Going to a social event where the people make me feel left out! Any advice?

Question

Hi. I am going to a social event with my husband. The social event is for my husband and his co-workers. The spouses will be there (mainly wives) and all of the wives are pretty much best friends. I have gone to events in the past with them and they have always made me feel invisible (no matter WHAT)...I have tried talking to them and have tried being social - doesn't work. So, usually I am left in the corner somewhere looking on and feeling sorry for myself. I am a very outgoing and social person but, around this crowd it's like I am a whole different person and it's horrible. I know 2 other wives but, I am not really close to them...but, I was hoping that they would make me feel a little more at ease...but, I don't want to attach myself to them the whole night...my husband will be socializing with his co-workers and I don't want to be following him around the whole night. Can anyone offer me any advice? Has anyone else experienced anything like this? The wives obviously don't like me

Answer 1

Yes, this happened to me. Once. This may sound bad, but when those snotty women saw me talking to their husbands, they wanted to get to know me quick! Because they couldn't make a scene, they had to be polite and make a few inquiries about me. I was equally polite, and made the same gestures to them. After that, a few of them decided it would be safer if they talked to me, rather than let me wander around talking to their husbands.

Answer 2

Where will your husband be? If these people all work together, he should be taking you on his arm as his special other half to show you off to those he works with daily. Does he know your feelings about this? Can you discuss things with him like this?
Your feelings of discomfort are just that, your feelings. They, the other women, can't make you feel one way or another. Is there some reason they are snubbing you? If not, don't read anything into it and confirm within yourself you will be joyful to be beside your husband during this time of his recognition and let your love and pride for him exclude all else. If you have something in the way of personality and happy times to offer with the other women, and I'm sure you do, and they pass it up, whose loss? Certainly not yours. You know, you can see an awful lot from a darkly lit corner if you get a kick out of people watching. even a nap if it's that bad. Examine your own behavior and see if you have any behavior patterns that are graphically different from the other ladies, like laughing too loudly, talking profanely, etc. If they do, and you don't, there's your diff., but don't change yourself. You know, an old saying of "Birds of a feather, flock together." Perhaps they're all ducks and you're a swan, or a dove, or a falcon, or a flamingo... Be happy inside yourself and let it shine through to the outside. If they're worthy, they'll notice. Good luck!

Answer 3

Lovepuppy here is my surefire method of fixing up the bitches.

You say you are outgoing does that means daring too?

Wear the most revealing gown that shows lots of the upper structure a split in the side that exposes maximum thigh. Get the hair and makeover done. Now when you walk in smile sweetly at the snobby bitches, but do the the batting and gushing thing at al their men. Move into the mens circle, not with your husband but by yoursel steer the conversation arount to someof their personal interests and hang on to their every word.
Men love a woman who invades them and has an ear for their stories, laugh at their silly jokes ( out loud) and pay them a hell of a lot of attention.
I bet withing a short time some of those women are going to be forming a rescue team and inviting you over to their side of the fence to chat and get to know you double quick.

I used to do it in reverse, I never went with the boys groups always sought the women out I could chat about anything they wanted from nappies, child formula, post natal depression, achieving orgasm or even housework.
Had a wonderful time, and incredibly we were always invidted as a couple to the parties after my invasion. Its the sort of noticable jealousy thing they would rather have you where they can see you than to have you invisible Good luck girl!

Answer 4

Are you the only one not engaged with others?

If there's at least one other person not in a group, sidle over to them, and chat.

Otherwise, just hand near this or that group. Do more listening, and slowly worm your way in.

Don't just stick with the wives, try this with the co-workers, too.

Move around from group to group, until you find an in.

Sorry for the lameness, but that's the best I can come up with.

If nothing else works, don't go. Do something you like to do, whether alone at home, or with friends.

It may not be that they don't like you. Can't tell from what you've said.

Answer 5

Don't you hate those "high school" moments as an adult. Who gives a crap about those women. If you act like you don't care for them and do your own thing, they may start wanting you to come over to them. Reverse psychology on these lame ducks always works. Question is, do you really want to "hang out" with them? I'd rather hang with the other two and not let those girls think they are better than you. Actually, I"d be tempted to make an off hand remark around them such as, "Geesh, I have to wonder if I'm in high school again sometimes." and leave it at that. If they get the message, I'd be surprised. Who has time for shallow people?! I mean really, would it kill them to be friendly at least?! My advice is hang with the two other women and do your own thing. Don't let those women ruin your time. In the future, maybe you can bring a friend with you of your own - that way you can be entertained...or not go at all. Good luck, I hate those situations. I joke around alot in those and make off hand remarks enough that people get the hint and lighten up.

Answer 6

properly i recognize what it feels go with to be socially awkward at a social experience and that i'm a woman. it is now complicated...although the trick to navigating the social waters is to make the leap and dive in. pay interest to the individuals round you and observe what they're doing....in the experience that they offer the effect of being bored there is an beginning for verbal change. also in case you observe someone listening to song on headphones or someone who's transferring into the song if there is any playing...that too is a good thanks to commence a verbal change. Or yet another good thanks to commence a verbal change is bypass as a lot as someone and funny tale about the way you recognize fairly no one there say some thing like 'i believe so out of position right here, i do not recognize anybody...' yet say it lightheartedly and jokingly...humor is continually a good thanks to get an 'in' even as it is composed of no longer understanding someone and getting to understand people. it is all about approach...attempt to appear as if you're comfortable being there.

Answer 7

I would go, and just intentionally do not associate or seek anyone out this time. If they engage you, answer in a warm sincere way, but show them that you don't need them. Don't make it seem like you care about it either way.

Also, I would attempt to chat up maybe some of your husbands co workers. The male ones. A guy is a guy is a guy. If a woman shows interest in him, he will respond. I am not saying throw yourself at anyone but engage a guy in conversation and show him you notice him and he will take notice.

Answer 8

Yeah! Don't go!! If you can't find a way to avoid it, take a book. If anyone comments on your anti-social behavior, be sure to tell them that after several years of trying and being rejected you decided to enjoy yourself this year. Invite them to go away and leave you alone with the book that is better company that the clique of snobs.

ADDITIONAL: Lori S. (2 above) has the best answer! She is absolutely correct and I can almost assure you that it is effective. Forget what I wrote and go with her suggestion. If it doesn't work you can try mine next year!

Answer 9

when you go to an event like this,and you r not around these people there is really no way to make them accept you. i know the feeling and if you r to foward they resent you . whaat i always did just to muddle though the ordeal is smile and smile acomment on things you know about but don;t try to be friends with them because they are a click. it's work oriented and don't take a bit of it personal .............

Answer 10

If you are being put into those uncomfortable situations, it is partly your husband's fault, and none of yours. They just aren't your kind of crowd. So, don't even try to fit in. The next time you have one of your hubby's social events to attend, beg off and don't go. Then you contact the Mountainman and we will have our own private party.

M