First off, her name is Whitney, so I made each line start with same that lettering. You'll see what I'm talking about. Anyway, do you have any advice on how I could make it better? Thank you!
Without knowing, my mind couldn't help but wonder.
Hoping, praying it was you.
In sweet honesty and truth, my heart was torn asunder.
The chances of it being true...
Never seemed so long; oh how your gorgeous face shone that night.
Eyes full of life, impossible to avert; attracting me further still.
Yearning ensued, for you -- a wondrous spectacle of sight.
2007-01-28 07:39:50 · 13 answers · asked by sg88 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Wow. You are so sweet. :)
2007-01-28 07:43:15 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off the thought of you taking the time to write a poem would "woo" any girl and I think more guys need to be like you but if I were you, I'd title the poem "Whitney" so that she could relate it to what you are trying to do. Honestly, the poem doesn't really make sense, its not really saying anything. Take the time to let her know within the poem how she makes you feel and also mention all the good qualities she has but you need to bring this poem to life. When a guy gives a girl a poem she should be so flatter that she wants to unleash her appreciation upon you. Your poem almost sounds like a bad rap........spice it up a little, search yourself and take your time. A poem has to be meaningful and it must say something. Give it another try-I would love to see the finished product.
2007-01-28 07:51:30 · answer #2 · answered by Pegi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that it's really sweet. I don't think you should edit it, because it's your unique style, it comes from your heart, and editing it might take away some of the emotions you had hoped to convey. I was going to suggest some edits, but then I realized that to do so would be to detract from the poem. Besides, girls are usually flattered enough by the fact that you would write a poem for them that they don't mind any odd quirks or rough areas because of the thought that you put into it. I say go ahead and give it to her!
2007-01-28 07:46:20 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Aww wow thats a really beautiful poem. Whitney´s a lucky girl. Its very sweet, im sure she´ll just love absolutely love it. =))
2007-01-30 05:22:37 · answer #4 · answered by Jaded 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is soo cute! Great poem, I know I would love to get that!! I don't think you need to make it any better because she's is just going to be so thrilled you wrote one to her that I don't think she will be paying too much attention to little problems! But there is no problems really. It's really good and I think you should give it to her just the way it is. It's really creative, she will love it.
2007-01-28 07:44:37 · answer #5 · answered by sparkzxx 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very sweet, I admit! I think it was a smart idea to use her first letter to make a poem. Not to many big words, something short and sweet. Try this..
Winning my heart,
Holding my hand,
I see your beautiful eyes,
Together we land,
Needing each other,
Eyeing each other,
Yet, I want to ask you, do you like me?
You don't have to do this one. It's a plain short and simple poem. ^^;
2007-01-28 07:47:37 · answer #6 · answered by puffyangelx 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's pretty, but all you talk about are her looks, this girl needs to know you care about her as a person, not a picture
2007-01-28 07:48:09 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, I'm impressed, you might need to end it...
Oh Whitney my...........(whatever fits for you)
Lucky girl.
2007-01-28 07:43:07 · answer #8 · answered by Aphrodite 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its good homie , but one thing that will alawys win her over is the fact that u are there for her.
2007-01-28 07:44:25 · answer #9 · answered by Boss 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ya, she will probably like that O_o. nice..
your awesome at poetry. :P
2007-01-28 07:44:47 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
ITS BEAUTIFUL! any girl would be lucky to get a guy like you. don't change it
2007-01-28 07:44:50 · answer #11 · answered by capsimi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋