So I am with this guy that I love, I am pregnant, he is the father. He doesn't want kids. He lied and said that he did when I got pregnant. Now all he does is lay around the house all day and acts like he is sick. I am scared to death of being a single mom. He ignores me too, last night I put on some lingere and tried giving him a nice evening, he acted like he was sick until I went out to the couch, then he was better (imagine that) I want him to be the man he was when I first met him, and I am not getting an abortion. This is a miracle child (I wasn't supposed to be able to get prego) and I am keeping it. He said he was going to propose to me the other day and then he figured out I was keeping the kid. I think he is afraid to leave because he knows he will have to pay child support. He doesn't want a kid because he wants to travel and do other thigns first...what do I do?! Please help! (he said he wanted a baby so we planned this) WHAT can I say to him that would make him think??
2007-01-28 08:41:29 · 34 answers · asked by J B 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I don't know how old you are but you can't make someone be something that they are not. You have to put the baby's best interest first. Remember he/she will not get a say in your decision that will affect the rest of their life.
IF he doesn't come around and will make life hard on you and the baby then you have to ask yourself if you are equipped mentally to step up to the plate and be a single Mom. There are many programs that will help you if you choose to keep the baby.
Abortion should never be a answer, life is precious. Adoption should only be an answer if you are unstable mentally. If you are mentally stable it is always best for a child to be raised by the natural parents. Financially, yea it'll be hard, but where there is a will there is always a way.
When a Mother gives birth natural instinct will usually kick right in so long as you are mentally stable. You will do any thing for your child.
I hope the best for you. Pray to your heavenly father. Children are gifts from him.
2007-01-28 09:07:08 · answer #1 · answered by Kathryn G 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Here's the simple truth. You make all the decisions here. Best thing to do is... Break the TV, then he can't watch TV and lay around all day.
Next thing to do is. Be straight forward with him, say that you are keeping the baby and if he wants to travel, it's still possible, all he needs to do is man up!, make some money, then you both can travel. Get pass ports and hit the air port. You can travel the back packers life real cheap and see the world together. Heck you have 8 months that you could see the world together.
If he's the guy you want, just reassure him, that life has just began, and it's not over for him. Tell him the fun has just started.
If you take all the stress away, then he has no excuses. Sit down with him and make a plan.
Tell him the 10 reasons he should stay with you and how good it will be.
Then tell him more than 10 reasons that life will be rotten for the next 18 years if he decides to chicken out on you.
2007-01-28 08:57:02 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, first of all, take a seat and give a listen for a while. Mazoltov on the "miracle baby" first of all! Second, and fairly important, you're not going to like this one bit. This guy (and I've run into lots of guys like him all over the U.S and parts of the world too!) is really wanting one thing: What HE wants and nothing else! Let me explain please. You aren't going to "loose" this baby(good for you by the way) just because he doesn't want kids. Hence, his supposed "illnesses" and loafing around the house. Give him one solid choice to make: Either get a job and support the three of us(him, you and the baby), or get out and prepare to pay child support until the baby is either 18 years old or graduated college(depending on what state you live in). FYI: In most states, failure to pay child support WILL result in a prison term or two! Throw that and the fact that most of those guys in prison get a little lonely(and that guys can't get pregnant!) and he's got that pouty face look that somebody (or 2 or 5 or an even 2 dozen!) in prison might like, and he'll more than likely move his a$$ and do something beneficial for the two of you! Again, Mazoltov sweetie!
2007-01-28 08:55:01 · answer #3 · answered by mangamaniaciam 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How old are you? Guys will say they want you to have their baby and to marry you just to have their way with you. Of course, he didn't want a kid that means responsibility and from his actions he is telling you he doesn't want to be responsible. He did not just become a bum over night the signs were there you just ignored them and now you have to bring a child into this dis function. Hopefully you will make a really good decision for the child, I agree with you about the abortion so maybe you can put the baby up for adoption, which I think would be hard. Just remember you are not the first single mom and you won't be the last. You can do it but if he doesn't step up to the plate I would let him go because if not you will have years and years of regret.
2007-01-28 08:52:19 · answer #4 · answered by Pegi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can remind him that he wanted a baby! This is what you had planned, right? You go reinforce that!
You should approach him about it. It might not be something about you getting pregnant; there could be something else wrong. It doesn't seem likely but it's a possibility.
You definately have to talk to him about this. If you feel comfortable having sex with each other you should be able to address concerns like this one.
When he's sitting down watching tele or something, approach him and sit down beside him. Ask him if he's okay. Tell him that you feel he hasn't been himself lately. If he is reclusive and shrugs it off, or tries to change the topic, then I should think that something isn't right. See if he is fidgety or uncomfortable. I'm not sure what you can do if this is the case.. you could leave it for a bit and give him some space then see where that goes, or you could pressure him into telling you what is up! Maybe someone else can give some advice on that.
If he does tell you something, then obviously you can talk about it and hopefully get things ironed out. Remember, you're not here to argue - you're here to sort things out. It's important to remember that. Be calm, stay cool.
Good luck!
MaybeLater_x
2007-01-28 08:50:35 · answer #5 · answered by Deconstitutionalization 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am a single mom of 4 kids it is scary sometimes, but it can all work out. If you stay you may begin to resent him and then things will end up worse. I thought I had the love of my life with my first child and it ended up that it was not. Let him know if you plan to stay this way then you will need to find someone that is willing to pay attention to you and give you all the love and support that you need. Men will date pregnant women. Do what is best for you and the baby.
2007-01-28 08:48:29 · answer #6 · answered by surfawave 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look first of all it seems like you wanted to get prenant because you said you couldnt, well even if you didnt God send you a baby for a reason, everything has a purpose. Sorry to hear about your boyfriend . Look you cant force anyone to be with you or to support you to something so special liek becoming a mom but lean on to your friends and family they are great help. Dont make him walk over you, value yourself and earn your respect. Hes problably having mixed emotions. A baby is a huge change and if he says he doesnt want him lets see what he says when its born. If you want the baby there is no reason for adoption. I know your scared to be a single mom but its not like your the only one. Good Luck
2007-01-28 09:01:27 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is being very immature about the whole thing. Yes it's scary when your young but the guy has to be there for you. Here you are trying to be sexy and he doesn't want to have anything to do with you? What a jerk! Married or not married he is still going to have to pay for child support. It's both of your child not just one of yours.
Far as it sounds he is just putting open a show with that whole being sick thing. If he really cared he wouldn't act that way. He has to be tough like a real man and take some action to the situation instead of being a jerk about the whole thing.
He needs to be there for you.
MJ
2007-01-28 08:52:46 · answer #8 · answered by Mr. Jeff - It is what it is ☺ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ex post facto; Its easier to change a condom than a diaper. Miracle shmiracle if you can't give a child the upbringing they deserve ( and sorry but it sounds like you two shouldn't get a dog) then adoption is the only fair thing to do. This isn't some catalyst that will miraculously bring you two closer. This is a human life.
2007-01-28 08:54:33 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him, "You are a lazy, scum sucking loser that wouldn't know how to handle responsibility if it bit you on the butt. Go get a job, quit laying around the house while letting someone else take care of your responsiblities and dont expect welfare to raise your little mistakes. The taxpayers did not get you pregnant and didnt plan your lack of responsibility, why should they pay for it."
Then kick his lazy butt out. Don't settle for anything less from any man. They want you, then they need to support you 100%
2007-01-28 08:48:50 · answer #10 · answered by ll m 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋