How can I get people to stop judging me?

Question

I am nineteen years old, married, and 37 weeks pregnant with my first child. People say some of the rudest, most hurtful things to me. An older man asked me if my parents had disowned me yet, then said if I was his daughter he would have. A lady who lives next door to me "mumbled" (loud enough that i could hear, of course) that i ought to be ashamed of myself for not doing the kind thing for my baby and ending the pregnancy. Many other people sneer, say ugly things, and in general judge my worthiness as a parent. They don't even know me or my husband! why do people say such things? Will they ever stop?
p.s. I have a full-time job, as does my husband, and we are doing well financially. Ive been working with children since I was old enough to volunteer at children's camps and daycares (13 in Arkansas. ) and i think i have as much, if not more, experience with kids than alot of older parents!

Answer 1

I was in your exact position. I was 19 years old and married when I had my daughter. But I happen to look young for my age and would get all kinds of comments. One lady took one look at me and said "Aw, its so tough being a single mom these days. You highschool girls should be more careful!" She couldnt have been more wrong!! My mother in law suggested we consider our other "options" which made me want to puke, and my parents hated my husband at the time so bad that they told us we could live in a dumpster for all they cared. I had a very difficult and sick pregnancy, but my husband and I WANTED our daughter. She wasnt "planned", sure, but that didnt mean we werent ready. I cried and got screamed at every day. I was throwing up all the time, and had to eat every 2 hours or I would get sick. My boss called me a wuss and told me to suck it up.

Let me tell you, hang in there. Things CAN get better. Once our daughter was born, our entire world changed. Our families saw how beautiful and healthy she was, and what a great job we are doing with her. People may always assume the worst if they want, but oh well. You will prove them wrong! I personally think that age has nothing to do with parenting skills, and that there are some women twice our age who are half the parents we are. Good luck sweetie, hang in there. Once your angel is here, even if people keep up the rudeness, you wont care. They outshine anything that anybody could say! My daughter is now 2 years old and we are constantly complimented on how happy, loveable, smart, and easy-going she is. I tell people that You get what you give, and that is what we give our daughter is happiness and love. I'm a stay at home mom, and my husband only works 4 days a week, so she gets lots of attention and learning. If you ever wanna chat to someone who has been there, IM me at [e-mail] Also, if you wanna see our little girl, its at www.myspace.com/rachelemonique Watch the slideshow, it will make you excited about being a mom. Take care! :)

PS, i think that times are changing. The vast majority of my highschool class is already married off and having children and we are only 21-22. I think that people who have children think that no one else can do as good a job as they did, especially if you are younger. Or, they may be jealous of the possibility that you are doing BETTER than them. Some people just HATE the concept of other people being happy, like they have exclusive rights to the emotion. I'm personally glad that we started young, because then we will also be done young too, and can enjoy life with grown children and grandchildren while we are only in our 40s.

Answer 2

I agree with everything you're saying besides for the part about having more experience with kids then older parents. That part wasn't necessary in my opinion and working in a camp is completely different then having your own baby. One is a job where you can go home the other is a 24-7 job that doesn't end. It's the most exhausting and rewarding thing in the world. As far as people judging there isn't anything you can do. I'm 24, married with two kids, and I get judged as well. Mostly it's by people who think I look like I'm too young to be a mother. I ignore it and you should as well. Worrying about it won't change them or help you. Best of luck becoming a mommy.

Answer 3

I was pregnant with my first child, married and 24 years old. Then my hubby lost his job.
I look very young, always have-- and so people assumed I was about 16 at that time.
I would go with my mom to the store and she would pick up the bill to help us out while was husband was job hunting. I had people assume the worst of me (couldn't wear my wedding ring because my hands were swollen).
Oh-- and by this time, I had my Bachelor's degree, so did my hubby and we'd been married a year and a half-- so we did everything "right".
There will always be people out there who make it their business to judge people. If you feel like it, you can confront them sweetly and say "why do you feel that way?" or just realize they are drowning in their own ignorance and walk away.
My beautiful daughter is 15 now and a wonderful girl.
I know you will be great parents-- look forward to the future with your baby.
Hang in there and I wish you all the best!

Answer 4

Somehow when you're pregnant or have an infant, it seems to give some people you know (and many you don't know!) the feeling that they can tell you what they think of you and what they think about your decisions. This happens even if you're thirty, having a 2nd child with your husband the deacon in the church!!! HaHa!! But really, you have to just trust your decisions and make light of their comments. Do not take them personally!! If anything, let it prod you to do even BETTER, if only so they can later see that your choices were sound. I especially hated the ones in the grocery stores who think just because you have cute baby, or a skinny baby, or a crying baby, whatever, that they can come up and speak, coo, and touch your infant! It's amazing what people will do and say. I think it's an evolutionary cultural thing relating to childbirth as being an event that everyone should help with. Whatever! But hold your head up, smile and walk away-- Your confidence will shut them up. Good luck!

Answer 5

I'm sorry people are being so rude to you. But the fact is, that your whole life you will be judged for one thing or another. People who pass judgment on other people tend to be hateful, insecure, and unhappy. Hold your head up high and ignore them, or think of some great come-back lines. One thing that usually stops people is asking, "Now why would you say something so hurtful to another human being?" Then leave it at that, don't engage these people in discussions or arguments. Just go about your day and leave them to their own miserable lives. And remember, as you get older, always remember how it made you feel to be judged so you never feel the urge to pass judgment on others yourself. Good Luck and Congrats on your marriage and pregnancy!

Answer 6

People will judge you no matter how your doing financially or how much experience you got with kids. You just gotta learn to deal with the consequences that come with being an early mother. Believe me I know three people going through the same thing you are.

Answer 7

I know it must be infuriating, but just ignore them. I would love to tell them to f**k off for you, but I can't.

Look, my mom was 19 when she had me and everything was fine. Forget them! You sound like you are doing a wonderful job and are going to be a great mom.

Hell, people made comments to me last year when I was pregnant because I have purple streaks in my hair. If someone is rude and opinionated, they will find some way to judge you. They're just bullies and look at it that way.

Answer 8

This might not sound like a good answer, but people are going to judge you, no matter what. The best thing to do,is to realize that you are being judged, and that everyone else feels just as judged for something else. It is easier to just accept it. True friends won't judge you, and neither will your family. If they won't judge you, it doesn't matter wht anyone else thinks.

Answer 9

You can either explain yourself to them. Or just smile and say I am an adult and I am very happy with the decisions I have made. But most importantly you need to learn from the experience and try not to judge others as you have been judged.

Answer 10

I was Nineteen when i got pregnant with my oldest son. He is 6 now, but i remember people giving me nasty looks and judging me. Sadly even after i had my son it continued because i was a young mom. All i can say is prove all those people wrong and show them what a wonderful parent you and your husband can be. Congrats-- and stay tough!!!!