Is this mean of me?

Question

My kid has tried lying several times over the years. I have tried so many punishments. Finally I just did want I didn't want to. When she woke up this morning I told her we were going swimming tonight with friends. She looked forward to it for hours. Then i told her to get her stuff and she came all ready and I told her that I lied to show her how that wrecks relationships and trust. She is very upset and crying in bed. I feel mean... but if it works.. then it is worth it. In my defensive when I lied my parents washed my mouth out with soap and made me sit by the sink for 10 mintues with soap in my mouth and I wasn't allowed to wash it out... So I did better then my parents.... was I mean?

Answer 1

NO that was most certainly not mean! you've caught her in lies before, and now that you've done this, she understands first hand how hurtful it is sometimes.

and i got my mouth washed out with soap once in my life and after that i never talked back to my parents ever again so that worked, but i would never do that to my kid haha.

i think your punishment was fair!

i hope you don't mind that i laughed at this, i thought the idea was hilarious.

Answer 2

Actually, if she's been lying for this long, you have hit on a very creative way to demonstrate how badly lying will damage relationships and undermine trust.

Tomorrow, when she is calmer, I would take the time to sit down and discuss with her how much her lying has damaged her relationship with you (and any others you are aware of). I would strike a deal with her that you will always be truthful with her and play it straight-as long as she agrees to do the same. If you catch her lying in the future though, you need to have other kinds of discipline lined up to ensure compliance. This is a one trick pony.

Being a parent doesn't mean you always have to be "nice". That's a load of BS and part of the reason some kids are socially unacceptable. I might not necessarily pull this one-but I admire your creativity and your effort to get your child in line.

Answer 3

You just attempted to wreck a relationship and trust - in your own words. You don't like what you did.

Talk about jail. If someone lies in court, they go to jail - its comtempt of court. Watch some court tv, or even judge judy together. It really does start to click in when there are real life consequences and not just little games you play with them :P

And no don't take her swimming now - leave that one alone. Be a good role model, and ALWAYS tell the truth as an example. Don't make an excuse if you are caught speeding, don't say there are 12 buns when you both just counted out 13... Little lies are the same as big lies, and a liar is a liar.

It depends what she is lying about. too. If it is to avoid getting into trouble, that is one thing. If it is lying about everything for no reason, thats another thing.

My daughter brought her gameboy to school, and didn't realize the teacher emailed me to tell me she had brought it [in my house that is a NO NO - too expensive to bring to school]. So I caught her right in it, and I told her she had to earn back my trust. If she said she was going to get a glass of milk, I shadowed her into the kitchen to make sure it wasn't coke. If she said she had no homework, I called her teacher at home to verify [hahahah]. She got the message pretty fast that I can catch her in anything, I'm like the Nancy Drew mom that no one wants. Now she is clean as a whistle, and is the first one to pipe up with the truth. Who wants her mom hanging around her like that?

Answer 4

Ha ha! That's a funny one! A creative parent you are indeed.. Hopefully the trust between you has not been too badly shattered.. but hopefully she will remember this bad feeling next time she has that urge to LIE (especially to you)!

I think the lesson has probably been learned (the hard way), and a nice treat would be to take her swimming (as originally promised) so that there are no lasting hurt feelings from the ordeal.

Again, very creative!

Answer 5

Children have difficulty understanding abstract punishments; i.e.: sit in the corner for hitting a play mate. This was a direct presentation of how lying hurts relationships. But be sure to take her swimming, otherwise she will lose trust in you and follow up with a discussion. Keep your communication open and tell her how her lying makes you feel. If you think that the lying has become a real problem, consider taking her to a counselor if the behavior continues or worsens.

Answer 6

If your kid is lying to you then you should not lie back. Treat her with as much respect as you can, do all you can for her, she is your daughter, you can do what ever you want to her, just dont physicaly or emotionally harm her, respect her privacy and then maybe she will respect the way you think. I hope you get what I'm saying. What you did was mean, but I'm not just sticking up for her, I think she should not lie, but lying to her because she lied to you, that's like killing Saddam for killing others, what is this world coming to? Tell her you're sorry, that you were just trying to show her what it feels like to be lied to, and take her on that trip she was soooo looking forward to. However I admire the fact that you did not treat her as your parents treated you, for all that's evil in the world, shuving soap in someones mouth for their bad behavior, what in the world...?

Answer 7

Creative (and kinda of funny honestly) but maybe risky. She may just feel that if you lied she can too. Children will try to lie from time to time, it's not fun but part of learning. I'm not going to say what you did was "wrong" necessarily but I think the only thing you taught your daughter by that is mistrust in the one person she should be able to trust unfailingly. Make sure you explain to to her when she is in a better mood to listen hopefully tomorrow and in the future try to teach her by example not only in how you relate to her but others in your life.

Answer 8

It seems mean because you love your daughter and it is hard to see her upset. However, I think this was a very creative punishment. It truly shows your daughter how hurtful a lie can be. This is the kind of punishment that only has affect the first time you use it. I wouldn't use it again.

Answer 9

That is really mean, but somehow, i still can't stop laughing. If that is what you felt you needed to do to teach her a lesson, then GOOD FOR YOU!!!! I would probably do something like that if I had to too. I know it feels bad right now, but talk about it tomorrow and make sure she really does understand the lesson behind it. Also, make sure she knows that you did not want to do that to her, but you needed her to understand how it feels to be lied to, and now that she understands, you don't plan on doing it again.... After all, you don't want her to lose her trust in you!!!!

Answer 10

No, i do not think you were mean. trying to teach a child sometimes is difficult so if she had to learn the hard way by getting lied to herself to see if she liked it or not i bet it will stop her lying to you so she can do more things and have less punishments. At least you did not do the soap thing or hit your child that i see to be mean and not right.