feeling rejected by my own family. is there something i should do?

Question

my mom and i used to live together, just the two of us. then a couple years ago she got married and had my sister, who is now three. well that marrage didnt work out so then it was just us three(my mom, sister, and me). now she is married again. but this time she is happy, and i dont want to ruin that. but a three year old calls for so much attention, and now she has a husband to be with. so i never get a word in. i dont feel like part of the family anymore. but, im a teenager, so when i get the attention im asking for will i want it? i dont know what i should do...

Answer 1

Hormones are just kicking ,..relax, it will all work out.

Answer 2

I think you sort of answered your own question. Maybe you should ask your mom if there's a time when you two can have "alone" time. I remember being a teenager(I'm in my 30s now)...it's a tough time. Sometimes you don't want mom & dad around, sometimes you do.

My father was an especially important influence in my life at that time. Because he was home at night(mom worked 2nd shift), he was able to hear my complaints about school and other important things. But I didn't want them to know about everything I was doing, mind you. Not a good policy, but the truth.

Maybe there's a time when you two could go shopping, hit a cafe for lunch or whatever. Mom's an important person in your life. My sister, mother and me used to all go shopping together on the weekends. Yeah, there were arguments & the like, but we also had a lot of fun. My sister is 7 years younger than me, so it was tough. She was in the "bratty lil sister" phase, which later I found out was jealousy and admiration more than the evilness I thought it was then.

You'll do okay. Just talk to her. Don't let it get the best of you. If you explain yourself in a mature way, I'm sure she'll be able to see your point. Most parents would love to have a teenager who wants to spend time with them!

Answer 3

Try communicating your feeling with your mom. Sometimes we as adults forget what it was like being a teenager and do not give enohg attention to these kids as we are viewing them as young adults etc. But if you had a great relationship with your mom then it will come back if your open and honest with her. Certainly a three year old would demand more attention but so do all kid in the family. And if your mom is just in a new marriage she is probably still lost in her own world of happiness etc. at present. I would suggest that you also talk with the new husband she has and let him know of your feelings, as he may also be unaware of how this change is making you feel. I am engaged to a woman who has three children also. The oldest being a 21 year old male and doesn't really say a lot of how he feels about us being together but has said that he is glad his mom has found some happiness. He also lives on his own so is not affected by this relationship that much. The second is 20 and in University in a different city. She has spoke with me in an open and honest manner and said that although she is very happy for us both that she still feels as though she has lost her best friend by her mom having this relationship. We have a very good relationship and she loves to have debates and conversations on many subjects. The third is a 17 year old girl who is still living with her mom. She and I have had many talks and she is also very honest in telling me how her moms relationship with me has affected how she and her mom get to spend time. We do try and involve her in as much activities as possible but she is 17 and often would prefer to spend time with her friends than with us old guys. Ha! We go to all her school activities and have been there to watch her in a couple of plays. As well we have a bit of family time on Sunday nights and turn off the computer, TV, radio etc. and play either Scrabble, Sorry or some kind of game. During this time there is always lots of laughs and conversation also. Their honesty has helped our relationship and I admire them for being so honest with me. So I suppose what I'm really trying to say to you is to talk with your parents and let them know of your concerns. It's not easy being a teenager I realize as you want and need to be heard by your folks and receive some of their attention while at the same time trying to show that you are growing up and want to cut the apron string a bit at the same time. Best of luck.

Answer 4

Little children take 100% of your time. They are adorable
but demanding. After a day of changing diapers, cleaning
up after them, washing their clothes, feeding them and
shlepping them here and there, it is hard to find time for
even a quiet cup of coffee. Remember that she once did
this for you too. Perhaps you could get more involved in
helping your mother take care of your sister. This will help
her out a lot and show her your love and you two will
start relating again. Ask your mom if just the two of you
could plan a lunch out together once a week. She can
have a good friend watch your sister and you'll be able
to have quality time with her like the old days. There's
a little compromise involved here, and by willing to share
your mom with your sister and new husband will help
you in your future life when facing similar situations.

Answer 5

A lot depends on how well you and your mom communicate. The way you are being treated is not healthy, but unfortunately rather common for divorced remarried and dating adults. I was one. When an adult gets into a new relationship, they are no different in feelings than like when a 16 year old does. Can't wait for the phone to ring, and all that pitter patter of the heart. Your mom needs to be gently reminded, and you might try writing. Often when you write you think about what you say before you put it down and also gives her a chance to think about it. If you can, please just express how you feel, don't judge her, just let her know how you are feeling and possibly a couple of simple ways she could "meet your needs". Good luck.

Answer 6

Sweetie I have been in your shoes and I know how it feels. It really isn't a easy thing to go thru but all you have to do is talk. Express yourself to your mom and let her know how this is making you feel, and to be honest you could be the one shutting yourself out. You could be the one putting yourself thru this whole ordeal just really sit down and evaluate the situation. There is a young child in the picture and yes they do require alot of attention but a solution for that is for you to help with the baby more than you do so your mom won't have to spend so much time with the baby and will have enough time for the both of you. Just keep your head up and look at your entire situation and try to resolve it by being the best you can in this.

Answer 7

I felt that way yesterday when I went to my father's for my stepsister's birthday party. He is not in good health and passed out at a store and medics had to be called and no one called me to tell me about this.His wife calls all the shots and every time there is something wrong we find out through a grapevine or a long time later.I am always the after thought. I know it hurts-you are a teenager and I am 46-BUT HE IS STILL MY DAD!! I would call her, ask her if she needs any help with your sister,you don't say where you are living but it sounds like not with them. You are part of the family, don't ever think that and you are not ruining anything-YOU ARE HER DAUGHTER TOO!! Don't forget that. Good luck.

Answer 8

You need to communicate with your mother CLEARLY. I don't think you need to worry about inviting too much attention, as your Mom is obviously very busy. What you can do is direct the time she does have to turn in your direction.

Tell her that you really want time with her and suggest specific things you would like. For instance, you could suggest that the two of you have lunch together on Saturday; or that you do the grocery shopping together.

I'm sure your Mom would like to find ways to spend more time with you. She's just waiting for you to show her how.

Answer 9

Girl, I know what you're going through. You need to have a heart to heart talk with your mom. Communication is the key. I don't believe for one minute that they're rejecting you. I've had these feelings too when I was a teenager. Just don't let them get to you. Try your best to be the best kid a mom could have, be there for her...and talk with her. Don't be afraid......she is an excellant resource for advice. I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 10

Being a teenager, you are in the process of becoming an adult and as such breaking your dependance of your family, for better and for worse. You appear to have had a turbulent family situation in the last couple of years, and it is easy to believe that this is what causes your feelings.

But you are growing up and your family knows that. They, not least your mother, are as uncertain as to how you feel towards them as you are uncertain about their feelings.

The keyword, as so often in cases like this, is communication. Tell your mother how you feel. There is a fair chance that she will be very understanding and that she knows exactly how you feel. After all, she has been there...

Answer 11

Talk to your mom and tell her exactly how you feel
Tell her you need to talk to her and ask her when she has time.
Then be honest with her. I'm sure she loves you very much and would like to know how you feel. Until she knows she can't do anything to change.
Don't keep it bottled up inside. That is not healthy for you.
Just talk to her. Keep your emotions level.You shouldn't have to yell or anything like that. She's your mom and loves you.
This is a important time in your life and you need your mom's time as much as your sister does.
Maybe you and your mom can make "dates" and spend a few hours here and there alone.
Talk to her, tell her what you ned from her!!!!!!!!!!!!