Is there a way to change something about the way someone was brought up? Such as...?

Question

My boyfriend hides his feelings a lot. When he's sad, he doesn't like to show it. And I love him so much, and I'm really the kind of person that likes comforting people. Especially him, I hate seeing him feeling bad about something. I can't tell when he's sad or angry, for the very same reason, because he doesn't show it. He says it's just the way his dad brought him up. He said it's hard for him to show emotions. How can I make him understand that it's healthy to show negative feelings, instead of keeping them stuck within yourself?

Answer 1

Men generally aren't as open about their feelings as females. And it has been shown that it isn't necessarily a good thing to share your negative feelings.

My advice to you is not to hound him. If he wants to tell you he will and if not back off before you lose him.

Answer 2

Some people never change from the are brought up depending on what change is required. Being sad or not showing emotion is being shy in nature. So just tell him it is okay to talk over his feelings and reveal any secrets if he so choose. Tell him you are his friend and will be there for him.

Answer 3

I'm also someone who clams up. My husband of 11 years has been very patient. I have to sort things through a few days before I can discuss what made me sad or made me angry. You won't "change him"...well, you won't in any respect...but be patient. If he's a keeper, you'll learn you are the first one he'll come to when he's ready. And he'll be ready for your comfort then.

Answer 4

Yeah a lot of us guys were brought up that way. And we get grief from our peers if we try and bring out those emotions. He might need to go to a therapist, I know I do.

Answer 5

that is the way alot of us were brought up
i hate to say this, but get him stoned. i never opened up till one night i i smoked with a buddy. the next thing i knew my mouth was running away. after that i realized no one made fun of me, it has been alot easier to open up. my father would have ridiculed me. i guess like so many young men we want our dad to think of us as a man, and talking about feelings to them, is being weak.
conformity can be a bit*h.

Answer 6

Well, how would he like it if he couldnt' tell what you were showing? Get him to at least tell him when he's mad, sad, w/ev, and try to get him to show some look in his eyes or something.
This may take a while for him to show his emotions, if at all

Answer 7

DO THINGS TOGETHER THAT ARE FUN THAT INVOLVE HIM EXPRESSING HIMSELF BY SMILING,LAUGHING, ETC. SEEMS LIKE HE'S CARRYING WITH HIM DEMANDS PUT ON HIM BY HIS DAD OR WHOMEVER. DONT LET HIM DROWN IN SADNESS OF THE PAST. ATTEND SCHOOL WITH HIM AND LET HIM ADD KNOWLEDGE IN SOMETHING HE REALLY WANTS AS A TRADE. THEN MATCH FRIENDS TO YOUR NEW ENDEAVORS. DO SOME SPORTS WITH HIM SWIMMING, BICYCLING, LIVEN HIM UP- - - - HE'S TOO DEAD. TELL HIM TO GET OFF THE PAST AND LIVE NOW, RIGHT NOW ! ! TICKLE THE DAYLIGHTS OUT OF HIM EVERY HOUR OR HALF HOUR FOR A WEEK AND DONT STOP TILL I SAY SO.

Answer 8

Just have to offer support. He will eventually loosen up. Start to notice his actions more. My husband usually starts joking around more when he is stressed out. I can always tell and I finally said something to him once about it and he admitted that is his way of coping with the stress. Now he talks to me about it. I will see that he is in "one of his moods" and ask him.."Hon, what is the problem...what are you upset about...what is stressing you?" and we will talk through it. COMMUNICATION is the key.

Answer 9

You're right he must to show up his negative feelings, and so maybe that's means he's starting lost interesting in you

Answer 10

I can sympathize with your need to comfort your boyfriend; but you cannot change him. You need at accept him the way he is. Even if you find his coping mechanisms less than ideal.