A co-worker/girlfriend asks why aren't you married, how to respond?

Question

A co-worker/girlfriend asked me why I wasn't married.
I'm over 40 and have never been married.
That's a question a lot of single women are asked but get this.
The co-worker/girlfriend that asked the question has never been married and is 35.
It gets deeper.
She is 300-400lbs.
I felt like she was the pot calling the kettle black.
I really haven't spoken with her since.
I felt like she over stepped her bounds.
It was also the way she asked the question.
She asked the question like a nosy person who gets in your business.
If she would have said, you are attractive, smart, outgoing, blah, blah, blah.
Maybe I wouldn't have been as ticked off.
I just want to know what kind of responses would you have given to her question?

I'm going to add some more stuff.
I'm a single Black female. There are not a lot of good available Black men available. I'm in Atlanta. The odds are 10 to 1.
I'm a realist.
There are not a lot of single Black men at work or church. This is a fact for a lot of single Black women. I guess I might have to start dating outside my race.

I had one married co-worker get ticked off when I told him that it's slim pickens. Deep down inside he knew I was telling the truth. I feel that I shouldn't settle for any single Black man just because I'm single. I hope you understand my plight much better now.

Answer 1

I always respond with, "why do you want to know?", or "why is this important to you?"

People are so stupid sometimes with their personal questions. When I was gettng married I got asked all kinds of inappropriate things and the same when I was expecting.

Personal questions like this require you to put that person in their place and remind them that your life and choices are none of their business.

Answer 2

I would have just blown off her comment and not responded at all. If you can't give up on the urge to respond...a simple response of Why aren't you? or Why are you so concerned about it? or Why is this your business would have sufficed. Honestly, people can be so dumb and chances are unless you two have had previous and similar encounters communication wise that she meant in a harmless way. I wouldn't let it get to you. As long as you are happy and secure in not being married why does it really matter to you what other people think or if they feel a need to be nosy and pound you with questions about it. Don;t give it a second thought and no need to retaliate with being just as nasty as you took her to be...it will just make things worse and waste a lot of energy that you could put towards better things.

Answer 3

I am very un-married, and no one has ever asked me that!
(and, I do feel weird and lots of times feel the need to justify to myself why I wouldn't want to be married, and why I have avoided any route to it, when the "normal" people supposedly are all married!)
But, this is one of the things about work situations, it's sort of like being around family, you are stuck with them, and it's non-productive to let what they say bother you in a real way.
You can't change your family, and you must work to earn a living---they must be endured, for the rest of your life to make sense.

You are not in control of your work-mate's (or your relatives') questions or actions. You are only in control of your own, so don't waste time or emotion REACTING to her. This type of thing will hurt you only if you permit it to, and if it is hurting or worrying you in some way, face this, and realize why. Maybe you are hurting yourself, and using her comment as an excuse, to keep from seeing other aspects of reality, or your own character, that you don't want to face.
Dwelling on how others have hurt us uses up the emotional energy we SHOULD use on making ourselves happier and better.

Answer 4

I'm 35 and never been married either. We're at that age where if you're not married, god forbid, something must be wrong with US! I don't get offended when someone asks that, sometimes it's a compliment actually. I mean I don't know "how" she asked it, but it sounds like she really was sayin that you seem or look the kind of woman who WOULD be married and she was just surprised that you weren't, that's all.

Answer 5

Well, the kind thing to say would be to just tell her the truth. Tell her you are not married because you never found the right guy, you found that your career was more important, etc - whatever your reason is for not getting married.

Answer 6

If it would have been me, I would have just told her I was taking my time and just waiting for the right person to come along that I may think of marrying and let it go!

Answer 7

i want u to ask her why she isnt married,maybe she never meant anything by it ,maybe u just took it wrong,just go up to her and tell her how u feel,im fat i ask alot of questions dont mean im noisey,i know a chick 115 and shes noisey as hell.next time someone ask u that say well my parents will says i cant inherit my money from them unless im single lol

Answer 8

Tell her the truth.. Slim pickings.. lol. Move to California.. We don't care here.. but I'm sure there are people who ask dumb questions everwhere. IF your happy, thats all that matters.. Good luck.

Answer 9

i have been married for 44 years but i will try to give an answer---the why of my marital status is for me to know--i may oneday tell someone--but thats reserved for friends.

Answer 10

I would have said, maybe because I don't want to. and when I want to, then I will. and leave it at that. Thank God you have a choice! and really it is not any ones business.