I'm 26, just purchased my first condo, good job, college educated etc etc..?

Question

And I recently started dating someone, 3 months now, however I didn't realize how much debt he has..When I first met him, the impression he gave me was that he was financially secure and was looking for someone who was the same..little did I know that he has 2 car payments (for an infiniti and a benz) and paying 2 car insurances not to mention 5 maxxed out credit cards. He's recently started asking me to help him pay one of the car payments, insurance and a few credit cards ..what should I do? I feel bad, but at the same time I didn't put him in his situation.. Last month I gave him 200 to put towards his credit card and he got upset and said to me "I know you could afford more, don't you want us to be able to start our lives together" that made me feel really badly especially since I didn't put him in his debt situation. Should I just give him the money or just move on? I feel like I'm being used and don't even realize it.. Any advice would be nice.. thanks :)

Thanks everyone for your responses and I plan on doing just that.. I couldn't understand why anyone in their right mind would want 2 car payments when you're the only one driving, especially on an infiniti and a benz.. I consider that living wayyy beyond your means..

Answer 1

hey girl. ok, you've only been dating this guy for 3 months and he's already asking you to help him out with money?

i think you know better than to give him any more money. this guy is most def using you for the money, esp since he was so ungrateful when you did loan him some money. no way. yall arent married, get out of this relationship. cuz if you stay in it, you'll just lose a lot of money to this fool.

and why's he talking about starting your lives together when you've only been dating for three months? weird.....


edit:: sorry, i realized i used the word "money" like 10 times here. =(

Answer 2

3 months is not a long time. Take advantage of this and cut him loose. He'll just drag you down into a financial quagmire. The daytime judge shows have plenty of cases in which the girl helps out the guy in financial straits. The relationship goes bust, the girl wants payback (meaning cash back!), and the judge can't grant it because it was considered a gift.

If you want to stick together, have him sign something in the lines of a pay-back scheme. (Maybe even get legal advice on what kind of documents you can use.)

If you want to spare yourself the headache, date a responsible guy (if you must date at all). If the relationship goes somewhere, you won't worry about his financial liability.

Better yet, prepare for your future and start investing while you can: IRAs, mutual funds, and any such things that will make you a millionaire when you retire.

As for money already given, consider it gone, and count your blessings (after you dump him). He sounds like a Loser and a User.

Answer 3

I see 2 choices.
#1 Leave the bum; he is just using you and is trying to make you feel guilty about not wasting what you have worked hard to earn on his debt. Money issues are the Number one cause of problems in marriage and if this relationship continues you could be in for some real problems.
#2 Tell him to sell one of the cars and if anything is left after the loan is paid off put it on the credit cards then use what he is saving on payments and insurance to get out of debt. Then wait a few months and review his finances.

Answer 4

Run away!!! Run as far away as you can from him. He knows that if he can guilt trip you into giving him 200 dollars, he'll try to wheedle/guilt trip/demand more money for his credit cards/car payments.

He'll hang onto you as long as you give him money. Sure, you can start a life together, but both your credit ratings will go down the tubes. You'll find it hard to get loans, buy cars/houses, open credit card accounts, etc., if you continue to lend him money or be a cosigner for his loan.

I think if you're here asking this question, you already know the answer. What he needs is help. He'll need a sort of credit counselor or legal help to extricate himself from his debt. You won't help him by feeding his debts. It's just a temporary bandaid that will quickly wear out and break.

Answer 5

LOL - I know at least 6 guys in exactly the same position as you with the women they're dating. Yours is the first I've heard of a woman being used.

You are being used. You have your act together and he doesn't. He expects you to pay for him? You were put on this Earth to bail him out? Please.

Don't let this hypocritical unappreciative loser ruin your self esteem, your emotional state, and most important your credit and economic health. Run from this twit and find someone who knows how to handle money.

Answer 6

He seems either to be using you or is being very dependent of you. Don't let him take advantage of you. Give what you give from the heart. Look at the long run. Do you plan to stay with him? Make your decision if it is a gift or a loan. Have a discussion to be clear on things, whether he needs to pay you back or not in the future. Help him find some sort of counseling or counsel him yourself. Does he need both cars? If you both plan to be together, one each should be fine. Spending money on what you don't need usually ends up with financial problems. Try to come up with a economic system you both agree on. He's asking for money and you just started dating. My advice, keep relationship and finances separate. He's dug a hole and jumped in. All you can do is trow down the rope. He needs to climb it himself, not you.

Matthew 25:40 "...'Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did it to one of the least of these My brethren, you did it to Me.' "

Follow your heart. God bless all.

Answer 7

He will NEVER learn to live within his means if he always has someone bailing him out. I would just explain to him that you have worked hard at managing your money & have been able to purchase your first condo and that you realize you must be careful to protect your investment (in case of illness, job loss, etc).

Perhaps suggest he sell one car... cancel one car insurance. Helping someone by enabling their bad habits truly isn't helping.

(And are you sure you want to spend your life with someone that's already on that path? Consider yourself lucky to find out BEFORE you've made a major commitment)

Answer 8

Of course, you are being used big time. This guy will drain you of every cent you have. I love the way he is trying to make you feel guilty so you will continue to give him money. You are all set to make a good life for yourself, so you cannot " afford more " of this jerk . When you kick his sorry butt out the door, make sure you are wearing the shoes with the very pointed toes !!!

Answer 9

Absolutely do NOT give him anymore money. They always promise to repay but never do! It is the classic case of a user and someone that is not responsible. See what happens when you tell him that you cannot give him anymore money. They usually move onto some else that will give them money.

Answer 10

As hard as it may be, I would move on. Don't let him drag you down. You sound like a wonderfully responsible person, and I would hate to think that all of that could be spoiled by getting "sucked" into someone else's financial black hole. Run, girl. Run FAST!