When I'm with a date with a girl that I like, I feel nervous, stiffen up, don't feel like my usual self. I try too much to say the right things and get worried that what I say will screw it all up some how.
Someone told me that the answer is to be yourself. But the nervous feeling just takes over when she's sitting there in front of me. How do I get over this?
2007-01-28 10:57:53 · 10 answers · asked by Antz 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Well... This is what I do right before my dates.... I go crazy, laugh, scream, shout, jump up and down. Somehow a little of my nervous butterflies start fluttering away. Also if you feel nervous don't be afraid to show it or admit it. Cause the more you open up, scream, cry, laugh over funny and embarrassing things, the less tension there will be when you two are together. JUST BE YOURSELF(sorry if I'm repeating), cause that way inside of you, you will be confident in who you are cause she is still sticking with you. And truthfully ENJOY this feeling cause it's a nice feeling, you'll sometimes actually miss this when it goes away. The TiNgLiNg and NERVOUS feeling of love is NATURAL so my strongest advice is not to get away from it. Also try and LAUGH, make her laugh! LOL I think I'm getting really lost in what I'm saying... but I hope my answer helps!
Aloha and the best of luck to you!
2007-01-28 11:10:03 · answer #1 · answered by Hawaiian surf chick 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why? Because it is the normal thing to feel. Girls have the self-same problem, if it helps any to know that. She may appear totally calm or even disinterested with you but bet you ANYTHING she too hasn't a clue what to do or say for nerves!
I can recommend that you take rescue remedy (this is a almost "herbal" preparation designed to "rescue" you from nerves- I give my daughter three drops on her tongue just before a piano exam or whatever and it WORKS- totally calms her down and let's her be "natural") by Bach Flower Remedies. Something you would need to have your parents/guardians check into for you.
:-)
Or do this- and I tell you it works in most situations where another person sort of scares you- imagine that they too need to do stuff like go to the loo. It makes them seem more like you and more "human". Works in interviews where the interviewer seems like an ogre! It is meant to make you realise that they are no different to you. Perhaps it will work for you?
As for being yourself- this is the most important thing. But knowing WHAT is normal "you" behaviour is tough- you are not going to be the same with your male mates as with this girl you like enough to be on a date with- wouldn't be quite right, now would it?
Quite right.
So- find common ground. Find something you both like. Talk about that.
Admit your nerves- you will be surprised how she will warm to you if you admit you are nervous. Either she will admit to being nervous too or she will want to put you at ease. Being "vulnerable" is a sign of strength and most girls would appreciate that kind of honesty!
And remember- silences need not be uncomfortable. Sometimes they are a sign of being at ease with each other- don't feel you have to completely overwhelm her with stuff. Smiling and other body language which reassures her that you are not bored will help a lot at those times.
Oh- and perhaps you ought not go on formal dates for the first ones- don't sit opposite each other! Eating dinner is a tough first date I always think- few people feel comfortable eating in front of strangers they fancy! Instead do something more active- like go for a cycle ride (sport of any type actually) where you have time to talk but also have time to just DO stuff together. Cinema...? Good opportunity to NOT speak but to then discuss the film as a common experience after.
And then build on that. Bet you anything your nerves will soon be a thing of the past!
2007-01-28 11:12:52 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A few deep breaths to help you relax, then ask her a few questions about herself. Listen to what she says. When she starts getting excited about a subject, ask her more questions about that. Let her do the talking. When the date is over, she'll have felt like it was the best date she was ever on since she got a chance to tell someone about something that is excitng to her. This will get you past the first date or so until you realize that you can relax around her.
2007-01-28 11:05:23 · answer #3 · answered by J D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the secret is to be a good listener, make small talk, how was your day?...what did you think of the substitute teacher, or whatever..let her do the talking as much as possible, then listen carefully to what she is saying...get to know her by what she thinks and likes..you can then agree with her on almost everything, if you ever get accused of not opening up enough, just say the sound of her voice is like beautiful music to you and you love to hear her talk..if she ever says something you totally get shocked or turned off by and she notices..just say I am surprised you feel that way...instead of agreeing with her...the more you get to know her the more relaxed you will be and the less likely you will be to say the wrong thing. Also remember to compliment her, you look nice tonite..do that 1st..if you are quiet and don't compliment her she won't open up as much.
2007-01-28 11:19:51 · answer #4 · answered by B-Rabbit 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try becoming friends with a girl that you like, but don't want to date. It's a win win way to go. You will get more comfortable being out with a girl alone, you may end up with a great friend, and other girls will become interested. (Us girls want what we can't have.)
I'll tell you something though. Nervousness can be cute. My husband and I met when we were 27. He was a nervous wreck for our first few dates. I thought it was adorable.
2007-01-28 11:07:33 · answer #5 · answered by Wendy B 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Date situations are usually kind of stressful. It is hard to be yourself around someone you like. You should remember that she is human too, and she's probably a little nervous also. Just relax and try to have fun.
2007-01-28 11:02:04 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't get over it. But it's OK because we're all nervous inside. I know I am!
Being friends first usually helps (and if you're not friends first, try to get to know her on that level while you're on the date). After all, romance is really just a very unique friendship.
2007-01-28 11:05:35 · answer #7 · answered by bisous148 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A good way to get over it is to tell her that ur nervous. Then she'll tell u how much its ok and to just be yourself. Then you will actually be yourself this time because she told you to. Also she won't be wondering why your acting weird.....she'll already know because you told her that you get nervous! Good Luck!!!
2007-01-28 11:15:40 · answer #8 · answered by grown n sexy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a similar problem. There's a girl that I really like and every time that I talk to her, I feel like I'm not myself. I do alot of voice impressions, so they come into the picture sometimes. That's just a part of me that whoever decides to get involved with me will have to deal with. Don't worry, you'll do fine. If she really likes you, she won't care if you act like Clark Kent.
2007-01-28 12:40:10 · answer #9 · answered by beatleandacdcman 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keep on trying to relax and you will meet someone who will make you feel more comfortable. This will get better with time.
2007-01-28 11:03:21 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋