guys, help me i am about to get married this year.my fiancee has a strained relationship wtih his father.he is a great guy but does not have any communication with his father even whn they are living together.me fiance spends more time with me as he dose not have any affection for his father because his father always tonts him of being worthless and incompetent.but i now feel responsible for making this misunderstanding clear.my father in law is now anti me too as my fiancee is with me most of the times how can i make them come closer and save my image too.help me.
2007-01-28 07:02:05 · 18 answers · asked by ekta k 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Why do you want to "bring them together?" I mean, you can see how he is, and your fiance has presumably had to put up with that behaviour all the years growing up. Why would you want to do anything to make your fiance feel he has to go on putting up with that jerk? A man contributes a sperm to the making of a child., But it darn sure takes a heck of a lot more than that to make a man a Dad.
I don't know what would make you feel that you were somehow "responsible" for the angst between the two of them. It sounds to me as if your fiance's father is just one of those "curmugeons" who are just plain sour, even to their own. I don't even know why your f iance even bothers to go see him, or did you say live with him? Why in the world would your fiance owe this man "affection"? My advice would be to just grit your teeth till the two of you get married, and then take off on your own and leave that old "sourdog" to himself. I noticed that you made no mention of your fiance's mother. I suspect she unloaded him too, probably for the same reason. At his age, this man ain't gonna change his attitude, and life is too short to be trying . Life is definitely too short for you to be putting yourself deliberately in the company of somebody who seems to enjoy insulting his son, and his son's future wife. Get married, make your own life together, and fill it with people whose company you can enjoy and will add to your happiness.
2007-01-28 07:22:06 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your daughter's new in-laws are real old fashion and still believe that a daughter's place is at her husband's home (whether he's there or not) and that it is the girl's job to keep her virginity until marriage (not the son's). Your daughter should have retorted to her father-in-law's comment that her new husband's parents didn't teach him that he needs to keep his pants zipped until after marriage (it takes two to make a baby). She married that family. She's going to have to do her own fighting, which may include telling her husband that she has the right to visit her own family occasionally, even when he's out of town, without his parents acting like she's running away. You do not address the rudeness until it happens to you. Your people know you and your daughter and know she was raised right and is a good girl. It doesn't matter what the in-laws' people thing; the kids are now legally married so it makes absolutely no difference what went on before the vows.
2016-03-29 06:38:26 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look at it this way....Your not marring the father. You can respect him to a certain point .He may feel left out now that your in the picture,and See's your not going anywhere. And you cant heal old wounds with him and his son . That's something that they themselves may or may not work out. And as the Old saying goes..Time will tell!!! You can give advice both ways, try to be open for suggestions but most important, Stand by your fiancee.Your suppose to be his #1 friend & partner for life when you marry. I know.. I had an in-law who spoke his mind a lot too!! now I'm still married for over 30 yrs...Best Wishes & Good Luck !
2007-01-28 07:34:06 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really think you should before the wedding. The reason why I know you should is I have been married almost 6 years and my father-in-law still is rude towards me with rude comments but my husband never talks to him about it. He tells me to tell his dad to stop talking to me like this. This may not make much sense but either way things need to be right before marriage or there will be bad times during the marriage and it may put a strain on you and your wife.
Lynn
2007-01-28 07:10:51 · answer #4 · answered by Lynn N 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Family ties are strange at the best of times...No matter how much they hate each other. Sometimes you have to put yourself first, and your family second! How about getting a place for you and your fiance, and then work on the family issues!
As for your image...Er...not really the priority here, don't you think? Time will sort things out, but until then you will have just spend as much time with your partner as possible!
2007-01-28 07:11:27 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It does not matter what you say to your father in law...his behaviour towards your soon to be husband has been going on for a long time. You both should spend as little time with him as humanly possible. It is not your place, right now...maybe in the future you can give him a piece of your mind.
2007-01-28 07:08:23 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No. Stay out of it. You weren't invited into that strained relationship and even though you care for your fiancee, it's none of your business. He needs to work things out with his father in his own timing. Getting involved will only make your finacee feel like he can't handle things on his own.
2007-01-28 09:34:44 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
hi, ekta
this is a very delicate situation, u shud take eny step carefully, as u said he is angry vit u too, its better u dont talk now, as this may worsen the situation. wait till u get married, then try to impress him, know his tastes n behave accordingly 4 sum days, once he is ok vit u , then u can slowly try to change.
.......also the effort shud not b only frm ur side, even ur fiancee shud help u..... only then u can do it. make him understand the imp of father......and fathers luv.
try to analyse the reasons for this misunderstanding, and to try to solve the prob frm its roots.
2007-01-28 14:17:04 · answer #8 · answered by Ramya R 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Even if you were already married this is not your problem to fix.
If your fiance wants to make this better he has to approach his father and they have to do the work.
You can stand by him and give him support but you should stay out of it.
2007-01-28 07:07:52 · answer #9 · answered by daljack -a girl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well dear, this is not your problem, it is your fiance's. Stay out of it but support your fiance and talk to him about what he needs and give him lots of love. You can talk to him to see how he feels and make recommendations for what he can do such as telling his father how he feels when his father behaves this way. It is up to your fiance to defend himself and grow up enough to not be treated this way.
2007-01-28 07:13:15 · answer #10 · answered by Just2BMe 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋