I live with my boyfriend since four years, and we get along well in almost everything except sex. I know he immensely cares about me and treats me kindly. We spend good times, socializing and doing many other things together, yet he avoids sex, with no health reasons. He refuses to talk about it though I tried many times to bring about this subject, then I gave up trying. I am confused because our sexual relation was wonderful in the first year, then it started to deteriorate, from his side only, and the last year it was almost non existent.
Lately I was physically attracted to another man, with whom I only, secretely, share sex , every now and then. I know this other relation is a passing one, and its only fulfill a physical need.
but I need
2007-01-28 08:33:49 · 56 answers · asked by Joe J 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Answer for number 1, YES. If you love him and he loves you, get counseling, if he refuses, then you need to move on. But cheating by any standards is wrong.
2007-01-28 08:37:31 · answer #1 · answered by Common Sense 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to work this out with your boyfriend as opposed to looking for someone to "fulfil your physical needs". It's too important an issue to be ignored.
There are two ways to look at this:
1) You talk about how wonderful your sexual relationship was in the first year. You simply don't go from enjoying an intense sex life to practically nothing so believe me, if you're missing it, he will be too. If there are no health reasons, there must be a psychological reason as to why he avoids sex. He may be depressed or very stressed out. You need to insist that you work it out together. Intimacy isn't the be-all and end-all but it's a huge part of a relationship; it's unreasonable for him to expect you to maintain things without it.
2) This may sound awful, and I think it's less likely, but maybe he doesn't find you sexually attractive anymore, and isn't sure what to do, or he could even be having an affair? You say you have lots of good times together...you could be describing a friend, not a boyfriend.
It isn't fair on either of you to continue this way, so please don't accuse him of anything but insist that you tackle this issue together. Don't continue to ignore it.
2007-01-28 10:18:27 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think 'unethical' is the wrong word. 'Cheating' is the right
one. But I was in the same boat as you so I know where
you,re coming from. Difference being we have been married
for nearly 20 years.
You have only been attracted to someone else because your
needs are being neglected. If this is the only problem in the
relationship then you must MAKE him talk to you. He has got
to know the seriousness of the situation. If he is not prepared
to do anything about it - move on. Because he will never change. Unless he is frightened of losing you.
But please - give this other man up. You will be eaten up
with guilt eventually. Then there are three people hurting.
(I do hope this other man isn,t married either!)
2007-02-04 22:07:07 · answer #3 · answered by Minxy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well having sex with other people is not going to help your relationship. Your first priority should be to fix your relationship, by whatever means necessary. Find out what his problem is and whether it is fixable or not. It could be anything minor or major. If he point blank refuses to discuss it than you can not fix it. Assuming it is fixable). That may be the point to move on, you would have no choice. But make a final effort at discussing this with your boyfriend, tell him what is at stake if it is not dealt with and at least know you did your best. Try to be honest and ask for his honesty in return (regardless of what that honesty may entail). If that fails than it is time for a new start.
2007-02-02 04:49:56 · answer #4 · answered by justme 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your boyfriend was having sex with you in the first year. You need to find out why he has stopped. I can only think of three reasons.
1) Medical problems.
2) He's having sex with somebody else.
3) He has discovered that he's Gay.
P.S: If you are helping to pay the bills, that maybe the reason he don't want to completely break off the relationship.
2007-01-28 08:43:58 · answer #5 · answered by Daddy Big Dawg 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If u need sex that bad endur relationship and go with someone else. If u love him , stay, and try to figure out if theres a deep meaning towhy he doesnt want to have sex. Theres a reason that should be resolved. Either that or you could force him. Tell him important ur need is and hopefully he'll understand. I don't know what to say about the other "relationship", so good luck. Hope i helped.
2007-01-28 08:40:06 · answer #6 · answered by caring black guy 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes, it's unethical. If it's ethical, you wouldn't have any trouble telling your current boyfriend. It's also unethical to live with your boyfriend and have sex with him outside marriage. There are too many people having sex with people they never intend to have a life with, and bringing children into the world whose lives are injured by the stupid choices their parents make. Give yourself and your future children a chance by becoming a person of high moral character and strength so you can be happy and give your children someone to look up to.
2007-01-28 09:18:23 · answer #7 · answered by Idle Chitchat 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not good sweetie. You're going to end up hurt and without either of them in the long run. Been there done that. If you want out of one relationship, don't go to another thinking that will solve the problem. Be okay with being single so you can be open up for the right man that wants to have sex with you as well as help you blow your nose when you're sick and watch tv with you.
Best,
Feather Ives
Author & Publisher
www.TheBetterEx-Boyfriend.com
2007-01-28 08:38:16 · answer #8 · answered by featherives 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't say unethical I would say immoral Break of one relationship before you star another. A partner ship should be more than just sex maybe you should talk to your partner to see if there is an emotional problem (could be depressed lacking confidence)
Maybe your just want to move on or have an affair and are blaming your partner for not having a sex drive.
2007-01-28 08:40:00 · answer #9 · answered by Tatty Ted 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It is wrong to be cheating on your partner but then your partner is being very wicked by not giving you sex and then not explaining himself. I think you need to split with your boyfriend. He isn't being kindly and basically he doesn't give a poo if you are blaming yourself or being forced into an immoral situation. No matter how good the rest of it is, he is not worth it. Why should you be forced into being a two-timer. Why should you be forced to be without sexual love?
2007-01-28 08:39:47 · answer #10 · answered by AUNTY EM 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your boyfriend isn't willing to have sex with you, then what is the point of staying in the relationship? I find his behavior most odd. I understand that you have to fulfill a need and i don't fault you for this. But on the other hand, by staying in a sexless relationship, your holding yourself back.
2007-01-28 08:42:43 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋