Cut your family out of your life?

Question

If you have gotten so sick and tired of your insane family that you have totally (or almost totally) cut them out of your life, you are the answerers I want. What got you to that point? And how did you do it? My family is a source of frustration and genuine anguish, and has been for a long time. I get very close to no happiness or peace out of my relationship with most of them; they are, at best, crazy (at worst malicious and not even "whole" people). I love them, of course, but I feel like it's time for me to (again) consider myself and my own sanity. If anyone has anything to share about divorcing one's family, please...

Answer 1

Move out of state. I did. My family are all *******. Even the ones that died too. Cut off all contact. Why ruin your life.

Answer 2

First off, I want to express how proud you should feel about yourself for being strong enough to endure this type of lifestyle. History has shown that only the greatest of people can survive these types of situations. You have dealt with extremely adverse circumstances; trust me your life can only flourish from here. And since you are so accustomed to having those who are meant to love and care for you as your primary source of criticism; once you leave them behind you will feel the change in your life. You will finally be allowed to feel pride and accomplishment because you won't be surrounded by negative critics. I agree, you should leave your family and never speak to them again. No one deserves to be treated the way you have and there is no excuse, no addiction or disease justifies this type of abuse to a child. Once you have moved to a new place, both geographically and emotionally, you will begin to see how special and great you are. The fact you have dealt with this abuse means you have a benevolent heart. Despite their treatment of you, you endured and even felt care for your family members. Take pride in the fact that you are so kind and open, this will prove to be a great talent for you in the future. Also, recognize that your depression and agoraphobia is only a result of the environment in which you have been living. Sure life will continue to present challenges, but these challenges can be overcome while your current situation can only be avoided. Lastly, before you go off on your own you should try to plan ahead (not saying you haven't just providing some advice out of concern). Have a location in mind before you leave, make sure you know what you will need once you arrive there, and you should try to save up some money so that you can support yourself while looking for work and a place to live. I applaud you courage, you should not doubt yourself. This is the right decision. Leave the nest and soar.

Answer 3

Cutting my family out of my life was something that I wanted to do ever since I was twelve. Now that I am on the brink of 21, I kinda have mixed feelings about it. My parents weren't the best but that doesn't make them bad people. I no longer speak to my father nor do I care. As for my mother we are on speaking terms, which is fine, and she is in my life only because I have set up boundaries. I talk to her when I want that way I ensure that I don't get hurt. I speak to my step brothers and sisters when I want for the same reason. I did this by moving out on my own away from both sets of parents and not attempting anything anymore. It took a lot outta me to try to have a decent relationship with them but at this point I can't. I know that in a few years from now, we'll probably talk things out but for now I am enjoying my "vacation" away from them. Don't be mean about it and don't act like a child when it comes down to it. They are your family no matter what. Hell, I don't think that there is anyone out there who has a decent "normal" family. You can email me if you want to know more or just talk.

Answer 4

Hi there !!
I can sense your sadness by your words, and your total frustration.
It is not easy to disconnect ourselves from our family, yet many times we have to.
Your family members do not define who you are and what you are all about.

Many years ago I had to release myself and let go. It was painful at first, I think the actual desition, the thinking , analyzing made it the most painful process.
You have to stop and think honey what do you want from this life, where do you want to go ?
Life is to short to be unhappy, to be with people, family or not, that just make this life unbearable or misereable.
It is not like we are going to walk away at the first sign of problems, but when the problems become a burden, when it sucks the life force out of our bodies, we have to let go for our own sanitys sake.
I began to write a journal, which to this day is my faithful companion, and allows me to look back at my life and analyze myself.
I also started to do things I had always wanted to, but never had time or guts to do them
I started to go to new places, make new friends, and I changed my life
regarding family, you could call or send a note, to say hi, but do not allow them to get you down.
Family is important, yet sometimes we have family members that are just not reliable, or they have ways that are so unstable and crazy, and no matter how much we try, they never listen or learn, and they tend to bring all those around them down with them when they go down in flames.
Honey, keep your chin up, smile as often as you can,
live life as if it were the last minute, and love with all of your heart and soul.
Do not allow things to get you down, I know it is easier said then done, but we do have the last word on how we allow others to make us feel and how we react to those around us.

I wish you only the best, may you find peace and resolution in this life experience

love light and peace

Answer 5

My mother-in-law was such a person. For over twenty years she made sure we had a cloud over our marriage, whether she was present or not. Having her come over brought immediate stress on us. She is a sober alcoholic and acts like a drunk most of the times. Rudeness, nasty language etc. was the rule. Anyway, my husband finally had enough. He called her up and told her that we no longer want anything to do with her. He told her not to contact us or our children. That's it. It was hard todo but we all felt like a huge burden was lifted. It's been a year and a half. We haven't had any contact or heard from her. Sometimes I get sad that it had to end this way, but then she had many chances to make things right and always refused.

Answer 6

This is so sad. Yes, I've been there. It was the best thing for my sanity and emotional stability to cut my family out of my life too. It has been several years. I finally just told them not to feel obligated to stay in touch, even on the holidays.
What bought me to that point was realizing that not only would they never see me as the person I've grown up to be, but they were also unwilling to stop acting out the dysfunctional roles that came out of our dysfunctional household when we were kids. I promise you I have a brother that can imitate my mother's emotional abuse so well you'd think she was channeling through him from the grave!
Many years of therapy drove me to the conclusion that I was better off without them. I figured that out for myself really. I've moved out of state now and I left no forwarding information of any kind. Other relatives with whom I keep in touch do not violate my wishes.
I pray for my siblings when they come to mind. Nothing self-righteous; but genuine blessings for their lives. I don't feel guilty about it. Just relieved. It really was the best thing for me.
God understands and has provided me with friends who treat me better than my siblings could ever learn how.

Answer 7

Distance will make it easier for you and them. They won't be able to bother you . It will make it easier to forget as you won't be running into them casually, etc. You do have to worry about yourself first.
it's a shame to say, but my mom lived with me for 12 yrs. after my dad died and she just wanted to control every aspect of my life. (I was like 40 when she moved in) It has been so peaceful since she died. Naturally, I loved her, but couldn't stand her at the same time. Make sense? It does to me. I know where you are coming from. Until she moved in we sorta got along because she wasn't always in my face. I could ignore the phone if I knew it was her, etc. My mistake was having her move with me. I shoulda moved outta state somewhere.

Answer 8

if u really hate them den move out. away form dem far away and find peace in ya self and enjoy ur independence well u r one or not ...but be sure if its the right thing to do...sometimes family is irreplaceable.
good luck

Answer 9

i stopped having anything to do with my family for about a year and a half my mom always babies my sister and brother and treated my like sh** i didn't see them talk to them nothing when i started coming back around things were better for awhile now it sucks again time to do it alone again trust me when you have to do it you're better off alone than miserable