Do you think signifigant others should take part in others recovery from addiction, (ie going to meetings)?

Question

My girlfriend wants me to goto meetings with her, and I don't want to, am I a jerk? I am really happy that she is doing it, but I have no problems of that kind.

Answer 1

Going to meetings with an additive personality is not supporting them. It could be a way for them to continue their need (dependence) on another person or thing. It isn't that you are saying you don't care about her, or that you aren't delighted in her recovery process, etc. Meetings are for the individual to express themselves and their past behaviours in a supportive environment, to share with others who have been there, and to learn from each other. You would not benefit from other's problems, unless you, also, were an addict; then, by all means, go. And if you are in a lasting relationship with her, attending your own al-anon type meeting would be a great way to be supportive, but in a way that is beneficial to you.
When being in treatment in a rehab center, the first month(depending on treatment center) rule is that no relatives are to visit; this is so that the person can concentrate on their own recovery, not the relationship or outside issues. This rule also applies to meetings, if someone is honest in wanting recovery; it is not like going to a dance, or somewhere where we need a partner. Concentrating on saying what needs to be said can be difficult if your loved one is sitting there, listening. There are steps in these programs for this, but it is to be done outside of the meeting room, not in the meeting itself.
As a wife, and as a mother of an addict, I most certainly wanted to be a part of the recovery, because of the love. But, because of the love, I knew that this was their own path to follow. If not an addict, I would not have been allowed to participate, only to listen. What could I have done to help them; I would have been more of a hindrance to their honesty. My son only asked me to drop him off at meetings if they were beyond his travel abilities. He would have been highly offended if I tried to cross that boundary of "what is said here, stays here."

Good luck. Show her you care of course, but don't think she will make it or not make it depending on your actions/choices; this is all about her and her choices/actions. And if she can't allow you your freedom for choices, it is a sign that she needs to attend more meetings to get her priorities in line. Sobriety first, relationships second. Suggest she speak with her sponsor about this for clarification.

Answer 2

yes, you are. i'm sorry, but that's the way i feel.

do you love her? do you want to support her? she's reaching out and asking for help and you're saying no. that's mean, cruel and tells her you don't care about her or her wellbeing.

don't go for you, go for her. suck it up and help her.

Answer 3

You should want to help her...or you may need to reevaluate your relationship.