How do you I tell my girlfriend that her family gets on my nerves?

Question

I love my girlfriend. She is sweet as cake. But I dont agree with her family. They use her and they think always think about themselves. Whenever they do her wrong, she always crying on my shoulder. Im always there for her. But I just wish that her family would leave her alone. She just doesnt understand that i ahve my own situation going on. I have my own problems. Here I am trying to solve her problems and mine.Its a trip!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 1

Like most men you think just because she shares her pain with you that she needs you to FIX something. The truth is that she needs someone to talk to. Just listen and care about her situation. You don't need to be a miracle worker to be her boyfriend. At the same time you need to talk to her about your problems as well. She'll know that you care about her when you trust her enough to talk to her about your private life.

Answer 2

When you are in a relationship the problems of your significant other become your problems whether you want them to or not.

The family is always a touchy issue, because no matter how much they mistreat her it will be difficult for her to cut them off because she still wants the connection to her family no matter how dysfunctional. Plus the two of you are not married, so she may feel she needs the connection with her family at least until she starts her own.

As a good boyfriend do not focus on how her family affects you, because you do not have to interact with them the way she does. Instead turn your attention to reminding your girlfriend that she is "sweet as cake", wonderful and all those other qualities you love about her. Your positive reinforcement may give her the confidence to put her family at a distance and to stop being used by them.

Stop thinking in terms of "me" "my own problems" "me." The two of you are a team and should be there for each other in good and bad times. Sometimes complicated issues cannot be solved, you have to just sit back and let some things work out on its' own.

Answer 3

Sounds like you need to use reverse psychology. Start doing to her what she is doing to you. It will surely be an eye opener to her. But, remember to be polite about it. She'll get the hint and if she cares about you like you do her. Then she will learn how to deal with the problems she is facing instead of always leaning and counting on you to take the load. Good luck and God bless! Sometimes people (especially women) don't realize how much complaining we can do. And remember... they are her family. If she didn't love them then she wouldn't be sticking around for the "wrong" that they are doing to her. Be wise and don't tell her that her family "gets on your nerves". Just show her what it is like to be in your shoes. Again... Good luck!

Answer 4

Her family is her family, but she is the one you care about. Fine. Why do you need to be around her family at all? Does she live with them? Is she too young to marry and take away from all that?

If you need to be around them even if you don't like them, just be cool but polite. And when you talk about them with your girl, be sure you do not make it worse by taking sides. Listen. And when she asks for specific advice, give it. But you will help her if you try to get her to see things from her parents' point of view. (She doesn't have to agree with it to see it, as my Methodist Sunday school teacher mother and I discovered.) Even people you don't respect nevertheless have a point of view that makes sense to them. If you can see why it does, you can better cope with it.

You say you wish her family would leave her alone. Are they pressuring her about something specific? Is it something you could help to resolve for her, such as getting married or renting an apartment together and agreeing that marriage is not currently an option? If she is living with them, they may be sufficiently relieved that you are taking that much responsibility and stop bugging her.

Answer 5

Get her enrolled in a positive self image program.
If there is alcohol or drugs involved get her to alateen, or alanon.
Tell her to find a mentor program.
Tell her to go and do some volunteer work to build her self esteem.
You can do nothing.... by telling her...she already knows, she just is having problems dealing with it. That is why she comes to you.
You need to be there, whether you have problems or not.
Do not dismiss her emotions and feelings, but share your problems with her also. Then you can be support systems for each other.....
You won't make it go away .. it is reality in her home and it is reality for you.

Answer 6

As she has been victimized by them, there'll be no surprise on her part when you tactfully say, "sweetie, I get so nervous when I'm around your family. I've even come to feel quite tense. I'm taking a little break from them for a while; I'm determined to resist an altercation ('vehement quarrel') with them."
And there you have it. She can follow your lead as to how she'll deal with her family when they realize what happened, or she can remain somewhat 'enslaved' by them. That part is up to her.
Best of luck (and endurance) to you both.

Answer 7

If you like the girl, the family will be a part of the package. I didn't really get along with my in-laws until I married their daughter and got a good job. If you really love her, put up with the parents. I did and now we are all friends.

Answer 8

Say "Girlfriend, your family gets on my nerves. I love you. You're sweet as cake. But I don't agree with your family. They use you and they always think about themselves."

Answer 9

You are there to listen to her, not to try and solve her problems. She is not going to appreciate your "dissing" her family.

Poor you. You have "your own situation going on." Sounds to me like you both need to take time out away from each other.

Answer 10

i kinda had the same problem except im the girl my family wasnt really good to me at all and i ended up crying to my bf and after awhile he tried to explain to me on how my family wasnt treating me wasnt right and i knew it wasnt but i didnt want to see it and all he had to do is explain that to me and y and i woke up real fast and i realized that i dont need my family if im being treated like this. unfortunately i still have to live with my dad and stepmom cuz im under 18 but i dont talk to my mom or stepdad anymore and as for my dad and stepmom i try to avoid then and only talk to them when i really have to.