Should i confront my mother or not?

Question

i came from a horrible childhood full of verbal anbd physical abuse and now that im older i have deep repressed anger towards my parents for not taking care of me and being such horrible parents. what should i do?

Answer 1

You should leave it behind and move on, confroting them about it will not make you feel better, but let them see that you have risen above it and them.

Answer 2

You should e-mail me. Seriously. I have never said this to anyone on Yahoo Answers (don't even think my info. is available), but I am in the exact same place right now. I came from a VERY emotionally and verbally abusive family, and now that I'm older, I have some serious sadness and resentment and anger about it. I feel like no one took care of me, like although I had parents, I was orphaned, like at many times I was the parent when they should have been protecting me, not scarring me. This is a hard thing to deal with. The real answer is probably to talk to them about it, tell them about your anger; I haven't been strong enough to do that. (A part of me feels it wouldn't make any difference, although I know it would probably help me.) Anyway, e-mail me at thegirlwantstoknow@yahoo, if you want. But yes, if you can do it, do confront your mom. I'm sure you'll feel so much better.

Answer 3

1st, have you had any counseling ? if so, what has your counselor suggested? 2nd how is your relationship w/your parents now? if you have a pretty good relationship with 'em now, i would strongly consider "not" confronting them, at least not right now. I would try the "letters from hell" approach first. This is a technique often used to help eliminate (or lessen) anger, animosity, jealousy, envy, depression, etc. caused by abuse, neglect, abandonment, witnessing violence, etc. This involves you writting everything you think, feel, have felt, thought, dreamed etc.....everything, even things you wouldn't say outloud if you did talk to your parents in person ...put it all down...this takes a lil' time, but it is worth it...take as long as you need to get it all down...you'll find the more you write, the less angry you'll be (at first you'll probably be seething) .....when you find you have no more to write....take the "letters" & burn 'em...signifying freeing yourself of everything contained in those letters. *be sure you write them as if you were going to mail 'em...example: "dear mom".... ^
If you really don't care about having a relationship with your parents whatsoever, then you have nothing to loose by just letting it all hang out in a confrontation.
Choose carefully though, b/c you could do more damage to yourself in the long run. & Once you have calmed yourself some thru writting, you are likely to be in a place where you could talk with your mom & find out things from her that your anger would have prevented you from hearing before.

Answer 4

I went through the same thing. So dont feel like you are the only one. I didnt want to EVER talk to my mom again. She was in a very bad marrige and I didnt want to be apart of that anymore.
so I moved out when I barley turned 18. I didnt talk to her for about 1 year. She finally moved out of the bad marriage and moved in with her parents.
So I got enough curage and started talking to her again. She is being the mother that she should of been so long ago.
I;m not sayinig that you have the same situation I had while growing up but there comes a time when you have to forgive and forget...Know what I mean?
you have one mother so why dwell on all the things that she didnt do while you were growing up..

I hope all this helps and you and your mother can get along again......It will be hard but you can do it:)

Answer 5

I'm going to answer you from personal experience. First understand your mother had problems and the abuse you suffered was the result of HER problems and did not have anything to do with you. You were not treated that way because you aren't valuable or because you are unlovable... Only because she had problems. Hopefully you will understand one day that she did the best she could do AT THAT TIME . In otherwords she did the best a screwed up person with her problems could have done. Meanwhile... you are left with a lot of ugly luggage, right? Try writing a letter (that you ARE NOT) going to give them and express all your anger and emothions in it and say everything you want to say. Then go outside and burn it and let it go.
Sometimes in life we are what we are BECAUSE of our past. And sometimes we are what we are IN SPITE OF our past. Hopefully you will be the second one. You can be a victim or a survivor. Choose survivor. And tell yourself every day you are a valuable worthwhile person worthy and deserving of love and all good things.

Answer 6

What is done is done. You have grown up to be a mature adult. I am not saying forget the past but dont dwell on those horrid thoughts. Calmly talk to your parents about how their abuse affected you but then also end the conversation with something like "but I survived it all and am stronger because of your irresponsible actions". That way they wont be so let down but they wont be off the hook either. They will have feelings of guilt but that statement will water it down. In short, when confronting be very euphamistic but honest. It is not easy but you survived all this so I think you should be able to do it.

Answer 7

What do you want to do fight ?? Why don't you just grow up and stop playing, the blame game. Take some responsibility for yourself. Whining adult children looking for someone to take the blame for their misdeeds. I for one am sick and tired of hearing it. Try counting your blessings and move out into the adult world and make something of yourself and quit wallowing around looking for an Axe to grind.
You wanted to know what you should do, well that's it.
Now if confronting your Mother is going to help,then do it, but I fail to see what the good of that would be. I am glad that in spite of whatever, I have always honered my Mother so that when she was buried I had no regrets for having been ugly & spiteful to her.I loved with all my heart the woman that gave birth to me and did the best she could with what she had at the time. I was not always the easiest for her to deal with either. God knows the whole story and someday we too shall know.~~~~~~~~Jill

Answer 8

Get over it by talking to a head doctor. Confronting your mother about how she treated you in the past may feel good, but it won't really solve anything. I don't know what you mean by physical abuse, since the way I was punished when I was younger would be called abuse today (but I don't consider myself an abused kid).

Answer 9

I'm a advocate of confronting them. If you can't muster the courage to verbally express your feelings, try writing them a letter. At best, if you put things on paper, you'll have a map to intelligently share your thoughts without losing your focus when talking to them.

If you still feel like you need a release try to find a way of releasing your frustration either through physical fitness activities like kick boxing

Answer 10

You need to release that anger one way or another. You may be able to do so by talking to something you designate as your parents, maybe a pillow, and even hitting it. If you really need to, you can sit down and tell your parents how you feel, but I have two cautions about that: take someone with you for safety; and don't expect it to change anything.

Answer 11

My father was abusive to me now. He's great to me now. If your parents treat you differently now that you're older....let it go. They know what they've done to you but nothing will get accomplished by talking about it...even though I know it hurts you. Just know that you turned out great....despite what was done to you. You can stop the violence by not treating any of your kids/family how you were treated....and know that you made the difference. The violence from your past will always be a part of you but you can't change it by confronting your parents now. Try to let it go...as difficult as it may be.