Touchy situation. I am a teacher in a small school on the East Coast (no, I won't say exactly where). I became casual friends with a married couple (who are both teachers in separate nearby schools) who later divorced. I was always closer (platonically) to the man than the woman, and had participated in several local events with him. There has always been somewhat of an attraction brewing (no, I was not the cause of their breakup) . I was in love with my ex and trying to make that work. My relationship with my ex fizzled, and ultimately his marriage ended. The woman is no longer active in our circle. We've reconnected recently, and the attraction is strong. Very strong. Is he considered off-limits because I was once aquaintances with his ex? She still teaches, but she's switched to another school district. I feel horrible for being attracted to her ex husband. I feel as if I will somehow hurt her for dating him, but it is really hard for us to hold back on this attraction. Any advice?
2007-01-28
05:31:17
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12 answers
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asked by
Chloekitty
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in
Family & Relationships
➔ Singles & Dating
He has always been my friend. My ex and I used to spend a lot of time together with him. His ex wife and I were aquaintances because we are both teachers, but we never spent time together outside of district activities. My ex and I spend a considerable amount of time with the man...especially when he and his wife were going through rough times.
She's a very nice woman, but she and I were never close. The husband and I had served on a lot of committees together because we taught the same subject. (I haven't talked with her in almost a year.) I see her at events occasionally and we exchange hello and a hug, but that's it. The man and I have always gone out for drinks or worked together (with other people) on projects. So, as you can see, she and I weren't exactly the best of friends. We were aquaintances and he and I were friends. It's just that we are well-known in the community, and people do gossip. It would be the center of quite a bit of gossip if we acted on this.
2007-01-28
06:20:19 ·
update #1
sweetness,..all is fair in love and war
2007-01-28 05:33:57
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answer #1
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answered by iroc 7
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yes, first you need to talk to him and see if you both feel ther is a chance for a meaningful realationship. if you both want to go forward, then you have two choices. call her up and tell her whats going on. (if you dont talk to her anymore then it shouldnt be too big of a deal after you get the courage) dont ask permission, just let her know. Or second, it doesnt matter as long as shes not a close friend. you wernt the cause of the breakup, and since they are divorced and shes not in the same school, then its not really any of her business.
2007-01-28 05:35:28
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answer #2
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answered by amana5 4
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i dont think its wrong. perhaps if u have the womens number who could call and have a heart to heart with u and tell her how u feel towards her ex and see what she says. i would say it would be more of a problem if u 3 were actually close friends then your playing with fire. my best advise would be talk to the women if u can get ahold of her tell her how bad u feel but u are falling for him or you could just go for it without talking to the women at all, but chance are youll run into her again down the road.
2007-01-28 05:44:27
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answer #3
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answered by Joe V 2
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You can probably expect to never be friends with her again, but if you're attracted to the guy and feel like there might be a strong relationship there, by all means go for it. She can't be too upset if you were never very close friends, but she probably won't be thrilled about it either.
2007-01-28 05:35:15
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answer #4
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answered by Julie K 3
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I'm from a small town where that was unavoidable. Generally I won't date friend's ex's or ex's friends. But to rule out acquaintance's ex's is just silly.
2007-01-28 05:35:57
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answer #5
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answered by tenbadthings 5
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Ask her , then go about your own life. If asking her or not asking her is going to influence your reputation or perhaps somehow influence the romance . Let it be for doing the gracious thing
2007-01-28 05:42:39
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answer #6
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answered by Lowell R 3
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Some hurt feelings are inevitable but if both him and her are agreed about seeing other people, then you should not feel guilty.
If you ever see her again, you should be honest about your new relationship without being insensitive.
2007-01-28 05:37:33
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answer #7
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answered by inkantra 4
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Well, there's no friendship. Do you think youe acquaintanceship is meaningful enough to leave the guy alone?
People don't get dibs on exes. Have fun.
2007-01-28 05:34:17
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answer #8
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answered by Anonymous
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no! she'll just have to get over it! you were closer to the guy! i would say if you were friends then no, but since you weren't then go for it! you can't deny attraction.
2007-01-28 05:34:39
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answer #9
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answered by Anonymous
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I'm sure when they divorced she didnt say who he could and could not date. If youre attracted to him I say go for it
2007-01-28 05:42:13
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answer #10
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answered by Some Blonde Chick 2
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i don't think he is off limits if ya'll are not best friends or anything like that. just don't go rub it in her face
2007-01-28 05:35:35
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answer #11
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answered by ihearthim 2
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