Arguing in a relationship...?

Question

does anyone else find that their relationship seems tainted after arguing?
We all like to believe that we have found "the one" and nothing could ruin it.
After arguing with my boyfriend I feel like I've contaminated our relationship and things will never be the same.
I feel like a failure by arguing because the relationship has proven to be less than perfect.
In this respect I feel like its a painting which a smudge on - a painting you'd just rip up and start again, but you cant do that in a relationship.
How many people out there get the same feeling?

Answer 1

Sometimes it's actually healthy to row.......
i would be more worried if you didn't.....

Answer 2

I see it differently! Arguing can be healthy, depending upon what you're arguing about and how often it occurs!

It certainly doesn't mean the relationship "has proven to be less than perfect" as it shows you're still two individuals with your own opinions, and you argue over things because you're both just being yourselves. There are some relationships where people don't argue because they happen to share exactly the same views on everything; but this is rare.

However, there are many more relationships where arguments don't happen or one person "wins" all the time because the other feels that they have to give in and agree to "keep the peace" or because they're afraid of losing them - in other words, they're not being themselves. In this respect, the relationship is tainted.

At least you're both comfortable enough with each other to express yourselves! However, you shouldn't be having arguments or petty squabbles all the time unless you're addicted to the "making up" afterwards! Some people thrive off the drama and will constantly pick a row. I would only be concerned if the arguments are more frequent and the making up is harder, or you simply don't make up as you're both too angry, which in turn leads to more disagreements.

If they're infrequent, don't agonise over the arguments or dwell on them. If you and your boyfriend have made up, concentrate on your relationship instead of torturing yourself with what was said and done.

Answer 3

Relationships aren't perfect. We've all had this idea (especially us women) eversince we were little girls that one day we will find the one, the perfect man who will know exactly what to say and exactly what to do to make us blissfully happy and that there will never be fights or misunderstandings and that everything will run smoothly and we'll live happily ever after. Well that's a myth. It's never like that in real life. In any rellationship, however "perfect", you have to work. Both of you. There will be times when you argue, words will be said and things will be done on either side, that will hurt you or him. But it doesn't mean the relationship is compromised. You have to be able to listen to and understand eachother and to talk through any problems you might come across. Learn to "argue" in a constructive way, and don't let it get too emotional. Good luck and try to always enjoy the good times.

Answer 4

Arguments are healthy but not the non-stop ones. As long as there is respect from both sides, there is no risk on the relationship. How often? depends different people will prefer different cycles ;) The maximum I think is couple or three times a week, anything more than that will lead to a cold relationship, and that's not what we want right ;)

Answer 5

Arguing is natural in a relationship. Even if you think you are in the most perfect relationship, you will have at least a couple of arguments. If the person that you are with makes you feel badly about yourself, then that is a problem. But if you are just disagreeing about something, it is not the end of the world. It happens ... eventually one person will apologize and you will move on.

Answer 6

I can relate to how you feel, but I always remember what my grandmother told me: that keeping bad things inside is one of the worst things you can do in a relationship. That always made sense to me. Better to get it out in an argument than have it eat you up. You do realise, I hope, that there's no such thing as the 'perfect' relationship. Just because you argue sometimes, it doesn't mean he's not 'the one' for you. Part of a good relationship is the ability for you both to work out your differences.

Answer 7

Arguing is a part of any healthy relationship. The trick is to argue fairly. You haven't tainted your relationship you just made it more real. As long as you both keep your trust and respect for each other you will both be fine.

Answer 8

yes! i totally know what you mean. but the way i like to think about it, is if youve fought made up and got through it, ur a step further into the relationship, and know a little more bout each other. its a lesson learnt etc etc. so rather than a smudge on a painting, its a variation of simply a new beautiful colour. xxx

Answer 9

Forget it, forgive each other and move on. Just because you've argued, doesn't mean the relationship is damaged. You've just struggled to understand each other's point of view for a short time.

Don't be so hard on yourself. Nobody has the perfect relationship - however it may appear.

Answer 10

Hey there,
I understand how you feel ma'am!
Me and my gf (ex gf now) just went thro that problem, she broke up with me the other day, every since then i been drinking really hard.

What you should do is pray to God an see what he has got to say about it...

Save yourself, the antchrist is near, look at the world!
Look a Bush! Bible says the anti christ will rise where George bush is having a war at... George bush is trying to make peace and when that does happins the Antichrist will rise JUST LIKE THE BIBLE SAYS!

Give yourself to Jesus and save yourself!

Answer 11

in the last two years of my relationship i have had many arguments with my partner but once we have spoken and cleared yhe air we have become stronger because wee have learnt more about each other everybody has differences thats what makes all unique , we are learning to grow togethr and strenghten our relationship because we know together we can overcome any obstacles thrown at us xx