i'm a dad to a 7yr old son matt who is my life.i have joint custody with my exwife and we split our time with him 50/50.my question is how much contact(email,phone calls ect) do you have with your ex?the problem is my ex hates my new wife(for no good reason) and which in turns makes my new wife want me to have nothing to do with her except for real emergencies about my son.please i don't want anyone to tell me how to deal with my wife or exwife.
2007-01-28 10:54:37 · 10 answers · asked by bobmarkly78 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I am sorry but I am the 2nd wife to a man who's first wife calls everyday about something...They have a child together but the calls have NOTHING to do with the daughter and seems more like her not willing to let go. She will call from her cell on the way to work and call from her work - call from her house with stuff that has nothing to do with anything. I agree talking about the child but everyday contact with the ex is not needed nor is it healthy for anyone. Yes - speak to your child everyday - call and talk to him or her but speaking to the ex is not needed and can and will hurt your existing relationships. Esp if your ex wife does not like your new wife for you to continue to be an enabler - and by that I mean you are enabling her to continue to control some aspects of your life - to her will cause problems. I would suggest saying to the ex...I will call and talk to Matt but there really is no need for us to communicate daily unless there is an issue and lets both make a promise to keep each other informed in regards to that. Copies of school schedules can be made...ball game schedules and etc..it is not her place to call and tell you every detail as it is not yours to cal her with every detail.
2007-02-01 10:33:09 · answer #1 · answered by Bama Girl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My sister's boyfriend is divorced with a 5 year old son. Him and his ex talk all the time and my sister is not the best of friends with his ex but she's smart enough to know that it's necessary in raising his son. Both parents should check in with eachother every day, and if that's not possible every other day. How else are you going to keep abreast of his progress in school, any behavioural problems, any... anything... unless you talk often! Your new wife has to understand that parenting isn't jsut a weekend job, it's a full time thing, even if you only have joint custody it's easier for everybody to be on the same page ALL THE TIME!
Best of luck to ya dear
2007-01-28 11:46:31 · answer #2 · answered by Gig 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well if you don't want anyone to tell you how to deal with your current wife and your ex-wife, you came to the wrong place because that is what they are going to do.
But, if you split your time with your son 50/50 then you will have to communicate with your ex quite a bit. 7 year olds have a lot going in in their lives and change everyday. The two of you have to talk about appointments, schooling, and general activities. Do what you have to, to take care of Matt. Your current wife should understand that he comes first.
2007-01-28 11:10:21 · answer #3 · answered by LeLe 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I only talk to my ex when I absolutely need to speak to him about the children. (truthfully if it weren't for the kids I would never speak to him again, so I can appreciate your situation) He is not a very involved father other than weekend visits. During the week he NEVER calls or even knows what is going on with them at school or in their lives in general. I simply fill him in on anything major when we make our weekend arrangements. Other than that, no contact which suits me just fine. When we do speak I am always calm and as pleasant as I can be!
Early on into our seperation, I was caught by one of my children saying some negative things about my ex. He asked me why I was saying these things about his father. I felt really horrible and apologized and told him that I was angry and that I was sorry for saying these things, and that it would never happen again.
I held true to what I said to my son. I have never "badmouthed" my ex since that has happened. (Not to say I don't THINK these things, or say them to my new husband when the children are not home - and I make DARN sure they are not around to hear me and my "inner thoughts") Most of the time, I don't waste my energy on this issue. It is simply not worth it!
Like it or not, half of what makes up your children comes from your ex wife. To have them hear anything negative about her would make them wonder if they will turn out the same since she is, after all, their mother. Remember that you were married and that at one point you did see good in her. Whatever that good is, it is inside your son and he is also a part of her.
Maybe your ex can't stand your new wife. That is her choice to be that way, and it is truly a pity. She is putting her feelings above those of her child by acting spiteful. TAKE THE HIGH ROAD ON THIS. You child, when he is an adult, will come to see this for himself and will appreciate you all the more.
If more people took this approach, there wouldn't be so many Dr. Phil and Jerry Springer episodes polluting our TVs.
2007-01-28 11:13:18 · answer #4 · answered by PrincessOfFun35 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
keep it as minimal and only concerns with your son.
You have to communicate with your ex because you guy have a child tog. Keep the conservation brief and only about Matt. That way your new wife would not have any worries or questions why you have a conservation with her.
When you speak to your ex, talk in front of your wife do not walk away and talk in a bathroom. She will question.
2007-01-28 12:08:21 · answer #5 · answered by solitude 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Doesn't it just make you want to scream "Why can't we all just get along?"
Anyhow, my parents divorced when I was 7. They tended to only communicate about things like medical bills, kids sports schedules, and to let each other know when they were taking us out of town. We were also 50/50, spending one month at a time with each parent. Nowadays they correspond only through email, though back in the day (20+ years ago) it was by phone.
When we were staying with my dad my mom would call everyday to talk to us, my dad never called to talk to us when we were staying with our mom. I'm sure caller ID makes it much easier these days to make sure that the kid answers to phone to limit contact further.
Good luck.
2007-01-28 11:14:20 · answer #6 · answered by Heather Y 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the simple answer is......As much contact is necessary to make sure you both agree on how the child is being raised and both are up to date on ALL situations. It will also be better for your son to see that even though his parents are no longer together that each of you respect each other and have a friendly relationship. Just do what you think is best that best serves your son.
2007-01-28 11:25:54 · answer #7 · answered by ccdispatch911 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Matt is not your life if you have a new wife, poor kid. The better you communicate with your ex the better off your son is.
2007-01-29 21:10:36 · answer #8 · answered by olschoolmom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keep it to concerns with your son.You and your ex-wife are the two major people in his life so tread carefully.
2007-01-28 12:33:01 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I NEVER talk to my ex!! However, it IS a good idea to be on the same page parenting!!!!
2007-01-29 12:13:16 · answer #10 · answered by ilovepoison2820 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋