How bad is a 5 year age difference?

Question

Here's the situation:

I met this girl and got along very well.
I instantly found myself attracted to her personality. She was extremely intelligent and we understood each other.

I later found out that she was five years younger than me (she looked older).

I don't know what to do. I already started liking her and now I feel weird because I've never been attracted to someone this young. It's also a weird age difference (15-20). I know that sounds weird, but she is very intelligent and mature for her age. I would NEVER try anything with someone that age, but in our state 16 is the age of consent. My problem is I don't know if it's morally right to be with her when she turns 16. I know it isn't exactly socially accepted, but should we really let that get in the way of what could be a great relationship? Doesn't it depend on the person at all? I'm so lost and don't know what to think. Give me some feedback please. And don't think I'm some creep, because this is very difficult for me.

Okay, just to clarify:
I'm NOT talking about a sexual relationship.
There is NO chance of jail time, because I wouldn't do anything illegal. I am asking about the morality of it. I would wait before pursuing a relationship, I'm not a perv. As far as life experience: many people go through different things at different ages; though I am paying close attention to this and thanks for all the feedback. It is really helping.

Answer 1

The only problem with that particular age difference... (it's not really that many years) but the experience level of your lives is going to be MUCH different.
You've been through a lot more in your life than she has. She is still in highschool... whereas you're probably in college. She might be intelligent and mature in her actions... but she's probably not that mature with life experiences.
I dont want to say it's wrong to be with her if you both feel the same way, but it's definitely not legal to do anything. And things could always turn sour with the parents if they are disapproving.
It's just a difficult situation, but ultimately I think you have to decide for yourself what you think is right. If you want to give it a shot, then go for it. But beware because at this point in both of your lives you change A LOT, and so the person you know now, might not be the same person in 6 months to a year. So just take that into consideration. Hope this helps.

Answer 2

dude, you're worrying too much. And the reason you are worried is because of society. How will it be taken by your parents, friends, etc. Otherwise, you would have already made your move by now. What I am trying to say is that is you are concerned about how society will think, then here's the imp thing. Society starts with your parents. And your image in society will affect their image and will result in guilt or whatever for you. So I say, print out this question. Show it to your parents and accept their advice. This question would have been different if you had directly addressed it to your parents. But since you never thought that your parents will be looking at this and wrote is straight from your heart, it has a authentic feeling to it. I want to say that there will be no problem with the relationship if you guys spend more time with each other without committing to anything. No long lasting committments, no sex, no emotional attachments. In other words, just as friends. Once you do this, you will yourself realize whether you will be comfortable with such a relationship. Consult your parents before following anyone else's advice. Life will be easy. lol. good luck. by the way, I am not a parent. I am an undergratuate in college in his third year. So you can take this advice from me as a friendly advice.

Answer 3

I think you can wait until she is 16 because you obviously like, and might even LOVE her, but you have to look out for yourself. I mean if you do something she does not like, she can use the age difference against you and that means bad things. Jail time, etc. If it is worth it to you, I would wait until she is 16, but 16 is still young for someone who is 20. I mean, 20 is still young to, but maybe there is someone out there 18, 19, 20, 21 and maybe a little older than you who you might be more compatible with. A lot can happen in a year, and I think age difference is the biggest deal when people are young. Like 14 and 17, 15 and 19, but older couples usually have less problems with age differences. I know a couple who knew each other for 9 years when they got married. She was 19 at the wedding and he was 24, but they had known each other for so long, even though he was 5 years older than her.

Answer 4

You shouldn't walk away, you should run. Not only can you wind up in small cell with a large man who won't be as understanding with you as you must be by asking this question, BUT, she just isn't ready for you. This is more a question of development than age.

Do you remember being 15? At 15, you were all over the map. There is just too much going on in terms of development that happens between 13 and 18. If you were 30 and she was 25 you'd be closer to developmental parity.

You aren't going to have a great relationship. You aren't going to have a long relationship. Even if you are selfish enough to try taking this to the next level understand that she's going to be in to some one her own age before summer. You would be wise to do the same.

Answer 5

Well, age differences usually do not matter once people leave those teenage years, BUT teenagers (and even yourself) are still growing (brain and body). The one thing you have for you is that your maturity level is probably the same... which is why you like her and think of her as being your age.

The best relationships are the ones that spring from friendships. Just be her friend for right now. Hang out and have fun together. Try your best not to get too emotionally involved. Remember what being 16 was like for you and use that as a guide when you are faced with decisions.

Overall, only you two know what is in your hearts. Just remember that you are both very young and your hormones are evil... they lie most of the time! So watch out for what your loins say in comparison to your head and heart! :)

Answer 6

I was the 15 year old girl in this situation. My boyfriend is 5 years older than me.
We made it work. We waited the 7 months til my 16th birthday, which gave us both time to get to know each other, and to fully trust each other, and to make sure we could handle the age difference. It gave my parents time to except that their little girl was with an older man, without forcing them to consider we may be having sex.

And plus, girls are always more mature than boys, so mentally you're probally the same age!

I think the best advice is just to try. If you think it could be a great relationship, then you shouldn't be stopped in trying. If it falls to pieces, then you can look back and say that she was too young for you and you should have known better but it was fun while it lasted. If it works out, you can be standing proof that age doesn't matter when you're in love.

Good Luck. Just be patient, give both of yourselves time, and everyone else time to accept it. It can work.

Answer 7

I know that from your point of view, it sounds alright to be in a relationship with someone because of what you have in common or the different vibes that are going on, but the main thing is that american society will not accept that and yor risking jail time if you do go through with it. Wait until she turns 18, or just date other people. I'm sure there is someone out there your age that you will find attractive or someone who will compliment you. Don't risk jail time and court time and all that mess over a 15yr old, its not worth is and you'll probably soon find out that she isn't as mature as you once thought.
Just dont do it.

Answer 8

You guys do what you want. When I was 16 or 17 I was seeing a 23 year old and I acutally look exceptionnaly younger than I am, no one understood, People aren't going to accept it, and it didn't even work out in the end because of our age...but I have to admit we had a good time for a while... people just automattically think about sex and it really wasn't even about that at all

Answer 9

The older you both are, the more acceptable a gap in age is. If she's only fifteen, I suggest you back off a little until she's older. Wait about 4 years, when she's nineteen and has lived more and is officially and adult. As far as the age of consent, that shouldn't matter. Unless you only want to be with her for sex, in which case, find someone older who is looking for the same thing as you. At fifteen, she's probably looking for totally different things in a relationship than you.

Answer 10

IT's weird because 15-20 is to far apart and someone will get in trouble for having sex with a minor if it goes that far, but if you wait 5 more years, 20 and 25 doesn't look as bad. I think it has something to do with maturity and the fact that anyone that's likes an underage kid looks like a sexual predator. I would hold off if I were you...