Let her decide what she wants to check in those boxes. She may choose one or the other or she may choose that she is "mixed" (which i think is one of the boxes now). But above everything make she she knows that she was made by love with love. Good luck with everything and I hope everything works out with all this.

Answer 3

"Other". I don't take the race section on forms seriously unless it's a governmental form, and most other forms have the "other" section. I'm white as linen but I don't see how, for example my employers medical insurance, can justify asking for my race. I'm a mixture of European decent (German/Irish/Swedish). The "well certain races are more prone to certain illnesses" doesn't fly with me as justification, regardless of truth. In your case, "Other" certainly fits the bill as she's a mixture of many races and you can't just lump her into one category.

Your best bet in instilling pride and self identity in her is to not treat her as though she's "other" or "Asian Indian" or "native American" and teach her how to stand on her own two feet and be herself, not who someone else wants her to be; achieved by informing her, as the time comes, that some people will be ignorant, and that some people will treat her differently because of the shade of her skin. This is a fact of life that no one will ever be able to escape. We just learn to live with it to some degree. Teach her to not let ignorance get her down.

You're probably going to have to deal with more sexism than racism, really, and teach her how to cope with that. I live in Florida, I don't consider myself particularly pretty or particularly ugly, I'm just an average chick, but I can't walk 20 feet from my condo without some dick whistling or cat-calling. My boyfriend has had to help me learn how to cope with it, I find it offensive beyond words that people think it's acceptable to behave like animals. Then again, people behaved like this in Arkansas, too. So the filthy behavior isn't limited to just one area. I wish my parents had addressed sexist pigs and how to deal with it more than racism. It bothers me alot more than remarks like "gee, you must be anemic, you don't have any color to your skin at all!" or albino jokes.

Just my .02 based on my life experiences so far, take it or leave it.

Answer 4

this is a very good and a very serious question. i am mixed with black, white & native american. you and her will have to understand that there will be a struggle and people will try to classify her. in elementary school, on map tests and terra nova and things like that, i would put every race that i am if i could, or else i would put other. being half black, the govt wants me to put black, but in my eyes i am every bit native american as i am black. let her know that regardless of race she is human, just like everyone else. also, try to introduce her to each part of her heritage and let her know she "belongs" to each "group" (which will pop up). it would be helpful if she knows that being multi~racial makes her even more special that she has the best of each race/ethnicity. basically, let her know that it will be hard, that she is human like everyone and that she should NEVER let anyone classify her under one race.

Answer 5

Most Likely Indian, Beacuse the Mother is Native American and White, the father is East Indian, so yeah Indian. Also she'll naturally darken as she gets older, to one of those beautiful shades of brown.

Answer 6

my sons are mixed and i feel the way the you do. when my 1st was born i was told by the doc that what ever the race the father is, is the race of the child. i feel like that is dismissing 'my half' of her. so when asked their race, i check ALL that applies and let "them" figure it out. =) but then again, i have always been a smart a$$ lol

Answer 7

My race had put me on a rough road through life, both in my mind and in the eyes of the rest of the world.

Like you, I am a half breed Caucasian and Native American (Haida Indian from SE Alaska/Western Canada).

Growing up in SE Alaska, I was me. There were many others like me around. I didn’t particularly identify with one race over the other.

At the age of ten, I was moved from SE Alaska to a redneck farm town in South Central Wisconsin. For rest of my school years, I was identified as a Native American by others because I was different. The kids around me were all white. In my entire high school, there were two half-breed Natives and a black kid, the rest were white.

I was teased, tormented, and beaten for who I was. For the most part, the teachers saw me as a dimwit and really could have cared less. By the time High School was over, I was ashamed of being a Native.

I’ll save you the academic struggles of high school (I am very smart, but they put me in the remedial classes, forcing me to start over with math and English my junior year of HS, forcing me to do 4 years of each in 2 years along with everything else…hello summer school). I worked my a$$ off and got into a very good private Engineering institution. My self-hatred carried over into college until I realized no one cared about the color of my skin. People cared that I was funny, adventurous/crazy, and intelligent.

I finally came full-circle. By the time I left college, I was me. I wasn’t a white me or a native me, just me.

Like you mention, the world insists on putting you in a box. Personally, I chose to be Native American. I am not ashamed of being white. Actually, I am quite proud of being a mix breed as I can pass for either and this has taught me more about the world than anything else I have gone through in life. I have seen white hatred toward others, I have seen the struggles of a foundering minority race, basically, I have seen the good and bad of both races. At the end of the day, I chose Native American as I grew up in a Native environment and I was happiest there. My path on life’s journey has taken me all over the world and I have settled far from my home in SE Alaska, but SE Alaska is still home to me and those are the people I identify with.

I don’t think there is any need explain to a young child about ethnic pride. I think this will do nothing but pollute their concept of the world. Children are pure and they are color blind. Children learn exclusionism and hatred. Eventually, your child will learn that the world isn’t color blind like they are and then their journey will begin. Your child will have to learn for themselves who they identify with in a world that insists on putting them in a “box” and labeling them.

As a parent, I hear your concern. My children are only ¼ Native, but one day, they may face the same identity crisis I once did. I will guide them and cry with them, but ultimately it will be up to them to find their own identity.

In times of need, we are all the same.

Good Luck! I wish your child well on their journey when it comes. They will be a better person for it.

Answer 8

Teach her to forget categories and focus on being a productive member of society.

Answer 9

Ignore the "categories".

She is her own self....free of labels!
Teach her that she is a "world" child.........and that someday ALL children hope to be what she is!

Answer 10

she does not have to identify her ethnicity to any one unless she wants to.i am Filipino and black and when asked want i am i tell them that i am everything,meaning all of the above.
people can be a real idiot when it comes to different races.