Bi Polar Mothers.How do you cope?

Question

As an only child-thankfully now grown up and with a family of my own I still have to cope with a Bi Polar mother who has made my life hell and continues to try and wreck any and every relationship within the family.
Like an alcoholic,she refuses to admit to any abnormality even though she has been sectioned on at least three occasions and is prescribed Haloperidol-not merely an antidepressant but an anti psychotic drug.
I have not been able to get any help with this since her medical practitioner refuses to discuss the problem on the grounds of patient confidentiality.meanwhile she continues to cause havoc and destroys any attempts at restoring a normal mother/son relationship.
To be honest and however uncharitable it sounds I am sick of her and the likes of her continually feeling "Victim" to the world.
It's not the manic depressives who are the victims but the families who have to pick up the pieces after them.
Should I just give up or any ideas??

Answer 1

I am in a similar situation. I'm worn out too. Unfortunately there is not much you can do. Unless you become her legal guardian then all you can do is tread water around her (basically - keep your distance) check in on her once a week to see if she's okay and pray that when she has her next "meltdown" that she will cooperate with the mental health officials.
I allowed my parent's mental illness to keep me unhappy for most of my life until recently. I finally got the courage to walk away. I have "left the door open" for when my parent is ready to be helped, but for now I must move on with my life.

I get sad not knowing if things are going okay, but I am better off at a distance than to be continually driven into depression, because others don't want to be helped.

Your mother may be mentally ill, but that does not make her stupid. Sometimes mentally ill people use their condition to manipulate others or because they can't cope with it and want others to give them attention and share the pain.

What's so bad about the disease is that the medication often has bad side affects which make people resistant to taking them. Often people will take the drugs, feel better and discontinue using them not understanding that being bi-polar, or schizophrenic requires life long-treatment.

Good Luck with this one. I feel your pain. I'll keep you and your mother in your prayers.

Answer 2

I am a bipolar Mom & although my own mother refuses to admit or seek help for it, she too is bipolar. I spent years in therapy & being medicated...now however, I am drug free thanks to the wonderful help of my...believe it or not...chiropractor. What people don't know is that chiropractic care is for more than just your spine. Your spinal cord relates messages to your brain and when it is messed up it can cause all sorts of disease, mental/physical health problems, etc. So, first off...even though your Mom takes Haloperidol (a very severe drug by the way) she should still start seeing a chiropractor. It took me two years of chiropractic care to become drug free...so be patient...you may get your Mom back. If not, you will end up like me....I do not speak to my mother unless it is at Christmas or some other family related functions (i.e. weddings, funerals) It is better for me, my son, and the rest of my family if her & I are not in the same room. This may not be much help for you....but understand that the bipolar part of her is not under her control....it is the exact opposite...it controls her. I lived that crazy life for too many years and am so glad I found a way out. I am not saying that chiropractic care is 100% effective...I am only saying that it has helped me more than any drug ever did. I still have my days...we all do...we are human afterall. But perhaps she can get back to some assemblence of normalcy with a combination of drugs, therapy, and chiropractic care. As for her doctor not wanting to talk to you about her care...perhaps you can get her to sign a waiver for that? I don't know the legalities of it, but seems like that could be an option. I wish you the very best of luck. Remember this if nothing else...YOU take care of YOU...YOU do what is best for YOU.

Answer 3

Sadly you can't help her if she won't help herself. If you cut off communications with her it might be a wake up call for her it might not. I cut off communications with my mother because of the harm she caused me and she died shortly after. The only comfort I have is that I called to tell her i loved her shortly before she died. She was not home; I left a message. I hope she got it.

Would I do the same thing again knowing what I know now? Probably not. After she died the Eric Clapton song Nobody Loves You Like Your Mother Loves You kept coming on. As sick and hurtful as she was, I miss her.

It is a very tough situation. I wish I had an easy answer for you. Love vs Pain which is stronger? I often miss my mom and I am often angry at what she did. Toward the end she had pretty much lost her mind and I got the same stonewall from doctors. ??? Good luck.

Answer 4

I am a mother, and my mother is an alcoholic who suffers from depression Bi Polar and Manic Bi Polar and several other mental problems unknown because she refuses to go to a Dr. I myself grew up a very confused child, hurting on the inside and hiding my emotions and that is very unhealthy. You need to realize she is your mother and you can not change her, she has to want to change. I know because I have made several changes in my life and I had to do it myself for myself. Noone else can make a person do something, people think they can but it is all up to each individual do make there own changes. Being her son you need to accept that you can't change her, it is not your fault she is the way she is. You don't need to give up but simply tell her it is hurting you and you wish she cared more about herself to help herself and get herself in a better situation, ahe does need medical help. I take medication and I need it, I know that and I have warned my son of the signs for him to be aware of them incase he ever thinks he needs help. I got help for me and for everyone I love and most of all to be a better mother so he could have a mom to love something I didn't have. Good Luck

Answer 5

There is a book called, "Sometimes I act Crazy", this is for her, it is a book of support, education and help for anyone with any type borderline personality, buy it for her as a gift, E-bay has them quite frequently for fair price, the book YOU need, is called,"Walk- ing on Eggshells", help for those trying to deal with the behaviors, I have a bi-polar daughter, she does admit to problems, does stay on medications and is still difficult to deal with, her Dr. now says the meds are not enough, they need to be combined with therapy to get to some of the roots and causes to her behaviors besides having the chemical inbalance, mom is not going to get well till she admits the problem and you may have to take a permanent hike from her till she learns that. Don't be an enabler, support is one thing, but they have to be also be willing to be responsible for their problems.

Answer 6

i dealt with a similar situation growing up and into my adult years. my mother was very sick and refused to do anything about it, deciding instead to get her 'therapy' through hurting her kids.

The last straw for me was almost 2 years ago. She said something that i can never forgive her for. After years of hurting because of my mother, i decided that it had to stop. i have not spoken with her in 20 months and i am very content with my decision.

For you, i know it is a hard choice... maybe taking a break from her instability would be good for you. Maybe time apart will help you to figure out how important your mother is in your life and if that is bigger then her continued hurting of you.

i wish you the very best.

Answer 7

Give her an ultimatim, if she does not get on medication and in therapy then she does not see you or the children! The way she is is very harmful to the children. I speak from experience I am Bi-polar and I voluntarily gave up my children (even though I am medicated) after my partner suicided.
Your children need a healthy home to grow up in, you are responsible to them, not you mother

Answer 8

wel we suffer cuz we feel the pain also. so check out nami.org, mentalhealth.com, to help educate you ok? be patient like u would be with an aids patient. we are ppl too

Answer 9

http://www.seroquel.com/cons_bip/care/index.asp
Try this link for coping information if you have a loved one with Bipolar disorder.