Do you think this sounds like a bad mother?

Question

Avoids hugging her children
Makes you pay for gas money to go to a activity
Gives you no allowance
Cooks dinner a few times a week but no other meals except breakfast on Saturdays and only if boyfriend is there
Spends more time with boyfriends than with children
Constanly tells descriptive stories about her sexual history to you
Was at one time on drugs
Is completely dependent on her parents
Does have a job but blows you off when she gets home
Doesn't even read what she signing when presented with a permission slip
Borrows my money

What I have posted above is my mom in a nutshell. She's not affectionate and demands respect from me and yet ignores me and constantly critizes and teases me. I'm only 15. I've tried talking to her she doesn't care. Her boyfriend matters more to her. He's an okay guy but has his own kids. She even't let him live with us for five months without even talking to us and this was the first guy to live with us since our dad. Is this normal?

Answer 1

Emotional Neglect

Inadequate Nurturance/
Affection Marked inattention to the child's needs for affection, emotional support, attention, or competence.

This is not normal behavior for a mother. She has obviously chosen to put her boyfriend in front of her own child. It seems like your mother is so caught up in this man that she's failed to think about what matters most and that's her child. This type of behavior is difficult to deal with because you being the child and only 15 years old, what can you really do? Heres what i've come up with.

Emotional Abuse
May include the following behaviours:

Rejecting
Parents who lack the ability to bond will often display rejecting behaviour toward a child. They tell a child in a variety of ways that he or she is unwanted. They may also tell the child to leave, call him or her names and tell the child he or she is worthless. They may not talk to or hold the young child as he or she grows. The child may become the family scapegoat, being blamed for all the family's problems.

Ignoring
Adults who have had few of their emotional needs met are often unable to respond to the needs of their children. They may not show attachment to the child or be unable to nurture. They may show no interest in the child, express affection or even recognize the child's presence. Many times the parent is physically there but emotionally unavailable.

Terrorizing
Parents may single out one child to criticize and punish. They may ridicule him or her for displaying normal emotions and have expectations far beyond his or her normal abilities. The child may be threatened with death, mutilation or abandonment.

Isolating
A parent who abuses a child through isolation may not allow the child to engage in appropriate activities with his or her peers; may keep a baby in his or her room, not exposed to stimulation; or may prevent teenagers from participating in extracurricular activities. Parents may require the child to stay in his or her room from the time school lets out until the next morning, or restrict eating to isolation or seclusion.

Corrupting
Parents permit children to use drugs or alcohol; to watch cruel behaviour toward animals; to watch pornographic materials and adult sex acts; or to witness or participate in criminal activities such as stealing, assault, prostitution, gambling, etc.

Effects of emotional abuse
Other types of abuse are usually identifiable because marks or other physical evidence is left, however, emotional abuse can be very hard to diagnose or even to define. In some instances, an emotionally abused child will show no signs of abuse. For this reason, emotional abuse is the most difficult form of child maltreatment to identify and stop.

This type of abuse leaves hidden scars which may manifest themselves in numerous ways:

insecurity

poor self-esteem

destructive behavior

angry acts (such as fire setting or cruelty to animals, etc.)

withdrawal

poor development of basic skills

alcohol or drug abuse

suicide

difficulty forming relationships

sleep disturbances

depression

I really hope your mother wakes up and smells what life is really about. You hang in there kid. You seem like a strong individual. Try talking to her about the situation at hand. If she refuses to talk, then you know you've tried and it's time to do what you need to do to choose the right path in life. I know being 15 that's a hard thing to deal with but this will either make you or break you, and it's up to you what path you want to go down. One day your mother will realize what she's done to you. Maybe when that day comes you two can work on building the mother and daughter relationship that you deserve. Until then stay strong and keep busy. Get involved with anything and everything that you can that involves positive outcomes. Good luck, I wish the best to you and your mother...

Answer 2

maybe not a bad mom, but if this is all true, then she is making some very poor decisions.

Also, make sure that you're not picking out all the faults in your Mom. Obviously, I don't know the situation, or know your mother, but when i was a teenager, I'd find every fault with my Mom I could but now I know she was a great Mom and she raised me well. But from you putting that she borrows your money, and she doesn't spend much time with you is very hard to look past.

Just keep counting down the days till you're 18. It'll come sooner than you think. Maybe confide in another mother figure, like a best friends Mom, or an aunt.

Answer 3

She's not the greatest nor is she the worst but she's yours. She reflects what kind of life she's had and she probably doing the best she can. This doesn't excuse her behavior but it's simply a way of better understanding who she is. If you're not being physically abused and she's providing a house for you, consider yourself better off than some children. She finds difficulty connecting emotionally with you as well being a caretaker because she has low self-esteem and her sense is worth seems to be completely absent. She defines herself through relationships with men so that is why that is her complete focus. She also has never had any financial responsibility so in many ways she's a child raising a child.

You don't have to live there. You can take your G.E.D., apply for college, get a part-time job and live on campus with your income from your job and student loans. Be proactive. Your mother is who she is. You need to start focusing on how you can make a better life for yourself and not follow in her footsteps.

Answer 4

Well I think I know how you feel because that is not cool that your mom is completely dependent on her parents, and that she makes you pay for gas money to go to an activity. As a parent she should have gas money for any activity that she wants to do with you. As for as the hugging issue well I know how you feel about that one to because I have two younger siblings, and my father never payed us any attention, or hugged us or talked to us very much. So I know how you feel about being ignored by your parent. However at this age though you should have a job, or volunteer at the library or museum. Because when I was 15 I did not get an allowance, and my siblings are also teens, and they do not get an allowance, so she does not owe you an allowance, but what she does owe you is her time, love, and energy. She should also most likely reimburse you for gas.

Answer 5

You certainly have a lot of issues going on. Some of them sound very serious and not what a mom should do and some of them are less serious. I know you are not going to like my answer but I think you should show your mom the question you posted.

There are always two sides to every story. Maybe she doesn't see what you do. Perhaps she is having a problem since your dad has been gone too. If she sees what you are saying in writing it might be easier for her to understand. Have a family meeting with her and your other siblings. Get it all out on the table and see what happens. But all these issues have to be faced and discussed among all of you. Nothing is going to change on its own..............

Answer 6

Well .... everyone has faults. You've pointed out a few of hers ..... but I wouldn't consider all those things you've mentioned to be faults.
You seem mature enough to realize some of the things she should be doing and some she should not be doing. Apply these principals to yourself. Try to be supportive and not an opposer of her.
You have a few more years to prepare yourself to be independant of her ....... whether you are going further in school or entering the working world.
So, keep that good head on your shoulders ... be the person you want to be. You don't have to accept her lifestyle or follow in her footsteps --- but always be supportive of her and lead by example. She won't change unless she has to.

Answer 7

Call your local Child Protective Services office and voice your concerns to them. She does not sound like she deserves the responsibility of having children. The fact that you posted the question leads me to believe that you are unhappy and wishing things were better for you. It is very tragic when seen from the outside, trust me. Take care of yourself, and don't allow yourself to be shat upon by anyone. Gotta be proactive in order to change things, no matter how scary it is.

Answer 8

I am so sorry for you. No one deserves to be raised like this. Do you have any other relatives that you can go and live with? Where's your father? Grandmother? Aunts? Please try and get yourself somewhere that is loving and nuturing before you have every good reason to drink and drug too, and that would be a shame. Good luck and lots of love OXOX

Answer 9

First of all I am sorry. It sounds like she hasn't grown up herself. Is she at all like her mother? I don't know what you would like to happen I mean of course you want her to change but since that more than likely won't happen you are old enough to decide where you want to live. Just because she is your mother doesn't mean you have to tolerate her abuse. Good luck

Answer 10

It sounds as if you are very sad and lonely for motherly love. You didn't say if you were a boy or girl. I think you should seek counseling from your school. Can you speak to your father?
I wish you love, luck and peace. Things will get better, please believe it. Your mom is probably having a really rough time. If she is young, and had a bad marriage or upbringing herself, she is struggling too. Talk to her about how you feel.