I don't want you to think I am evil I just have no connection with my step daughter. I try to be a good step mother I don't spank her she is 10. I am not mean. But I have to be careful there are imes I just wish she was living with her mom. I find myself wanting to ground her to her room so she isn't around. I don't know if I jealous or what. My daughter is 19 and almost out of the house I was pretty much done raising her and now I am back being a mom. I was teen mom so I think I was ready for so me time and thats gone agian . I love my husband but our first year it was no step daughter so maybe I am just a bad person. I don't know but I hate to think Iam a mom for 8 to 10 more years. Iam a mom, maid, and a slave 90% of the time and 10 % a wife 0% me. I had a step mom and she beat us. So I would never do anything like that I just feel bad that I wish she wasn't around. Just wondering if its just me and I m a horrible person or any one else out there like me.
2007-01-28 09:29:55 · 10 answers · asked by T_Ray 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
no you are not a bad person because iam in the same situation as you and i was thinking the same thing about myself. iam 32 just got married may of last year. i have no children and
my husband has a 13 year old daughter and i dont want to
be around her either. i feel cheated since this is my first marriage
and i think that it is not fair that i should have to raise somebody
else kids and i havent even experience my own. she live with
her mother but i have to see her every weekend along
with her two sister who is not my husbands kids but he
raised them when he was married to her mother. i was
thinking two if i was jealous because because he already
has a child and i dont and iam his wife. i dont want her
moving into my home when we buy our in march of this
year. if i had a 19 year old son im pretty sure my husband
would not want him to move in with us. but i knew my
husband had a daughter when i married him so that
something iam going to have to deal with because i love him
but i will not be her step mother and help him raise her
when she already has a mom i keep my distance away
from. she is cool but i am not having any problems with her
either.
2007-01-28 15:17:36 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow what a dear person you are really do you think your step parent would even think of asking for help here.
I have much experience with step stuff and also kids,brag brag my best-est friend is my 21 yr old daughter and my suggestion to you hun is simple you are only elected to whatever you want to be or do, and if it was me I would try being her friend and get help from her dad in that he would need to understand heck with the dishes when they are all dirty someone will all the sudden get a total makeover with her responsibility, now you can take this in an unbelievable amount of way here but the message will be very clear and believe me you cant imagine what will happen to your relationship with your step, I had the whole ship step mom dad sis bro, not to mention all the regular and mostly I learned what not to do witch is alienate someone you don't want to,if ya get me drift. you can message me I would love to help out here, all you have to do is allow her to and you can be the daughter if ya want,ha-ha, I would surely explain further if ya like, good luck I wish I had more kids to raise me it was the most fun I have ever had, would not trade a second of it.
2007-01-28 10:20:13 · answer #2 · answered by chris77 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you are not a 'bad' person, it must be quite daunting to have to start all over again especially as your step-daughter is already 10 years old.
Perhaps your husband doesn't realise that this a strain for you, you need his support, he could perhaps take his daughter out for a while at the wk-end & give you some 'you time' to do whatever you please.
Also maybe your older daughter might help by looking after the younger one once a month so you and your hubby can have some quality time together.
2007-01-28 09:43:09 · answer #3 · answered by shortstuff 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree, this is definitely NOT a stepparent issue. This is an adult that is 25 yrs old that got himself into financial trouble and needs to find a way to get himself OUT of financial trouble. I'm 25 yrs old. I'm going through financial trouble. I'm not moving in with my parents. I'm married, I have a baby and I have responsibilities to my family. I have talked to my mother about my issues, but I have never leaned on her for to come to my aid. And that's just what this is.... I don't think he should move in with you and your husband. I think it's a VERY bad idea. Your stepson will just take and take and take. Until you guys end up having to kick him out. I truly hope it doesn't ever get to that point....but obviously this is something you and your husband need to discuss...IN DETAIL! If you're going to set rules, make the kid sign a contract or something. Make him pay $100 a week or something. Anything to show that he's willing to compromise and work with you guys. If he doesn't...there's the door! I wish you guys the very best!! This is NOT going to be easy for you or your husband.
2016-03-15 01:30:06 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well steps kids come part and parcel hun, i too had the same kind of issue, but i slowly bonded with them and we got on great, don't send her to her room, take her out, play games with her, read to her, interact with her, do girly things with her, she is looking for a female figure in her life and that's a;ll she wants,her mother is not there, so she must be thinking about that, and there's an ice atmosphere between you both, that's not good.... she is prolly unhappy because mummy and daddy are not together any more and she may be finding it difficult to adapt, she's only a child, she needs love, she's only 10 don't forget, if this continues then you have to consider your marriage to this her father because this could affect it in a big way, spend more time with her, i bet she is not Happy either, so imagine how she's feeling, try and talk to her more about her feelings, you have to make Friends with this girl otherwise your marriage will not survive,.
2007-01-28 09:44:38 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok, here goes! I too, am a step-mom of 3 boys and 1 girl, +2 girls of my own, so that made 6 children in the dynamics. We had mine and his but no ours. With that said the children came into my life at age 10/10/12/14. The 14 yr old was my step-daughter. Step-families are tricky enough as it is because naturally, the children no matter what their adolescence age is, will for the most part want their parents back together.
She is acting out for you because she knows you are not her mother and that if you come down hard on her, it will be a thorn between you and your husband (her father), and that's exactly what she wants. Take it from someone who knows. Thank God my step-children are all grown adults now. Only two tried "things" on me, some hysterically funny, some not. Unless you and Dad (your husband) get on the same parenting page together, you will continue to have issues with your step-daughter. We implentmented the "two yes'es, one no", which I had always had with my children, into our step-family so that the children could not play us against each other as step-parents. My husband also made it very clear to his children (whom I love with all my heart), that he had two rules: Rule #1: Don't mess with my woman. Rule #2: If you forget, remember rule #1. In other words, he was putting them on notice that they were expected to give me respect, as my children were also to respect him.
Ok..now, your child is grown and you want a life of your own. I understand that too. My children "aged out" first too. Both of mine did before three of his did. You just need again, to have open communication with your husband and let him know that you had always expected to start your career/life goals when your child reached adulthood. This is your time now. If he doesn't understand that, then you need to find a way that he can understand it. Ask him how he would like to stay home and leave his career to take care of your child if the role was reversed. If your situation was like mine, my children didn't have another "family" to go to if they didn't like my house. Your step-daughter does, even though it may not be a choice. You have earned that right of spreading your career wings, but don't forget your husband. You married him, not his children. They will be in your life, but not in your marital relationship. Make sense?
2007-01-28 09:58:29 · answer #6 · answered by faith4ricknlisa 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think your stressed. I dont think your a bad mom. I am also a step mom. My step daughter has a very different personality than my children and she is quite difficult. I have felt your pain and sympathize. Just try to stay patient i know it can damage not only your relationship with her but it is really hard on the marriage.
2007-01-28 09:57:24 · answer #7 · answered by troys_wifey2003 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no you are not a bed person, its very hard to be a step parent, my partner tried taking on my son, now they havent spoken for 3 years!!! they cant stand the sight of each other and i am in the middle, well its that bad my partner has moved away, so please dont let it get as bad as i did.....
2007-01-28 09:41:55 · answer #8 · answered by ann_jacques 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well i must be a bad mum too cause i have a 16 yr old step son who doesnt get any discipline from his father and when i try to pull him into line he treats me with utter disrespect. Hes allowed to do wat ever he wants and i cant have that cause i have 2 children myself.
2007-01-28 11:36:28 · answer #9 · answered by wildpalomino 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you are not a bad person
2007-01-28 09:34:50 · answer #10 · answered by Michael L 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋